Episode 18

Am I fickle? Probably. I thought I liked Trey, but he seemed like he didn't like me THAT way. Liam knew I liked Trey, so he might have zero feelings for me. Truth to be told, I've never had a boyfriend before. So, I had no idea what to do if I like a guy. I mean, I could like, confess and tell the guy I like him, but I would rather swim in a sea full of sharks. Really. I find sharks less intimidating. At least I know the sharks would eat me. Sharks would never reject me, ever! Whereas guys aren't a sure thing. The humiliation of being rejected by a guy I like trumps shark attacks any day. Oh God, I gotta stop thinking about sharks!

"So.. You wanna go?" The raven-haired beauty asked with a demure smile. I snapped out of it and sneaked a look at Liam. He was wearing a small smile, but looked thoughtful.

"Uhm, actually I have a game tonight. Why don't you come see me play instead?" Liam said and the girl smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, sure. Why not? " She said with a huge smile on her face.

I saw her face lit up like a Christmas tree and felt my heart drop. Of course he would go out with her. I turned to my notes as both of them started talking about crap I don't care about.

After class ended, I walked out and didn't wait for Liam since the raven beauty was walking with him.

"Hannah, wait up!" I heard Liam calling me. I stopped walking, took a deept breath and looked over my shoulder. Liam and 'her' were walking towards me. Liam was smiling. Of course he was. He just got asked out on a date.

"Hannah, did you forget we always have lunch together?" Liam said as he fell into step beside me. The girl was beside Liam.

"Oh, Hannah. You do know Alex, right? Alex, this is Hannah." Liam made the introduction.

"Hi, yeah I know who you are. We have a few classes together. Nice to finally meet you." Alex was nice. Crap.

"Yeah, nice meeting you, too." I said and I meant it. It was hard to hate her.

All three of us walked to the nearest cafe. We all ordered sandwiches and bottled water. As we ate, I studied Alex carefully. She was petite, with smooth caramel skin, full pink lips and long wavy black hair. Her hair was so gorgeous. She looked mixed. Lucky, lucky her. And her smile was breathtaking. I do not stand a chance. I sighed. I looked at my phone and texted Trey.

Me :Trey, where are u?

I looked at my phone and willed for Trey to reply to my message. Where the hell is he?!

I didn't hear from Trey until the next day in class. And even then he was busy talking to Ryan and Liam since there's a basketball game that night. I sighed as I waited for Prof Portman. He was weirdly late that morning.

"Hey, you ok? You look like you're having some issues." Dan said as he put his arm around my shoulders. I lay my head on his shoulder and sighed.

"Dan, if we are still single when we turn 40, you wanna get married? I swear you only have to be my best friend. No sex, deal?" I said, and Dan chuckled.

"Of course. But what's with the no sex clause. You know you're the only girl I'd turn straight for." Dan said as he kissed my temple with a chuckle. I love Dan. If only he's straight and well, I like him THAT way..sigh..

Just then Prof Portman came in. He looked rushed as he apologized for his tardiness. I sighed as I opened my laptop. Trey was finally beside me, Liam sitting beside him on his other side. With my attention focused on the lecturer in the front of the hall, I tried to forget about Liam. Trey was beside me, acting like I didn't text him last night.

When class ended, I was about to get up when my phone rang. I sighed. Dad. I answered the phone with a heavy heart.

"Hello. " I answered without enthusiasm.

"Hannah, get me some of that ham you bought last week. But make sure they trim off all the fat. It was so fatty last time, I almost vomited." Dad barked over the phone and hung up before I could say anything. I bit my lower lip to keep from screaming. I hung up and walked out of the lecture hall.

"Hannah, wait up! Where are you going? Wanna get something to eat with me and Alex?" Liam asked suddenly as he fell in step beside me, Alex on his other side.

"Oh, um sorry, maybe next time. I gotta run some errands for my dad. I'll see you around." I said and walked away. I could feel Liam watching me. I couldn't really spend as much time. Not with Alex around. She might not like it.

After I bought the ham, I drove home, dreading it. At home, I looked around but Hailey was nowhere to be found. Probably trying to stay away from dad. I don't blame her. I just put the ham on the kitchen counter and got up to my room. I didn't want to see Dad. We might get into an argument as usual. I was not in the mood to face anybody.

In my room, I just lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Just then my phone vibrated. I turned to my side and picked it up. Liam? Frowning, I answered the phone.

"Hello. " I said, as I sat up quickly.

