Episode 19

I drove well over the speed limit. I was beyond caring. I wasn't proud of my outburst but I just couldn't take it anymore. I love dad so much. Growing up, I thought he was the most handsome and perfect man I have ever known. But I was always afraid of him. He was always so critical and even when I gave him a card for his birthday, he commented on my less than impressive handwriting. I was 4 and just entered playschool. Instead of being impressed that I could write coherent sentences AT ALL, he criticized my rather loopy and large handwriting. It was disheartening when my teacher and Lydia were visibly impressed that a 4 year old who only started school for less than a month could read and write. I was never good enough. There was always something that he was not satisfied with. Me, my extra weight. Hailey, her less than stellar academic abilities and Ethan, his shyness. He always made fun of Hailey's inability to get good result in her exams. He always tells Ethan to 'buck up and act like a man'. How could he when he's merely a 10 year old boy.

I've just had it with him. I wiped the tears furiously as I neared the campus gate. I drove to the gym parking lot, wiping my face as I did so. I took deep breaths. When I was adequately calm, I got out of the car and walked towards the gym.

There were many people already milling outside the gym. I looked around for Dan and Amy. Suddenly, an arm threw itself on my shoulder. Startled, I looked over my shoulder. Amy giggled as squuezed my shoulder. I laughed.

"Ow, stop it! That hurts! " I cried in a giggle and Amy let go as she fell in step beside me. She looked at me and suddenly her face changed. She looked serious.

"Hannah, you ok?" Amy asked cautiously. Crap, of course she'd notice.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just had an argument with my dad. The usual, you know." I reassured Amy. She looked skeptical but I guess she chose to let it go.

"You know you can tell me anything, right? You know I got your back. " Amy said as we walked slowly into the gym. I smiled gratefully at her and nodded. Really, Amy's a true friend. She could always tell when I was feeling crappy.

Dan joined us a few minutes later. We walked into the already crowded gymnasium, scanning for good seats. It's a home game, so the gym was almost filled with students from my college.

Dan finally found great seats for us. As we made our way to the seats, I saw Trey and Liam in deep discussion with Coach Anders. I stared at them both. Liam and Trey both have dark hair. Trey had brown eyes while Liam had green ones. Both gorgeous and good friends. Although Trey had been weird lately. Well, since I kissed him, but that's just to be expected. My feelings were all jumbled up and with the issue with dad, I felt a little drained of energy. I was lucky that I was smart. At least all this wasn't interfering with my studies. Maybe I should just push my feelings in the back burner and just concentrate on studying and hanging out withAmy and Dan.

Just then, there was an announcement that the game was about to start. I sat up straighter and watched as each team was called and there were cheers from the crowd. I watched Liam and Trey running towards the middle of the court. Both teams looked fierce. Any one of them could win the game.

As usual, Liam practically flew all over the court.I could see the kids from the opposing team were openly impressed and staring at him. My voice was hoarse from all the cheering and screaming. Trey wasn't doing too bad himself. He and Liam were a perfect duo. Both of them moved all over the court like a well-written symphony.

In the end, we won but not by much. But who cares, we won! The other team was a strong opponent and they did their best, but in the end we won. The team were so happy and celebrating in the middle of the court. Dan, Amy and I looked on and laughed at them acting all crazy in the middle of the court. Suddenly, I caught Liam's eyes and he blew me a kiss as he smiled his huge, gorgeous smile. I waved at him and he waved back.

"Ooo.. Who are you waving at?" Amy asked with a knowing smile.

I ignored her and watched as the team went out of the court to the locker room. When I turned around, Dan and Amy were staring at me, trying to hold in their knowing smiles. I rolled my eyes with a laugh and we walked out of the gym.

Trey had texted saying we should wait for him, Liam and Ryan. That there's a party celebrating their win. We waited around and talked. I pushed my outburst with Dad far into the corners of my mind, refusing to even let it spoil my night. I was determined to get plastered, drunk off my face. I just wanted to let loose.

When Trey, Liam and Ryan finally showed up, I felt such a huge let down when I saw Alex hanging off Liam's arm. Trey came over and greeted us. He gave me a smile and put his arm around my shoulder, as per usual. Liam kinda looked at me and smiled this soft smile. I smiled back and turned away. Yeah, I know when to give up.

I went with Trey, Ryan, Dan and Amy in Dan's truck, while Liam drove his bike with Alex to the party. I was sitting between Trey and Amy. Amy kept giving me knowing looks and I kept ignoring her.

When we arrived at the party, it was already in full swing. And when the guys entered the party, they were treated like celebrities, pushing me, Dan and Amy to the background, which was fine with me. I got some jelly shots and walked around to find a nice corner to sit, drink and be drunkenly merry without interruptions.

I lost count of how many shots I've had. I was currenly downing tequila like it was going out of fashion. A guy I didn't know tried his luck but I pushed him off me and now he was currently sprawled on the floor, about 10 feet from me in a drunken stupor. He moaned a few times and even giggled some, but he never got up and I couldn't care less. I caught sight of Trey sucking the face off a tall redhead. I rolled my eyes and scoffed. Of course.

