Him

"In this chaos, I lost myself

In this madness, I found myself

Seeking for a life, I killed myself

Being in the crowd, I silenced myself

Even after those, I am still standing

Searching for a glory, hide my suffering

But I don't know, why I lose it every night

Seeking for a life, I killed myself."

As he sang with his soft yet soothing voice which almost sounded like his silent cry at the same time, mixing with the music made by his guitar, the audience got sucked within the world created by his music.

His music was appreciated and felt by everyone. 

"Why do they feel so close yet so far?" Nagomi thought to himself while waving and bowing at the audience with a faint smile on his lips.

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"Today was tiring." He mumbled while lighting a cig and blowing out the smoke as it slowly faded away with the winds. 

"How nice would it be, if I could disappear like that without a trace of existence." These thoughts were always normal for him, as he still hasn't found the real reason to live, to keep existing.

Nagomi Sato was an orphan, having no memory of his parents. He always wondered what love and warmth felt like, whenever he would pass by a family on any occasion.

Being bullied and thrashed out was all he knew in his childhood. The feeling of happiness and the feeling of being cherished, the feeling of home…...these feelings, these were something he never knew and now he stopped chasing them, he didn’t try to find out, not anymore. Because once you get the taste of it, returning to the normal empty days would be even harder, that's what he thought.

Maybe all the beatings had made him numb both physically and emotionally. Until he found music, his skin was his paper, razor was his pen and the blood was his ink. The proof of it was still visible with all the scars and bruises on his wrist. But now music was his way to cope and his way to express.

That's who he was, a boy who never knew the warmth but made people feel spring and autumn with just his words.

Just like his name "Nagomi" he brought people together with his music.

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Hey everyone!

Just to point out few things, I am not a japanese and neither I am fluent in it so there maybe some mistakes when I use some japanese names and their meanings.

If you guys find such mistakes, feel free to correct it and I will change it as soon as possible.

The monologue I've written at the first part is also done by me so if it's bad, forgive me for my poor skills.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Feel free to drop any kinds of feedback, as it helps in my writting growth.

I love you all.

Sour_Tangerine.

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