2) my first heartbreak...

****Flashback *****

The admiration I felt for him intensified until we went to high school.

The crush I thought was turned into love. I never thought that i would fall for him that harder.

Maybe you can say it's too early to say I'm in love with him, but i really do. And that feelings never fade, never change, even when we go to college. Even though we are different in school, I could still see him because they are friends with my brother.

And that's how our story starts.

It was Sunday when he went home and as usual I was hiding in my room. And he disturbed me.

"Shane" he called me once knocking on my door. I did not answer because I was still picking up my spirit because of the suddenness.

But i compose myself as i regain it and answer him like a normal person should be.

"Why?" I ask.

"Come out for a moment".

"Why? I'm busy" I lied.

Because I'm not ready to face him, my gosh! I haven't had a bath yet!

"I will not leave until you come out, I will say something for a moment" he insisted.

I straightened my hair before opening the door.

"Why?" I immediately asked. "Are you drunk? You smell like wine".

"I'm not drunk, i just drink a little" he acknowledged.

"You are not drunk but you can't stand straigt anymore oh".

"Ay_sshhh. I have something to say, right?".

"What is it then? So i can continue what I do".

"I like you".

_ _ ?? _ _ ??.

I could not understand what he was saying. Like what? For real? Oh my gosh! My heart beat faster. I try to calm myself down.

"Do you know what you are saying?" I said angrily.

"I know what I'm doing, and I know what I'm saying. I know you are shocked but you can think about it later as long as I've said what I want to tell you."

I could not speak immediately and just stared at him. It was as if I had swallowed my own tongue.

"All right then. I'll go home now, think about it." He reminded.

I went back to bed, now what? Is what he said true? Or just because he's drunk? Ahhhhhh .... I don't know what I will do tomorrow, it will be awkward.

It was as if my heart was bursting with excitement. Huhu how should i do tomorrow? I can't face him, he might notice my feelings for him.

I was anxious to go to school the next day.

"Shaneeeee !!!" Nice meet me with more screams.

"What's wrong? You look like crazy?" I asked.

"Do you? Fo you really have a lover you didn't even say? What is this? Are we going to be secretive?" She asked.

She was actually my cousin and we happened to have the same course so we are still together.

"What lover?" I asked here.

"That!" She pointed to my chair. Flowers? Wherebdid this come from? Maybe they just gave me a good time.

"What's that trick Nice?".

"When we arrive, it's already there ?."

"Do you really have a boyfriend? I thought? Are you NBSB?" Brina asked softly, but Brian was really the real name of that gay friend of mine.

"I don't have a lover and even more so I don't have a boyfriend, maybe the person who put that was wrong".

"But it has your name in it" Nice insisted. "And then there is a letter, Hope you thought about what I said yesterday, take care and see you soon.JD." she read.

What? He gave the flower? Really crazy, what can I say to them?

"It's just a joke". She recognized.

"Tsk..tsk.... all right, we won't tease you anymore, but tell me later when we go out, huh?"

"But there's nothing for me to say".

I thought he was just drunk and didn't even mean it.

But he lasted for a few months and we have not met since that scene because he has been busy at school.

Until someone texted me and said we would meet.

I nervously entered a restaurant. My chest throbbed even harder when I saw him waving at me. I immediately approached it.

"Thank you and you accepted my invitation" he said together and pulled me to a chair.

I just smiled in response to him.

"It's been 3 months since I confess with you" it began. "It only took a while before I showed up to you because I was also busy at school. But I hope in those days you thought about it. Im serious, I have liked you for a long time. And that's how i become friends with your brother "his long explanation.

It took me a long time to recover. I nervously stared at him. Dugdugdug, shit! My heart. I might faint.

"Are you surprised?" He asked.

" I don't know how to start, or what I'm going to tell you. It's very awkward, and then I don't know that you are serious about what you said" I replied nervously.

"Believe me, I've never been this serious. But I come to you seriously" he said sincerely. I shudder.

"Shane" he said as he took my hand. "Can I be your boyfriend ?," he promised with a smile.

Not only my hands are shaking but also my flesh hahaha..shit meme ... my hair is long hahaha ....

"The truth is I've been wanting you for a long time" I said shyly. "But I would also like to ask you something," I said shyly.

"So, is it a yes then?" He asked with a smile.

"Uuhhmm, yes !," I replied with a smile. "Just promise no one will know this first," I added.

"Really? Oh my god! You don't know how happy I am" and he suddenly hugged me.

I am happy that there is a response of my love for him. I thought there was no response, but look! He's my boyfriend now. Who would have thought? It all seems like a dream.

