Confusion

"hic!.. hicc! I... I don't wanna go! Hic! Let me stay here! I wanna stay! Hicc!" There's darkness and darkness everywhere. I can't see! Let me out! Where am I? Help me someone! My body is not moving.

Is that you Augustus? Wait for me! Don't run away! Wait! Wait! Don't leave me. I'm scared.

It's gettin' darker... and my limbs aren't even movin'. It's suffo...catin' me. Please... Augus... Someone, anyone! H...hel...p...

"Help!" I jumped as I trembled in fear and was still shaking nervously.

"Eh? Wasn't I... about to die?

Oh, another nightmare..."

I've been getting nightmares for two years continuously. But I still can't get used to it. I can't explain how horrible it feels everytime. But, today's nightmare wasn't so horrific compared to the usual ones.

Sometimes, I see my mother. She would gently rub her palms around my cheeks and suddenly, she'd fall down unconscious. I look at her as though I was the one who knocked her off.

My body wasn't under my control.

And then, sometimes I meet my father. He'd call me to hug him. I'd run as fast as I could, but it was impossible to reach him. I could see him, hear him, feel him, but never reach him. It felt like a curse.

Nightmares? Some say it's good to meet your parents.

But, no! It's not.

I don't want to see my parents dying every night and recall that I'm... I'm... an orphan... without...

No, it's okay.

I'm fine.

I picked up my white coat and put on my Pink Carat lip tint. I was already in a hurry as I was supposed to go with Lolli to University so I couldn't do my usual beauty routine.

I rushed downstairs after picking up the toast and drinking  my banana milk.

I found Lolli waiting in her car for me.  I totally messed up our plans. Luckily, she's in a good mood and isn't angered over me being late. She seriously hates driving, and it's always she and her driver riding together. She also doesn't prefer bikes. In that sense, we have the same preferences.

Just as I sat next to her, she starts her chit-chat.

"Look, Hae Ra! Alexa is going to transfer to our university!"

And this Alexa, is not just anyone you'd find walkin' on the streets. She was a Korean model back when I was in high school and now she works as a runaway model in the New York Fashion Week. I remember how conceited and opinionated she was even when she was young and that's 'cause...  "Hae Ra! Hae Ra! See here..." Wow! Lolli can even interrupt my thoughts, unbelievable!

Even her driver was wondering what was so important that Lolli keeps over-reacting. I saw him smirk! Damn, he sure enjoys his time as Lolli's driver. I need to suggest her to get a new driver.

As usual, Lolli is updating me with the latest news on celebrities. But, I gravely am not interested. However, since it relates to our university, I took a peek at her cellphone. Alexa looked stunning even in her casual outfit. Her long wavy hair reached down till her knees. It was breathtaking. She sure is ever-ready for the paparazzi.

Then, I read the headlines;

Alexa planning to transfer her university?

It's almost unnoticeable, but there is an interrogation mark in it. So, it's not actually a confirmed news. It's basically a question.

I told her,

"It's not even confirmed news!"

However Lolli burst out again,

"Augustus is moving to our university!"

"Eh?"

"Could you repeat that?"

Lolli showed it to me. I was dumbstruck. There was no question mark, it was a clear announcement.

I could feel his presence in here. His breath brushing through my ears. His laughter running through my mind. His soft palms touching my cheeks and caressed my hair strings.

It gave me the chills.

I seriously don't wanna remember the memories from back then. Lolli doesn't know about Augustus being my first love. I don't plan to inform her either; no way! She's gonna freak out.

And yes, this is the same Augustus from my nightmares; scary and nerve-racking as I want to remember.

My face turned pale as I was lost in deep thoughts. I didn't notice it until Lolli brought me back to my senses.

I know I get a little swayed whenever Augustus is involved. But, he only comes in my nightmares and I don't want to remember the past.

He's transferring here, but why am I so nervous. Is he even that important to think of? No, he is not. I have moved on, so I don't need to be awkward around him. Yes, I will not be an awkward person around him if he's coming indeed.

Lolli informed me that Augustus will be here by next week.

She said he's very famous around here and has a lot of girls who are interested and drool over him; Yeah, I know that. It was always this way. He had girls chasin' after him inevitably.

What about me? Am I also intrigued by him?

No way!

It's so weird and embarrassing at the same time.

However, I'm actually interested in meeting him.

No, it ISN'T because he's a celebrity now, okay? It's not because he has this awesomely sharp jawline despite being born half Korean and also has this great muscular abs which are taut without adhesive.

Damn. I must agree; he's hot.

☃️

"So, where are you gonna be tomorrow?" I inquired Walter waiting for a response to transparent my uncertainty.

"Probably, practicing basketball with my mates?" He said avoidin' eye contact. His voice wasn't his usual gruffly husky, but croaking and abrupt. I knew he was lying, but he couldn't have been more evident.

I simpered and pretended to play this little 'game of deception'.

"So, will you not be able to accompany me tomorrow? I mean... The last time we went on a date was ages ago!"

"Oh, is it? But, I can't... You know how important basketball is to me!"

He held my hands and then, touched my cheeks. It was driving me crazy.

I don't know what was goin' on in his mind; but something was not right.

"Um... Walter, is everything alright?" I asked him worried if something was bothering him.

He curtailed his arms back and then gave out a forced smile saying, "everything is ok, my Ms. Park!" And he stretched out his arms to hug me. I actually don't know whether he's actually telling me the truth or is there something I don't know about him yet?

"I can wait for-" "no." He interrupted.

"Don't wait for me. I have some things to take care of, so I can't go along with you."

He keeps cancelling me out. It won't have bothered me if I didn't know it already that there was no practice tomorrow. I just wanted to spent some time with him. Why are you behavin' this way, Walter?

I looked elsewhere and clenched my fist.

"Hae Ra, I'm sure there will be a next time we go out on dates. Don't you worry too much. It's no big deal!"

Well, that maybe true that I'm contemplating it too much. I need to think things through before just judging him. Yes, that's it.

"You're right. We can go on dates later on." I should trust him. I maybe wrong in not asking him as to why he was lying, but... I just want him to trust me like I do. I will wait, till you are ready Walter. So don't make me wait too long.

I could feel the day getting colder and gentle chilly breeze rushing.

"Walter, it's snowing." I pointed out. I thought he'd remember the day we first met, it was snowing back then as well.

"It is indeed" he said monotonously.

I looked at him wondering if he was the same person I decided to give my heart.

"Walter, is there something I need to know?"

...*******...

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