The Bitter Half (Tag-Lish)
I let out a sigh. Then with a heavy heart, I knocked at the door three times before opening.
“What is it?” He asked as if he already knew that it’s me. Ni hindi man lang tiningnan kung sino iyon.
I slowly walked towards his desk. Bitbit ang lakas ng loob na matagal-tagal ko naring inipon.
“Come on Andromeda. I don’t have all day.” Siyang hindi parin ako magawang tingnan. Ganoon siya ka busy at ganoon ako ka walang-kwenta para pag-aksayahan niya nang oras at panahon.
I took another deep breath before I decided to talk. “I want a divorce.” Sa wakas ay naisatinig ko. With crossed fingers, I silently prayed that he won’t loose it with me. He is impatient and ruthless. I know asking this would mean a slap on his face.
I saw his jaw clenched then he hissed and chuckled dramatically. Still without taking any glance at me.
“Uh-huh? What else?” busy parin siya sa pagbubuklat ng file na nasa isang folder habang may tinitipa sa kanyang laptop.
I greeted my teeth. Alam ko nang wala akong mapapala rito pero kailangan ko paring subukan. “Tapusin na natin to Zane habang maaga pa. I want to live my life.”
Marahas niyang sinarado ang kanyang laptop na ikinagulat ko. I almost jumped. Pinagsalikop niya ang dalawang kamay sa ibabaw nang kanyang lamesa and then gazed at me like I am the most monotonous person in the world.
I clenched my fist. Damn him for making me feel too little!
“You know that I am a very busy person, right? Do you think I still have time to handle your caprices?” his words were simple yet straight forward. He literally looked like someone very annoyed about meaningless things.
But this isn’t just some random meaningless thing, right? This is my freedom! And nothing is more important for me than this!
“Hindi ito basta-bastang kapritso ko lang Zane! We are talking about my life here. My freedom! My happiness that you have neglected from me for the past years!” I bursted. Alam kong sobra na but if I wanted to move on with my life, I need to face my biggest fear. And that is him.
He shifted his weight and laid back on the chair. Para bang hindi siya interesadong marinig ang mga sinasabi ko.
But what’s new? Ganito naman siya palagi. Dapat inasahan ko na 'to.
“Why? Have you found somebody else?” his uninterested stares became dark and horrifying. Parang ano mang oras ay masasaktan niya ako sa mga titig niya.
But then, I wanted to laugh out loud because of what he said. Ako pa talaga ang pinagbibintangan niya ng ganyan ha? Kulang na nga lang ikulong niya ako sa bahay niya dahil ayaw niyang malaman ng ibang tao na may asawa na siya. Paano naman ako makakahanap ng iba, aber?
“Joke ba yan?” nasabi ko nalang. Gustong-gusto ko siyang insultohin at ipamukha sa kanya na alam ko ang mga pinag-gagagawa niya. He's cheating within our marriage. I know dahil nakita mismo nang dalawang mga mata ko.
“Do I look like someone who knows how to punch a joke to you?” sa pagkakakunot ng noo niya'y alam ko na naiinis siya. Parang gusto ko lalong tumawa at sagarin ang inis niya. Pero ayoko rin namang masuntok o kaya ay mamatay, kaya wag nalang!
“Sa palagay mo ba makakahanap ako ng iba kung halos ikulong mo na ako sa bahay mo? Akala ko ba matalino ka Zane? Where’s your common sense?” natutup ko ang aking bibig nang marealize ko ang sinabi. I don’t usually talk back to him like this. Sa buhay ko, siya lagi ang nasusunod. Desisyon niya palagi ang namumutawi at walang puwang sa bahay na to ang mga salita at daing ko.
He then looked surprised or more like amused. Naninibago sigurong nagagawa ko na siyang sagutin ngayon. “Then tell me. Give me one good reason why I should set you free.”
Anak ng p*cha! Andami ko nang sinabing rason. Hindi pa ba sapat sa kanya yon?