"Wait, it's embarrassing for people here in the restaurant. You can't tell it to anyone. Maybe later when we graduate".

"Why? I'm proud to tell them and I waited for this day". He complained.

"Just promise me, nothing will know, ok?" I convinced him.

"Ok, if that's what you want. The important thing is that you are mine now," he said. My heart flatters.

"I love you" he said with a very sweet smile.

"I love you too" I replied with prim and proper posture. Trying to hold my giggles. But I really want to shout how much I love him.

I really want to sing 🎶 queen of the night, cause i am the queen of the night oh yeah oh yeahhhhhh🎶. I just didn't continue, maybe he'll take back his love hahaha ..

After our dinner we held hands and went out to the nearby park and there we spent time, talking. Talking about ourselves and the that we fall for each other.

It had been three months since I had answered James, and during those three months was the happiest day for me.

Even though we only met secretly, I was still happy. Cause we make everything worth it.

Sometimes my friends also notice that something has changed but my mouth is still shut. When we graduate, I will tell them and I know they'll be shocked. Who would have thought that I could fall in love with a hearthrob with someone as simple like me.

My graduation comes! I studied Hotel Management while he goes for Engineering. And I bought gifts for him and I intend to give it to him. I heard from my brother that they were going to have a drink at his house.

While holding the paper bag, I hurried down the road to their house. I bought a couple bracelet with our name written on it. I also plan to tell my friends now but since my older brother is also here, it's ok that they will be the first to know. I want to surprise him, so he didn't know that i was coming.

But I was the one who was surprised by what I heard. My brother Anton and Robi talked.

"How is your sister Shane, Anton?" Asked Robi who is a friend of my brother and James. They were the only two at the table, maybe James just went somewhere.

The plants that i was hiding are lush so I will not be seen immediately.

"She's fine, why?" Asked my older brother.

"Don't tell James, huh?" He said, while looked from side to side

I listened to it nervously.

"Last time when we had a drink at your house, we had a bet" said Robi.

"Bet? What bet?".

"We bet Shane to fall for him." I could not believe what I heard. It was as if I had fallen into a deep well. I clenched my fist, as my tears flowed freely.

The pain, it seems, breaks my heart. I cried uncontrollably. I can't believe what I've just heard.

Bet, that's all I am for him. All along i thought he loved me as much as I loved him. The pain hurts. I wiped my tears and tried to be calm.

"Hahahaha, Shane? She's harder than a rock. I don't think she'll fall for him."I heard my older brother.

"You think so? But until now, he didn't say anything".

"Maybe it's because he lost? Hahaha. But seriously, I don't like that idea. She's still my sister and you are my friend" my brother said. Somehow the pain felt was reduced.

She did not want to look miserable in front of them so she just left. It was as if she wad floating on the ground, while walking home. She did not care about the heat of the sun, because he felt even more pain now than the sun.

What a day !.

When I got home, I immediately went into the room and there I continued to cry.

I have poured out all the grief I feel. Eyes are swollen with tears all day. My mom knocked at night for dinner but I didn't say anything to make her think I was sleeping.

Until our graduation day I was still silent, I did not reply to him and I did not answer his calls. And every time my older brother talks to me about him, I cut him off, I don't want to hear anything about him first.

Our happy graduation have been like a hill to me. I can't smile in front of the camera no matter how hard i try. They thought I was just sad because we were going to separate, but the truth is it is more than that.

That same night he came to my house.

"Shane, James is outside" her older brother called.

I didn't want to talk to him but I thought it might be time for me to be clear. So I went out to talk to him.

"Shane" he said when he saw me.

"Do we have a problem? Why don't you answer my calls and txt?".

"We? Why? Do we have any?" I laughed. Trying to hide the pain.

We were outside the house so I could only speak softly.

"What are you saying?" He asked.

"Tell me, did you bet on me?" I boldly asked him while I did not look away from him. He did not immediately answer. Silence means yes right? Haha it hurts even more than my mother's beating.

"Shane, where did_ _ _ ??".

"So, it's true?" I interrupted.

"Please i can explain everything_ _ _".

"No need, you don't have to expalin i got it and i want to end this bullsh * ts here" i said in a sobbed.

"Please don't do this to me" he pleaded.

"I'm done, and I don't want to hear your explanation anymore because everything is clear. So just go home and don't com back or evwn text me, because this game is over."I said and I hurried into the room.

"Is there a problem?" My older brother asked me when he saw me crying.

"I'm fine," i answer.

******End of flashback ******

After that scene we never saw each other again. I left to look for a job while I heard he went to the states and finished his studies.

I cried again when I remembered the past. Even if it's been 5 years, the scars are still fresh for me.

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