Any Way I Can - Part 3

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst to Fluff (?)

*****

“Let me in!” Jungkook suddenly yells as warm tears streamed down his cheeks. His tone changed to a soft one to match his devastation at the reality hitting him now. He’s crying because not only has he lost his child, but he’s also lost you. “Just please,” He pleads, “Let me in.”

While he’s hopelessly pleading to you from the hallway, you sit on the floor with your back on your bedroom door. Your chin is atop of your knees, one arm is hugging your legs, and your other hand is formed into a fist in your mouth to muffle up your cries. Warm tears are furiously flowing down your cheeks now, but it’s no surprise to you because these tears have been shedding ever since you learned of your miscarriage.

You know it’s childish; shutting your loved ones out like this, but you just can’t help it. You were ready for the responsibility of becoming a mother and you were excited for it. You were willing to sacrifice your sleep in the middle of the night to tend to your baby’s sudden wailing, to spend extra money on baby clothes & toys, and to have the house filled up with baby food & diapers. You were ready for the responsibility because this child is supposed to be your motivation, your key to living, your reason to be happy.

Not to color you heartbroken & depressed, but after the hardships you’ve faced with your family, the stress from school, and now the breakup with Jungkook, you were hoping that your child would be your light. Now that you lost your child, you can’t help but feel that there’s no hope for you; that you were destined to live life with no purpose. You’ve left your family, you went through years of stress, you lost your love, and you lost your baby. Maybe it’s time to face the facts: You can’t be happy. Life just won’t allow you to be happy.

“Y/n! You can’t keep ignoring us -ignoring me forever!” Jungkook yells, still pounding at your door and snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Fucking watch me!” You want to scream back, but instead, you sobbed into your fist even harder.

…

Later on that night, when it’s the late AM and when Jungkook is done trying to reach out to you, you became hungry. So you got up from bed and walked up to your door. Once you put your hand on the handle, you hesitated. You couldn’t help but wonder where Jungkook is; He just stopped yelling & knocking beating at your door so suddenly. You shake off that thought though; You had no reason to think, to worry about him, not anymore.

With a sigh, you open up your door, but you were surprised to see Jungkook lying on the floor, dead asleep. You shake your head at him, being cautious as you step over him so that he won’t wake up. Once you got your food, you trudged back upstairs, sighing as you were stepping over Jungkook again, but he caught you by surprise when he grabbed onto your ankle. Your eyes were wide, but you kept a straight face to show no emotion to his sudden action.

“Can we talk now?” Jungkook grumbles, his groggy voice prominent.

You seeth out an exhale and shake his grip off you leg before going into your room and slamming the door. You sit on the side of your bed, brushing your hand through your hair and fighting off the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. You then sigh for the umph-teenth time as you go through your drawer of your nightstand and take out a pacifier. You bit your lip as you stare at it in the palms of your hands. There was so much unfulfilled potential, so much wasted memories held within this little object; It made you want to scream at fate being so cruel to take away your child. Instead, you held it to your chest and cried.

In the early morning, which was around 5:45AM, you woke up. You sat up, this heavy weight of devastation controlling your aura right now, and for a second there, you forgot why. When you realized you were still holding the pacifier in your hands, your mind suddenly flashed back to when your doctor told you of your miscarriage, and you shook your head, not wanting to be in any more grief than what you’re already feeling. So, you sighed, deciding that you need to get something to eat before your best friend could catch you and force you to stay out of your room.

You got up to go to your door but you freeze once you put your hand on the handle because it came to your attention that Jungkook could still be out there. Immediately, you ignored any thoughts of what you could do just in case he tries to grab at your ankle again because why should you pay any regard to him? You just need to go out and come back in just like you have been doing for the past couple weeks.

Once you opened the door, you admit, you were a little surprised to see that he wasn’t still sleeping in the hallway, but that didn’t catch you off guard. You continued your business, going to the kitchen to fix yourself up some cereal & milk. As usual, you ate in the silence of the dining table, and when you finished, you cleaned up after yourself, making sure to put away your utensils as they were before, to make sure you make no trace that you were out of your room.

You trudged back upstairs and locked yourself up in your room again, but much to your surprise, Jungkook was in your bed, holding the pacifier in his hands and simply staring at it. You roll your jaw & cross your arms, a gesture that Jungkook knows all too well that you’re irritated. He ignores your unwelcoming glare. “Get out of my room, Jungkook.” You demand, your voice low and firm.

Jungkook scoffs, “What makes you think I’m going to do that?” He takes his eyes off the pacifier and looks at you. “You think I’m going to leave after I finally get the opportunity to fucking talk to you?”

“You’re going to get out of my room because you are going to respect the fact that I don’t want you here.” You responded through gritted teeth. Jungkook shrugged and you rolled your eyes, looking off to the side. “We have nothing to talk about anyways.”

“Oh really now?” Jungkook presses, and you turn your attention back to him with a raised eyebrow. “Because it seems like you have a lot of bottled up feelings you need to let out.” He points out, even holding up the pacifier for emphasis.

“Well, I certainly don’t want to let out my bottled up feelings to the likes of you.” You replied, your words rather venomous. “Since when did you care, anyways…” You mumbled.

