Chapter 3

At the beach cottage..

Luke was sweating hard despite the cold evening air. He didn't dare to talk first. He knew very well that my calm demeanor only means I was holding everything in. This kind of events was what he feared the most.

A: (smiles faintly) Have you fallen out of love from me?

L: What!? No! I..It was just a set up. My friends made me do a dare. I was just going to play along but wasn't..

A: (trying to sound calm but choked) Luke Andrew Deguia! you should know better than spat lame excuses to my face. Isn't that the girl who keeps on throwing herself at you despite knowing you already have a girlfriend?

L: Love.. J..just calm down okay?? I was in bad place. You know I had failing grades and I can't tell you how depressed I am. It so happened she was there to keep me company.

A: (confused & hurt) Aren't I suppose to keep you company? I asked you a dozen times Luke but why can't share your problems with me.. I'm I not your GF?

L: You don't get it Al! I'm a guy.. it's not that simple to be compared let alone feel inferior to your lover!

A: How could you say that? I never once in our relationship compared you to me just because we took the same goddamn course!

L: Exactly Al! you haven't, yet I know you can't help but think that I'm pathetic compared to you!

A: You're the only one who's thinking that. You know how much I tried to reach out but I never thought my ways of encouragement and support made you feel inferior & that you're in a constant competition with me.

L: (frustrated) For crying out loud Al! your an ocean away from me, how am I supposed to feel your support and comfort huh?! You could've just transferred but what? instead you..

A: (slaps him hard) You think I wanted this? You of all people should know better than of the lengths I went thru, (voice cracks) but listening to your baseless judgement now. I wonder if you really cared for me at all.

Unable to control both anger and pain, I stood up.

Luke was in shock. It was the first time I ever slapped him. Moments later tears begun to form on his eyes as he spoke.

L: (breathing deeply) Al, I..I didn't mean that. Pls..pls don't do this.

I looked at the man I have loved for more than 4yrs.. overwhelmed with both love and pain, I said to him..

A: (tears uncontrollably falling) If me holding onto you will only cause you to wilt, then I'd rather choose to watch you bloom in someone else's arms.

With that being said. I walked away.

Things that followed after was an absolute mess. I learned to drink and go to parties almost every week.. eventually my grades went down to the point where I needed to transfer to another school. As if it wasn't enough, I even failed my 1st licensure board exam.

That was when I have come to realize that I needed to pull myself together or I will forever be sucked deeper into this black hole.

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