Jealous............ but why??

Dear diary,

It was totally a boaring and depressing day. surprisingly I had nothing to do today ( since I had off from my collage; I took off from my homely duties as well.............. simple:-) ) .

Everything went well until I started checking out whatsApp status, Instagram Stories......... all of a sudden people around me seems to enjoy every bit off their life, some busy traveling and other meeting their old besties, trying out different food, attending family gatherings, doing influencer stuffs...... and me rolling on the bed , staring at phone since morning and now I feel bad about wasting time.

it could have been a productive day.......

I feel like doing nothing and I am guilty about it.

am I jealous???

probably yes.

I hate Nia because she is the topper of our class....... I just realised, I don't hate her but I am just jealous of how she scores by paying little attention to studies and on other hand I am treating my textbooks as my boyfriend and still manage to get pass marks.

I can't ignore the fact that slow learners like me have their whole time revolving around assignments, exams, practicals and vivas and at the end othe the day you find the people enjoying their day and partying whole night are the same one who come out with better scores, it just hurts............. I totally have the right to be jealous.

specially under an education system where your exam scores decides your everything......... even your passions too.

I wish I had an invisible privilege too.

speaking of which everyone around me has an invisible privilege.

aksh (my younger sister) : doesn't give a shit about what other says and does........ that might be the secret of her savage confidence. If I could, I would have borrowed her rookie attitude.Do whatever you want......... no consideration for others judgements.

Jippu ( my bestie one among the foursome) : passionate listener........ no matter what your problem is best person one could reach out would be her. You start complaining about your problems and even find solution by yourself, she is just calm and happy to listen whatever you say.

kripa ( my bestie- other among foursome) : she has an inborn ability to make people around her cheerful. no mood swings accepted.

Geethi (my bestie 4th one among foursome) : prettiest and popular in our collage. well isn't being pretty an invisible privilege.

me: I just wonder what my invisible privilege is........

I do agree to the fact that everyone is blessed with an invisible privilege or talent.

It's been 21 years and I have totally no idea what my strength is............ I still don't know what I am passionate about.

I am indeed jealous of people's passions and how they follow them around but I wonder wheather this jealousy arose from hating their success or annoyed but myself.

so.......

I wonder where do I get to know about my invisible privilege .

I think I should consider thinking seriously about it.

Till then......................................

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