“Goddamn it, Y/n, I always cared!” Jungkook snapped, and you were taken aback. “Just because I lost that spark for you doesn’t mean I can’t tolerate you, and it doesn’t mean I don’t care! Can you please get that into your thick skull?”

You were hurt by his outburst, and he could tell because you’re not responding & you’re just looking at the ground. Jungkook sighs, knowing that he went a little too far. “I’m sorry,” He whispers before getting up from bed and going up to you. “It’s just… I’m worried, alright? You and I both know that this isn’t healthy for you. Not physically, not mentally, and not emotionally. I want to help you, Y/n.”

“I never asked for your help.” You grumble, refusing to look at him.

“Well, you need it, and I’m willing to provide that for you.” He responds, “And I’m sure your best friend is willing to, and even your parents, too.”

Your eyes grow wide at the mention of your parents, and you try to hide your reaction by walking off to the foot of your bed to sit on. But Jungkook took notice of your actions and furrowed his eyebrows as he watched you move. “What?” He questions. “Did I say something wrong?”

“My parents,” You whisper, twiddling your fingers. You bit your lip when you pause, taking a short moment to look at him. “They still don’t know.”

“What?” Jungkook whispers intensely. “Why not?”

You roll your eyes at his rather stupid question. “If I didn’t want to talk to you nor Y/best friend’s/n, then what makes you think I want to talk to my parents?”

Jungkook’s jaw clenches, not really liking your attitude right now, but he brushes it off because he doesn’t want to ruin his chance to talk to you now that you two are together. “Call them.” He decides to respond, but before you can ask “What?”, he cuts you off saying, “Right now.”

“I’m not going to tell them over the phone!” You say in a matter-of-factly manner. “That’s like breaking up over— What are you doing?” You break your train of thought when you see him going over to your landline phone and looking for your parent’s number.

Jungkook doesn’t say anything, which only adds to your worries. He presses a button on the phone, and your eyes go wide when you hear the ringing tone put on speaker. “Oh my fucking god!” You hiss, going up to the boy and trying to get the phone so you can disconnect. Unfortunately, due to his height, he was able to raise the phone out of your reach.

Your heart pounds against your chest when your parents finally answer. “Hello?” Your mother’s voice greets. Your hand lowers from attempting to grab the phone, knowing it’s too late to try and hang up now. Your breath catches in your throat and you stare at Jungkook with eyes wide. He gestures the phone to you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. So, he purses his lips and brings the phone to his ear.

“Hello, Mrs. Y/last/n?” Jungkook greets, his tone of voice welcoming.

“Oh, I could’ve sworn Y/n or Y/best friend’s/n called…” She mumbles. “I’m sorry, who is this?”

“This is Jungkook, Ma’am…” He answers, biting his lip and peering over at you because he doesn’t know if you told her about your guys’ breakup.

“Oh,” Your mother responds, her attitude rather distasteful. “Jeon Jungkook. I don’t know what’s happened between you and my daughter, but it obviously isn’t good.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll explain myself later, but Y/n has something important to tell you.” He says, walking up to you so that you can talk to your mother.

“Something important to tell me?” Your mother repeats in a concerned nature. “What? Y/n?”

When you don’t take the phone from Jungkook, he takes your hand and forces it into your palms. Your hand shakes as you bring it up to your ear, and you look at Jungkook for some reassurance, some guidance, for fucking something. Instead, he crosses his arms and motions his chin towards you, an indication of your cue to talk.

“Hey, Mama,” Your trembling voice finally addresses, but you pause there to take a gulp, an action to help you calm your nerves.

“Y/n, darling, what’s wrong?” Your mother asks.

“I have something to tell you…”

…

Jungkook comes back to your room 5 minutes later. He left once you started talking to your mother so that you can break the news privately. Though, he must admit, he was surprised to find out that you didn’t lock the door on him. You sat on the side of your bed, elbows on your knees and your head in your hands. You were currently trying to fight off the tears and reminding yourself that your miscarriage isn’t your fault. You did notice Jungkook’s presence, but you don’t do anything to acknowledge it.

“So…” Jungkook starts, wanting to break the silence. He sits down next to you. “How did it go?”

“Um, better than I expected, I guess.” You answer softly, sniffling a bit. You then shift your head a little to look at him. “I’m kind of glad I got that out of the way.”

Jungkook smiles warmly and rubs your back. “There wasn’t anything to be worried about in the first place.”

You curve your lips upwards into a small smile, knowing that he’s right. Ideally, Jungkook wants you to be a little happier about this, but he can tell that your smile is genuine so he takes it. He moves his hand from rubbing your back to giving you a side hug.

“I know we ended on bad terms, and I know we aren’t going to be getting back together -Not that I want to, anyway. You know I still lost my feelings for you, and I’m sure you don’t want to get back together with me, but…” Jungkook pauses, because at first he was rambling and he doesn’t know why he’s getting nervous now.

You lift your head off your hands and peer at him with an eyebrow perked, wondering where he was going with this. Jungkook bites his lip, and his grip on your arm tightens a little, but not enough to hurt you. He then looks into your eyes.

“I’d really like for us to be friends.” He whispers.

There was a moment of silence; You were thinking hard about his offer and it was making him regret proposing the idea in the first place.

“Yeah,” You finally answer, “I’d really like that.”

*****

Author : Yna / Am I the queen of angst yet?

All credits to the author (~♡♡)~

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