"Hannah? Hey, it's Liam. Are you busy? " Liam asked on the other end.

"Erm, not really. Just you know, hanging out. Alone, haha. What's up?" Stop it Hannah! What the heck is wrong with you?! I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.

"Oh, I'm just calling to ask if you're going to the game tonight?" Liam said.

"Right, the game's tonight. Of course I'm going. I'm meeting the others at 7 later." I said matter-of-factually.

"Great! I was hoping you'd be there." Liam said, causing my heart to beat so hard I almost hyperventilated.

"Oh, really?" I said, struggling to keep my voice devoid of glee and girlish excitement.

"Of course, we need all the support that we can get. It's the playoffs, so I'm kinda nervous." Liam said with a nervous laugh.

"Oh, you'll be great. I've seen you play. Believe me, you guys got this." I said confidently, although deflated with Liam's reason for wanting me to attend his game.

We talked for a few more minutes and then finally, when we hung up, I let out the breath that I had been holding all this while. I got up and went to have a shower. I figured I need to leave soon since it would take me more than an hour to get back to campus for the game.

When I'm all ready, I got down and got my car keys. As I walked towards the kitchen, I saw my dad, Lydia and Ethan in the kitchen. Lydia was cooking, Ethan was doing homework and dad was frowning at something on the laptop. I breezed into the kitchen and ruffled Ethan's hair.

"Oh, Hannah. Thanks for picking up the ham. You're staying for dinner?" Lydia said as she cut some vegetables on the kitchen island. I just shook my head, no.

"Where are you going Hannah?" Ethan asked as he looked up from his homework. I went to the fridge to grab a bottled water and turned to look at Lydia. I could see dad watching me from the corner of my eye.

"What, you have a date or something?" Dad asked, strangely interested with me all of a sudden.

"A date? Really? Wow, that's nice! Oh, is it, with that ..um..what's his name? Lionel, Leslie.."Lydia tried to remember Liam's name.

"It's Liam, mum." Ethan said as he rolled his eyes. As if to say, 'Huh, old people!'

"You mean, that really good-looking guy who came over last week? You have a date with him? Seriously?" Dad asked, incredulously.

"No, I do not have a date. I'm watching a basketball game. Him and a few of my other friends are playing. Plus, he's just a friend, anyway." I said as I put the water into my bag.

"I knew he wasn't your boyfriend. A guy like that can get any girl he wants, why in the world would he choose you?" Dad said maliciously, his words like knives stabbing me in the face. I felt my face became red with anger. Of course he would say that. Lydia stared t him in disbelief. Something snapped in me. The hay that broke the camel's back.

"Right, why would he choose fat old me, huh Dad? I mean, you've been telling me all my life that fat people are lazy slobs who do not deserve to have a boyfriend or anyone who loves them, right? I mean, God forbid a person like me has somebody who loves her. Seriously Dad, I'm too old for this. I'm not 12 anymore. What ever you say means shit to me. I like myself. I look fucking hot most of the time. If you don't think so, then you can f-!" I was on a roll!

"How dare you speak to me like that in my own house!" Dad said, his voice dangerously low.

"Hannah! Honey.." Lydia called out before I said anymore things that I might regret. Dad was staring at me, shock and anger evident on his face. . He looked like he waa trembling in anger but he was not able to say anything else for the first time in his arrogant, superior life. This was the first time I've spoken out like this. I struggled to keep my voice from cracking and tears from flowing down my cheeks. I took a shaky breath and continued.

"You know, Dad. I'm 20 years old. I'm smart. Hell, I have an IQ of 124! I'm pretty and I have friends who care about me and who loves me in spite of you thinking that I'm too fat. I'm not fat. You, of all people should just love me and appreciate me just the way I am. All I ask is for my own father to think that I'm pretty. To think that I'm worth it. That I matter. I want to matter to you. Not to some guy. Just you, dad. Why can't you just love me? Why?!" I cried and stared at Dad who looked red in the face and was still as a statue. Lydia was holding my arm and Ethan was staring at me, shocked at my outburst. Suddenly I felt tired and I needed to get out.

" You know what, fuck it. I'm late and I don't have time for this. Lydia, I'm staying on campus." I said as I took my jacket and bag from the kitchen counter and moved to the kitchen door. Lydia tried to stop me but I just slammed the door in her face. I wasn't proud of what I did to her. After all, she was like a mother to me. Taking a deep shaky breath, I walked briskly to my car and drove to the campus.

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