Chapter 4 - I’d like a boyfriend like that

I wanted to hate these girls. I really did. As much as their mature bodies and full confidence bit at my self-esteem, I couldn’t hate them. They’d always been friendly to me. I didn’t have any legitimate reason to hate them.

I was still watching them when Kelli’s boyfriend, Nate, came up to her from behind and embraced her. She flinched at first in surprise. Then she tilted her head back to nuzzle against his shoulder. From this distance, they seemed to make a great pair. They were the designated “It” couple of the school, the two everyone thought would last long after high school. They looked good together, too, with her small but athletic frame and his tall, muscular body. Their blonde hair and blue eyes complemented each other. I couldn’t help but take note of how I’d like a boyfriend like that.

While admiring the girls, my mind thought back to Olivia. What would it be like if she were still here? Would she be sitting at that table with them fundraising for some other good cause?

My thoughts drifted back to those I was trying desperately to suppress.

Did I really see Olivia this morning? No, I thought, poking at my spaghetti. I was just stressed and had an image of her face fresh in my mind. I have a wild imagination, I rationalized. I don’t really know what happened this morning. I’m just remembering it wrong, I told myself.

With all these thoughts racing around in my head, I hadn’t noticed how much time had passed. The buzz of the bell pulled me from my reverie, and I sprang up in surprise. I pushed through the crowd and dumped my tray of uneaten food. Before I let it all fall into the garbage, I grabbed the piece of garlic bread and shoved it in my mouth. I knew if I didn’t eat something, I’d be curled up with hunger pains before our volleyball game that night.

The rest of the day continued in a haze, my mood lifting only so slightly in band class, where I fully enjoyed playing first-chair clarinet. When the final bell rang, my stomach called out to me, clearly upset that I didn’t eat my lunch. “Oh, shush,” I scolded my belly, which earned me a few odd stares.

I shoved my notebook in my locker and took several deep breaths. I needed to calm down if I was going to do well at the game tonight. Our JV team hadn’t lost all season, and there was only a week of games left. I wasn’t about to lose one because of a bad day, which wasn’t honestly all that bad anyway. Gosh, what was up with me?

“Ready?” Emma said cheerfully as we walked toward the locker room to gather our equipment.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.” I gave her a smile in hopes that it would cheer me up.

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