“Dahil hindi mo naman ako mahal! Bakit mo pa ikukulong ang sarili mo sa isang relasyong hindi ka naman masaya? We both know what this marriage is for. Pakawalan mo na ako.” Kulang nalang ay magmakaawa ako sa kanya. Ano pa ba ang gusto niya? Wala rin naman siyang mapapala sakin. Bakit kailangan pa niya akong ikulong sa buhay niya?
“Do you really know what this marriage is all about, Andromeda?”
Napalunok ako. Well, I…don’t.
“And you think your aunt still wants you back?” he crossed his arms on his chest.
That hurts me. But I don’t care! Kung ayaw niya akong tanggapin, I can live on my own. Kaya kong mabuhay mag-isa. I was born alone, so I will live alone.
“Wala akong pakialam kung ayaw niya man akong tanggapin. Kaya kong mabuhay mag-isa. Pakawalan mo lang ako. Pangako hinding-hindi kita guguluhin. At hinding-hindi ako hihingi ng kahit ano sayo. Ito lang. Zane please!”
Tumayo siya't hinilot ang kanyang leeg. His tall frame towered me that I have to look up to him to reach his line of sight. He then walked towards me that made me take a step back. His my husband but I am still intimidated by him. Takot ako sa kanya. Yung kanina, nagtatapang-tapangan lamang ako.
“In one condition, Andromeda.” He lifted his hand on my chin. Nilapit niya ang kanyang mukha sa akin. It looked as if he wanted to kiss me.
Kinakabahang agad kong naipikit ang aking mga mata habang hinihintay kung ano ang susunod na mangyayari.
“Let’s consume our marriage.” I heard him whispered on my ear.
Kinilabotan ako sa ginawa niya. The way he speaks brought up tingling sensation throughout my body. I shivered. Agad kong inilayo ang sarili ko sa kanya.
“What do you mean?” kunot-noong tanong ko.
Nanatili siyang nakatitig sa akin. Hinihintay ang magiging reaksyon ko. Saka ko pa lang unti-unting narealize kung ano ang ibig niyang sabihin.
I opened my mouth but I can’t find anything to say. **** you Zane! Just **** you!
A devilish smile flashed on his face. He tilted his head and reached out to my face.
Napapitlag ako but still I was left stunned. What should I say? What shall I do? I wanted to get the hell out of his life but he’s asking me to surrender him my everything! Isn’t that worthless?
His hand caressed my cheek, then down to my neck. Nanigas ako. I was never been touched this way before. Not even by my own husband. Not until now.
“So, are you ready?” his soft erotic voice made me come back to my senses.
I tapped away his hand when it was on it’s way to my shoulder. “You fucking asshole!” Unconsciously, I slapped him on his face.
Maging ako ay nabigla rin sa ginawa ko. That was unintentional. I was just, provoked. I feel so harassed.
Kinabahan ulit ako. Feeling ko ito na talaga ang katapusan ko!
“Did you just slap me?” he was asking the obvious. His face was dark and furious.
I swallowed hard. Dito na nga kaya magtatapos ang buhay ko? Oh Lord! I haven’t enjoyed my life just yet! Pahinging palugit?
“I…I am sorry. I… Hindi ko…I mean, I was provoked. I feel harassed.” I stuttered dala ng matinding kaba.
He suddenly laughed and I was like- huh? Anong problema niya? Hindi ba siya galit?
“Harassed? I haven’t done anything yet! Pa'no pa kaya kung… Baka kasuhan mo ko ng rape.” he said unbelievably.
Nakagat ko ang aking labi. I know I passed the limit. Hindi dapat ako nagrereklamo dahil may karapatan naman siya sa akin dahil asawa niya ako. But still. “I… I was never been touched like that before.” Katwiran ko.
He hissed. Parang nauubusan na nang pasensya sa akin. “Do you still want out of this marriage, Andromeda? Because if you do, nasa kabilang kwarto lang ako.” Wika niya saka ako tinalikuran at iniwan lang sa loob ng kanyang opisina.
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