When I looked around again, I saw Liam dancing with Alex. A lump formed in my thtoat as I watched Liam dancing with his arms around Alex's slender waist. She was laughing that pretty girl laugh, her arms draped around his neck loosely. Urgh, she's such a bitch! I hate her.... No, she's not a bitch.. Not even a little. She's nice and sweet. And I don't hate her. I envy her. For being in Liam's arms right now. I'm supposed to be there, not her! Stupid cow!.. Oh my God, I'm so drunk right now.

I didn't know how long I'd been hiding in the corner. But I suddenly felt I had to pee. I got up and stumbled drunkenly around in search of the bathroom. Then, suddenly someone caught hold of my arm as I was about to fall face first onto the hardwood floor. I looked up, trying to see who it was. Liam? What the hell was he doing here? Where's Alex? I wondered.

"She's out front with some girlfriends. Are you drunk, Hannah?" Liam replied. Oh, I didn't realize that I had spoken out loud.

"Noooo...Not drunk...I gotta pee.. "I slurred and mortifyingly, did the pee wiggle. Liam chuckled as he put his arm around my waist.

"Come on, I'll help you find the bathroom." Liam said as helped me stand upright and walk along the corridor. I let Liam hold me and my head lolled on his shoulder and I was staring at his neck. What a sexy neck. I shamelessly inhaled. God, he smelt like a dream.

Then we arrived at a bathroom. Liam helped me go in and closed the door after he stepped out, giving me my privacy. I did what I had to, hoping that Liam would be waiting for me. When I opened the door, I saw him leaning against the wall, looking at his phone. When I got out of the bathroom, he looked up and smiled. He put his phone in his pants pocket and reached out for me. I shamelessly let him hold me, burying my face in his chest. Liam laughed softly.

"Hey, come on. Let's go get Amy and get you both home." Liam said as he made me walk. I did as told and hung onto him tight as we both walked along the dimly lit corridor. Just then, klutzy old me tripped on my own feet and tumbled down the floor, pulling Liam with me. I fell on my ass and Liam fell on his knees. I giggled and Liam chuckled as he tried to get up and heaved me up as well. When I was up,my back against the wall I pulled him to me, my hands on his shoulders. I looked at his face. His green eyes looked at me quizzically.

"You have really beautiful eyes. I wish my eyes are like yours. Brown eyes are so boring." I slurred, marvelling at his green eyes. I put both my hands on the side of his face.

"I think your eyes are perfect." Liam said as he smoothed my dishevelled hair from my eyes.

Without thinking, and because of the thousands of units of alcohol in my system, I pulled Liam gently to me and captured his lips with mine. In my drunken haze, I could feel him stiffen a little and his lips froze under mine. With my new found Dutch courage, I continued to softly kiss him, not realizing the repercussion of my action. I felt him started to respond and my alcohol-clouded mind rejoiced. Wheeeee! He was kissing me back! Then I felt his grip on my waist tightened. And all of a sudden I was kissing air. I looked at Liam, confused.

"What's wrong? Why did you stop?" I mumbled in confusion.

"We can't Hannah." Liam said levelly.

"Why not? I like you. A loooottt... Don't you like me?" I mumbled as I started trailing kisses from his cheek to his jaw. Liam gently pushed me off him and held me by the shoulders, pinning me to the wall. I stared at him, totally pissed off. I saw him took deep breaths.

"Look, let's find Dan and Amy and get you home." Liam said as he tried to pull me off the wall. I resisted and pulled at his shirt. Liam looked at me, surprised at my strength in spite of my drunken state.

"Why won't you kiss me? Don't you like me..?" I pleaded as I looked him. Liam sighed and didn't answer me.

"Of course I like you.. Come on, you're drunk." Liam said simply. I resisted and made him look at me. I may be drunk, but I could still hold my own. I just lost all rational thinking.

"You don't want me, do you? That's why you don't want to kiss me. Oh my God, you think I'm too fat, don't you?! And ugly, you think I'm ugly..." I spoke in realization. Well, in my drunken haze, that was perfectly logical explanation.

"No! No! You're beautiful. I just.. I don't want to take advantage of you, ok.. "Liam spoke as he held my shoulders and looked at me. I looked at him, feeling deflated. Suddenly, I felt sober. The tequila haze had started to fade and I realized what had just happened.

"Hannah! There you are! Where were you?! We were looking everywhere for you!" Amy's voice rang out suddenly. I looked at Amy, suddenly struck dumb from shock. The shock from rejection.

"Amy, can you take Hannah back to the dorm with you? I gotta find Alex." Liam said as he let go of me. Amy came to my side and helped me. I didn't even look at Liam

"Hannah, I'll call you ok." Liam said as he touched my arm. I pulled my arm away roughly. Amy stared at me, surprised at my actions. She looked at Liam for some explanation. He just kept quiet.

"Whatever, asshole. " I mumbled, not looking at him. I could sense Liam was surprised at my response. Then he left.

"Hannah! What was that? Did you guys fight or something?" Amy asked as she helped me to the truck, where Dan was waiting for us.

Dan was sober and helped me and Amy who was a little tipsy into his truck. I sat in the back, alone. Not really looking at anything. I was slowly sobering up and started to realize what had just happened. I had thrown myself at Liam and he had said no thanks. I closed my eyes and died slowly inside from the utter mortification of what I had done.

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