Hesitating in silence

It's been three months since I've seen him...with his bunny smile and kindness. but then it all disappeared...he could've got anyone he wanted. But he wanted me', I who was broken and couldn't be fixed at the time, i who was lonely and desperate. I never could tell anyone about what i was going through. Everyone always said i have a medium house and two parents i should be fine. But they don't understand. My parents are never home so i can't tell them I've always been bullied and don't have friends. Well, until jungkook i had no one to tell, and for me to finally get out what if been holding was a relief. Maybe i told him too much about me then...when i told him that i had feelings for him, he didn't say anything and we didn't talk for a couple days. Then monday he suddenly asks me to be his boyfriend..i always find myself wondering what he was thinking at that moment, and if what he felt for me was real...*heh* but i guess i know that already, he never really loved me. I told myself everyday that him just liking me would be enough, i guess it wasn't enough for me cause he didn't even like me. I guess i should've seen that coming. Who could love someone as hurt as me. I still wanted him even though he left me, i still can't shake what he said away. His words still burning in my mind. " I only stayed because my parents were friends with your parents. Now I'm free of all of your feelings and depression...I'm leaving" All I ever thought about when we were together was what i could do to change myself...was i enough? am i too fat?is it because i wear glasses and sweatshirts?? I really tried to change so he would stay with me, but in the end he left me anyways. Why is it always me who has to suffer and feel bad about myself??? why can everyone else be happy while i have to be depressed...why couldn't I be a normal kid like everyone else? I don't have any friends, jungkook left me, now the bullies at school were starting to hit me again. Jungkook, he never talks to me or sits by me anymore he has even been bullying me. Everyone at school calls me gay and disgusting. I don't know why they would hate me, why am i in trouble for loving a person no matter the gender. It's the same as being straight. We all love someone and cherish them...so why can't i do the same!!!! I-i loved him and now because of m-me being stupid he left m-me....since no one cares for me anymore why should i keep on living...w-why do i have to be in pain?? i won't ever be hurt again if i do this right?? *goes into bathroom and locks it* I-i love you mom, dad...i'm sorry...**fills bathtub* I won't be around anymore....* takes off clothes and gets into the water* I really wish i could've spend my last breath holding jungkook tightly...........

To be continued.....bye❤

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***