Chapter 4

I also remember she once told me how scare she was to loose herself at that time she also told me when she was ten years old she tried to run away from her house because of what she was suffering from but suddenly she heard a voice coming from inside her it said that even though no one cares for you but your dad loves you if you would run away like this he will go crazy and your mother would die of grief and what about your younger sibling what impression will you leave on him.

So just think of everything and then take your steps so that there is no worse outcomes. So those thoughts hold her back from leaving her house .

I think sometimes she regret that she didn't left . She desperately wanted to tell at everyone and say please stop interfereing in her personal space bit again that thanatophobia seems to occur which stopped her . She use to ask herself when can she be able to cure her illness but she didn't find the answer. To find answers to the questions she decided to came out of her comfort zone but she couldn't because her parents were too protective and possessive and also they didn't value her thoughts . She couldn't do anything accept accepting what her parents wanted but she was desperately wanting to leave her comfort zone and find the answers to the questions which were yet to be answered.

She told me that for her father nothing is more important then his pride and respect in the society . So he always stop her from doing things she like to do . She knew somewhere in heart that people love her but not the love she wants.

It is said that very sight has a beauty even if it is a place full of unbloosmed saplings . It depends on the beauty of the seeker how the person see it . For her this phrase fits the best because in every unpleasant sight she would try to find a pleasant sight because she would try to find happiness in every little situation , she would try to find love, peace and silence in these sights .

I have heard some sayings that the person who smiles and laugh even at lame jokes hides the deepest and darkest pain and other one that I heard was when you hurt a introvert person the person would either become extrovert or more introvert and in her cause both sayings fits the best because she didn't became extrovert but chose to be more introvert . She only has her two friends that were the boy and the girl who always was by her side but they can also not stop her from being becoming more introvert.The only difference in today and yesterday was that she was carefree at that time but now she always have to think thousand time before doing anything. Her friends were able to see , that the most talkative one now doesn't talk anymore. She was becoming polite now she doesn't want to say a single thing to anyone. Keeping everything to herself was letting her go in depression. She was in a place where she was listening to everyone but wasn't reacting to anyone . Now the only thing that she can see was that everyone was leaving her that was letting her scared and let her think that her two will also leave her so she was trying to make distance from everyone. From her side she has always seen people leaving her and hurting her. No one knows how hard she cried at nights and the next morning she would pretend that she is happy and always keep smiling even if she got hurt .

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