feather sugawara koshi x reader

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It was the start of winter when I decided to get a hot chocolate in a cafe nearby. A white feather suddenly distracted me from walking towards the street. I followed it instead of going to the cafe. I felt like its trying to bring me somewhere so I followed it, after awhile of following it, it fell to the ground I picked it but before I reached the ground someone grabbed it. She was beautiful, her eyes are gray, her hair is white, she looks lovely, only if she was mine, I'd call her my wife.

"Ohh sorry It looks so attractive I didn't know it belongs to you, mr.?"

"Sugawara koshi, you can call me suga. And you are?" I smiled and answered.

"Im y/n l/n, nice to meet you suga"

"I was following this feather, and it led me to you" I said chuckling.

"Oh, really guess this feather heard my prayer, wanna grab a coffee with me?"

"Sure" I quickly answered. she sounds cool and fun to talk to We grabbed our coffee and sat at the corner it was cold but I felt an undescribable warmth when she came and smiled at me.

"You cool?"she sked me raising one of her eyebrow when she caught me looking at her.

"Uhm..yeah you just look so nice" I answered smiling at her with my face tinted pink.

"Thanks suga" she shily answered.

Meanwhile the coffee was served she looked at it with her eyes mesmerizing, she looks so happy.

"Soo..? whats so happy about the coffee?" I asked her rubbing the back of my neck.

"Well it's been awhile since I got back here in japan I missed this coffee shop, I just got back from Canada." She answered sadly.

"Canada?" I asked

"Yes, I got there for my treatment. I- I have Cancer..stage five and My days are counted" she answered without any expression seen in her face.

"I- i'm sorry y/n" I said with a shock and worried tone, I didn't know such a beautiful lady with a beautiful smile has been carrying a big problem but...with a smile, how can she?-

"Its ok suga, I already accepted the fact that I can't live longer" she answered me.

"But you still have a chance to live right?" I asked her sadly.

"I hope so..." She smiled

"You don't have to do that, you can cry too you know, you don't need to force a smile, when you know you need to cry, let it out"

"I'm not forcing it, I mean it, i'm about to pass away I wanted to be happy too you know. I don't wanna be like the others who considers themselves as dead while they are still alive, nor being depressed in there rooms when they know they are about to die...I mean why not spend your last time with someone you love, someone you need, or something that makes you happy?."

" Your so brave y/n, what about you? Where's those someone that you love and makes you happy?"

" They're long gone, I grew up in an orphanage, my mom and dad are only childs and my grandparents are dead. I don't have anyone, I was just seven when they died."

"Im sorry to hear that" I was shocked when I heard her story it was full of pain and sorrow no wonder why she wants to be happy.

"My dad was the first one to pass away but after two months my mom was depressed and committed suicide... She can't accept the fact that my dad died"

"You okay to talk about this?"I asked

"Yup, I'd rather tell you than keep it inside, besides I actually wanted to talk to someone about my life"

"Thanks for trusting me" I happily said

"No problem, I know you're not a bad person" she said giving me a smile.

"Mind if I get your number?" I confidently asked her.

"Ohh, here's my number" she wrote her number in a piece of tissue paper she gave it to me then

"Thanks" I imidietly added her number to my contacts. And left a message her phone rang and I told her it was my number.

"Oh thanks, I was about to ask you but I guess you can read minds" she chuckled.

"No problem, by the way im a doctor"

TIME SKIP

its been two months and we always see each other we've gotten closer to each other and I know to myself that I like her it's just my heart that's not yet ready to be hurt and today I'll be meeting her again.

"Hey suga? Can you help me with something"

"Sure" I didn't hesitate to say yes

"Can you help me complete my bucket list? Wish you would be the one to complete it, it wouldn't be completed if you're gonna refuse it ,but its ok if you refuse tho."

"I would love to help you complete it, maybe if we complete it you might live longer"

"Really? Thank you so much!!"

she hugged me.

"May I see the list?"

She showed me her wish list its not hard to do at all, it was so simple. She's so simple no wonder god wanted her to be one of his angel. but she erased something.

"Do you wanna know why I want to do these stuff?"

"I Sure do" I laughed

" I wanted to climb Mt. Fuji because of my mom, she once told me to go there. I wanted to do a dare because I never did one if someone dares me I won't say no. ever scince my mom and dad died I never got to go out of the orphanage, and play with anyone else, when I got out for college I had a job but I don't have time for fun. I needed to work and study hard for my future, I did become successful but I guess I already know what's gonna happen in my future it's still a failure."

"but why did you erase this one?" I asked her with a curious look.

"cause I found him already, im just afraid to tell him, im afraid to be rejected and left alone."

"why not try?" I hope that was me tho.

"nah, I don't wanna hurt him." I love you Suga, but it seems like you don't love me the way I love you, but I don't wanna hurt you too."

...SUGAWARA'S POV...

I looked at her sadly, I love her so much and I wanna spend more time with her not as her friend but lover. And now i'm telling her once we get to mt. Fuji. I'm not afraid to be hurt anymore I know she's dying but I still have a chance to be with her, and im not wasting it.

"let's start completing your bucket list y/n" I said letting out a smile to her but suddenly a tear dropped, I can't stop but cry. I'm so weak when it comes to her, when she asked me to help her complete her bucket list I felt like she's saying goodbye.

" don't cry Suga it's okay," how can she say that. its not okay... she's dying, she's leaving me now.

"Y/n. Please don't leave me."my body is shaking, I was too emotional everytime a word comes out from her mouth. hearing her soft voice makes me cry.

