Disastrous hit

Dear diary,

something weird happening to me lately.

I was totally normal when I got into the college, the usual sweat pants and untidy hair.

All of a sudden I started to hate being sweaty, wanted my hair pitch perfect, wanted to dress up every day as if it was my last chance.

and that's just the beginning........

Everything about me started bothering me slowly; those extra 5kg , those double chin.

My favorite color was supposed to be red but right now everything around me is pink and I don't feel bad about it.

Last week aunt rose told me that I lost some weight ( little did she knew it was due to exam stress and I would pick it back within days).

Things went upside down when she told me my beauty bone is visible a bit; Now I need to check my collar bone every now and then as if my clavicle is going to degenerate.

That was just an excuse.

I felt a strong urge to peek into mirror every 30 minutes, just to find fault in my appearance.... dark circles, pimples, blackheads, whiteheads, facial hairs....... slowly everything started to be part of my daily checklist and I ended up watching skincare videos.

I just wonder when did my interest shift from cartoons and superhero movies to beauty journal and videos.

I remember watching doremon and wanting to have a cat robot when I was a kid and now I just wonder why their dresses are same in all episodes................. I just don't want to ruin my favourite cartoons by my distorted thoughts.

last Sunday one of distant our relative paid us a visit, everything went smooth until she started talking to my younger sister thinking that she was the older one , this was not the very first time someone mistook my younger sister as the older one, back then I was silly about it and inturn made fun of her for looking older than her actual age . But now this started making me little uncomfortable and I don't know why I feel so creepy when someone mentions my younger sister as the older one.

Do I look immature or is it because she is a bit taller than me? Or may be because she is into more girly stuff than me?

But that doesn't change the fact that I am 3 years older than her.

I often find myself drooling over fancy jwels, window shopping at random websites, binch watching beauty videos, talking about beauty trends , even about dramas and stuff and the worst part...............comparing myself with others specially those pitch perfect models and photoshopped images and feeling insecure about my own appearance.

Even small compliments makes me blush and I am strangely conscious abut my appearance in public...... the list goes on.

Is this how everyone grows up?

insecure.

Doing super weird stuff and still feel normal about it??

I guess puberty finally hit me............ a disastrous hit............ late of course.

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