Episode 8

"Is this what you thought all the time after our first encounter?" I asked seriously.

She looked sad, pain, in sorrow, and guilty. There are a lot of adjectives to describe the woman in front of me. But I would very much prefer to describe her, right now, in this state, as a fucked-up and depressed person. So this is what my Yaya meant.

Why am I a jock? I should've seen this.

She smiled, but it didn't reach in her chinky eyes. "Nevermind. It's not easy for you to let me go. Don't worry. I'll try my best not to be stubborn."

"You can always tell me when to stop. I'll stop what I'm doing. Just don't go anywhere unless I've permitted you."

She chuckled. "You sound like my Dad."

I let out a small chuckle. "Really? How was Dad doing by the-" I cut myself off. Her family sold her off in a ginsaeng house, you moron! Try to be insensible!

"It's okay. You can always call him Dad just like you used to. I don't mind."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

"It's fine. How were your parents by the way?"

It's my turn. "They are all dead."

She looks shocked and sorry. "I'm sorry I didn't mean-"

"Guess we're even now. Don't mention it."

She didn't answer. I guess I had to try to do the first move just to know her side. "But I can tell you what happened to them if you'll tell me yours." Inside of me, I called my parents in heaven. Mom and Dad, I'm sorry for using you as a trade.

"Save it. I'm not interested." She answered.

"Aren't you afraid they might visit your dreams every night?" I tried to sound cool and goofy but I end up being a jerky-ass.

"Sure, I will add them to my list of nightmares every night."

"You-what?"

"Oh forget it. I don't need your comfort."

Fuck. She always has nightmares. Is that the reason why she's up every night crying and feeling lonely?

"That's... exactly your problem."

"Huh?"

"You always keep it yourself. Try to find someone whom you'll vent all your feelings out. It will worsen if you wouldn't."

"It's okay. I don't have to find someone."

"Because you already have me?" Again, that didn't turn out to be as one assy-joker friend who has 100% humor to comfort his friend.

"It's because I'm used to it. Why would you find someone whom you can vent all your feelings out? You'll just add burden to them."

"You're not a burden."

"For me, it's my burden if I'll burden someone."

I fucking hate this conversation. We were like teenagers even if we're not. The thought is like a roller coaster of a ride and it's pissing me off. Plus her nasty and strong personality, it's irritating me at the same time it's heart-fluttering.

"I'll guess I should put up your attitude, huh. Wouldn't you mind if someone extends help for you?" Mexica didn't answer as she put her head on my shoulder which makes me smile. What a cute gesture.

"3 min- No, 10 minutes is enough," she whispered and didn't say anything after that. The silence inside the room warmth my heart. It's a foreign feeling. I didn't remember if I ever experience this before. But all I could say is, it's heart-fluttering again.

I could feel the fast beating of my heart as her hair touch the bare skin of my shoulders.

"Mexica?"

"Hmmm..."

"Don't be so hard on yourself."

I can feel her nodding. I continued. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"What favor?"

"Cry."

"Huh."

"You can cry now."

Alas, she cried. Her head shakes as I feel her sniffing. Her shoulders were shaking too. The soft cries inside the room are like a lullaby in my system.

I let her cried on my shoulder.

Is it like this? The feeling when someone close to your heart is suffering, you were like sharing a bond that you end up pinching your heart too at its very best. Hearing her soft cries, I could feel her pain.

Pain from the past. Our memories in childhood were covered by dark memories when she entered the ginsaneg house. Life must be so hard on her. That's why I couldn't stand to see her cry or in pain. I don't want to let her go, afraid by the thought she might be in danger again.

I want to keep her close so I could watch her.

I want to remove the patches of the scars she had received from the beatings of that old Chinese bastard.

No one knows except me how I'm closing up my sanity every time I thought of her. Her cries right now... it's killing me.

And I want those people who made her shed every drop of her tears to pay for it. Even if it's the means to kill them, I would.

"Feeling better?" I asked once again.

"Yeah. Thanks."

"When will be the next session?" This time, she let out a small chuckle.

"Do you really want to see me crying?"

"Let's just say it's a rare opportunity to see you cry."

"It's night time." She said with a fake smile. "I'm not a robot. It's tiring to pretend as a strong person always. I also deserve a rest."

Now, her hazel-green eyes lock mine. "But I didn't expect I'll share those nights with you."

We remained silent after that. I tried to cup her chin to plant a kiss on her lips but she refused. "Stick to your principle. Don't fall in love with a prostitute. Despise them."

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