Sipping on my coffee, I slowly navigate my car along the winding roads towards the Spur. Even though it has been a long time since I traveled these roads, just seeing the towering pine trees littered with douglas-fir, quaking aspen, and the odd occasional red maple, their leaves providing a kaleidoscope of fall colors, I feel like I am coming home.
Following the directions provided by Google maps, I take the next exit and turn onto a long narrow road, its width only big enough to support a single car, before the road falls away to reveal the valley far below. Swallowing, and placing both my hands onto the wheel, I navigate the rest of the way with additional caution until I reach the entrance to the cabin.
The image before me is just how I remember it; the long stone driveway, curving into a circular parking area, the wide wooden porch, surrounded by more white pine trees and other native vegetation. Then the cabin itself, an A-frame dream with rustic wooden panels, broken up by large windows and finished off with a bright red door.
There are logs neatly piled up in-front and resting behind the wire and wood porch rails, ready to be used in the fireplace that I know is waiting just inside. And directly above the porch, overlooking the entrance is a balcony, where I can see comfortable-looking outdoor chairs positioned on the wooden floor just before a large double glass sliding door that I know leads into a loft-style bedroom.
Turning off the ignition, and stepping out of the car, I walk the 4 steps up to the porch and bend down lifting the welcome mat, locating the key to the front door which is in the exact place Olivia said it would be when we last spoke.
My parents had been friends with both Olivia and Paul, since before I was born, and used to come up to the Spur to visit each year to stay at their cozy 1 bedroom. We did this for as long as I can remember until I was turned 13 and then just once more time after I turned 18.
The cabin itself, was our family oasis, a home away from home, and a place that we would come and stay at yearly, to get away from the city and also visit Paul and Olivia who live in a much bigger lodge somewhere on the Spur.
Too excited to wait any longer, and dying to see if the inside looks the same, I leave everything in the car and unlock the bright red front door, stepping over the threshold once it is open. Blinking twice I sigh, at the sight before me, a tingle of excitement running down my spine as I look over the same open plan living space, consisting of a moderate size lounge, kitchen area before my eyes immediately latch onto the large stone fireplace surrounded by the comfortably worn leather couches that I used to sit as a kid on and drink hot chocolate.
I can see that there have been upgrades to the décor since I was last here, but the feel is exactly as I remember it. Placing the key on the marble kitchen benchtop, I run up the wooden staircase to the master bedroom and bathroom.
Stopping at the landing, I giggle when I look over the room. Taking up what feels like more than half the space of the loft-style bedroom, is an oversized king bed made entirely out of recycled logs and covered with a cream and red patchwork quilt and fluffy pillows, this is definitely a new feature.
Complimenting the room is a matching mirrored dresser, nightstands, and cushioned rocking chair overlooking the large double doors leading out to the balcony.
Turning to the wooden barn door at the other side of the room and opening it, I squeal when it reveals the master bathroom complete with a copper tub.
The massive bath, resting against another large window used to be my ocean where I would play mermaids with my dolls.
Moving further into the bathroom, I reach behind the back and open the glass panels on the window. Inhaling, I take in the smells of nature, breathing in the much-needed peace and expelling the tension and negativity until I am almost dizzy.
Time to unpack
......................................................................................................................
It is 5:30 pm when I finally take a seat in front of the roaring fireplace, basking in its warmth, a crisp glass of Riesling in hand.
Sipping on my drink, the subtle bubbles fizzing on my tongue, I allow myself to relax, waiting for the memories that always came around this time of the year to flow.
Even though it was a long time ago, being back on the Spur, not far from where it happened, I just know that it is going to make this year even more painful than those before. But I need this closure, I need to be able to face these memories head-on.
My mind drifts, the scene unfolding causing my body to tense as I recall the crash, my mother's cries, and my dad, trying desperately to reach me in the back seat as the car flipped.
A freak accident, the authorities called it, the fallen tree had come out of nowhere and it was a miracle for anyone to survive let alone with only minor fractures, bruising, and two tiny puncture wounds. The doctors even to this day are unsure how I managed to survive being thrown from the vehicle at that speed and to be found in the condition I was in. I should have been killed alongside them, but by some force of nature, I was fine. The only sign that I have, that reminds me that I was even part of the accident is the two little scars on the side of my neck where the two small holes were made.
But to me, the damage is still there, internal, broken, a part of me now missing.
If my parents were still alive, they would tell me that I am being silly to dwell on things that cannot be changed, that their, Doe-eyed princess is a strong and smart girl and should not let the past stop me from achieving greatness.
And in a way it hasn't, after the accident, I threw myself into my studies and then into my career, which is why I am one of the youngest account execs at my office.
Thanks to the inheritance I also have a beautifully renovated 2-bedroom 2-bathroom townhouse only 15 minutes from the city. Not to mention a large "slush" fund if ever needed.
But this is all material, and deep down, I am lonely. This is why I needed to get away – I need to deal with this so I can finally move on and maybe find someone of my own to start a family with.
Groaning at that thought, I stand up, finish my glass, and head to the car.
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Updated 52 Episodes
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