"I'm not leaving you, I'm not leaving you yet."

hearing what she said and remembered my promise to myself, I stood up and wiped my tears I hugged her and whispered to Y/N ear " I'll be here if you need me y/n. I'll never leave you"

"thanks Suga"

We visited the orphanage, and she was so happy to see the nun's and kids she didn't tell anyone why she came cause she doesn't want them to worry. I saw her old room it was so small but when I looked at her she was so happy to see it again. I can see her smile again, the smile that makes me cry. After that we decided to head back and pack our thing's for our journey to mt. Fuji.

"SUGA!! Im so excited to get up there" she excitedly said.

"Me too y/n" I smiled, this is it. the time has come im gonna be telling her ones we get up there.

we've been climbing the mountain for hours, I can see that y/n is already tired so I decided to ask her to stop by for some minutes.

"Let's stop here for some minutes y/n, your tired"

"let's stop here Suga, let's just set our tent here, it looks dangerous up there"

"I agree"I helped her set up our tent and find some wood's for our fire. I looked at her beautiful face as she rub her white hair she looks so beautiful sitting at the snow, it was so cold but not as cold as my past.

...Y/N'S POV...

I looked at him standing and smiled, he's so perfect, nice, sweet I can't describe him he's just too perfect. Im glad I met him. I asked him to stop because I'm too tired already so we set up our tent here. I feel bad thought, we can't continue our journey "I'm sorry Suga, we can't continue because of me"I said with a sad tone"

"it's ok y/n its not your fault."he said trying to cheered me up.

For the first time I wanted to live longer, because of you I had a reason why I wanted to live but I know I can't live any longer anymore.

...SUGAWARA'S POV...

I think its time to tell her already, i'm already prepared for what might happen in the future, my heart is already prepared.

"y/n i-I need to tell you something" I stood up and faced her.

"hmm..Yes Suga?" she answered

"I- I love you" I gathered all my strength just to tell her this word.

"Su-Suga I love you too but I'm dying and you know that"my tears started to fall from my eyes as she said the word dying.

"y/n there's still a chance you could stay, please don't say that. I'm here y/n, I'm here to help you, to love you, im with you y/n" y/n started to cry as she hugged me and whispered.

" I love you too Suga, but I don't want to hurt you, I'm dying so please just find someone else, someone who could live longer and love you longer"

"your my world y/n"

"find another world Suga"

"I won't last long if I find another one your my earth your my only living planet"

"there are other planets like earth too suga, a non polluted ones"

"but they're not you y/n"

"but you can love have them longer and they can love you longer"

"then y/n I dare you to love me Back" this is the only way I could convince her to love me back, the wish list.

"Su-Suga.."

"I'm prepared already y/n, I'm prepared" I broke the hug and looked at her.

"I guess I found the one, but you found your the one that'll go away"

" don't say that"

"im just reminding you Suga"

"your reminders are hurting me y/n"

"it wouldn't last long, cause I wouldn't remind you soon, you'll learn it soon"

...Y/N'S POV...

So this is how being loved feels like, it makes me happy but I know I'll make him sad. I wanted him to stop but he wouldn't, guess thats true love. til death do us part.

...TIME SKIP...

it was already morning and we are about to leave mt. fuji when I felt a sudden pain,

I knew it was about time to leave him but I fought it. I didn't give up, because I still need to live for him, I have him here I don't wanna go up there yet, I still need him.

"you look so beautiful y/n you look like an angel"

"not yet Suga, im still here" I answered. I don't wanna be an angel I wanna be your queen, my king. The pain left as we started walking after hours of walking we finally made it down. I sat down and felt the pain once again, and I hate it. Suga ordered us some coffee to warm up.

"here you go y/n, your coffee"

"thanks Suga"

As I take a sip of my coffee I saw Suga looking at me so I asked him "what's up?"

and he answered"I love you" I can't help but cry if I hear that word and so does he "I love you too Suga" I suddenly felt the pain again but this time it hurts alot, I cant help but shout when I felt it which made Suga worry, people are starting at us as I-

...SUGAWARA'S POV...

Y/n suddenly fainted before I could even ask her what the problem is. I imidietly ran carrying her to my car and delivered her to the nearest hospital where im working. I automatically checked her condition but I can't with my situation, So I called a friend she's a good doctor. after a few hours she was out the emergency room already she was delivered to her room, the doctor explained and y/n talked privately before I could go and see her, I knew where this is going already. As I opened the door my tears are already dripping non-stop.

"Y/N!!" I shouted as I walked towards y/n. He was crying while looking at his girlfriend lying on the bed.

"Suga my love, come here please" y/n said as her tears was also dripping.

"Im here y/n, I always am"-suga

"And I will always be here for you too Suga, I will never leave you, but I need to go now Suga. I love you"

"I love you too y/n" I gathered all my strength saying every word.

"Guess I needed to complete my wish list already, there's only one thing I haven't done yet."

"and what is it my love?" I can't think about anything because im too focused on her.

"to Say goodbye"

" You can't do that, you'll fight right, you can do it y/n, don't leave me"

"I don't wanna leave you, I dont need too, but have to. please don't cry my love , pls remember I love you so much, and Im gonna watch over you up there. Im gonna be an angel, I can't be your queen anymore. So find another one Suga" before she closed her eyes she smiled at me and said "THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME SMILE LIKE THIS SUGAWARA YOUR MY ONE AND ONLY LOVE"

"PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME Y/N... come back I still need you." her smile didn't fade her smile that makes me squill, her smile that makes me cry the smile that's full of pain. the smile that gave me an undescribable warmth. I kissed her lips for the first and last time. as I heard a beeping sound. I thought I was ready but I wasn't at all.

...|*•°•THE END•°•*|...

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