Chapter 19 - There Is No Solution

I've been busy in my workshop lately. I've been trying to find a way to reconstruct my time travelling orb but it's no use. It is broken and unrepairable. Therefore, I've got to make my own again. That alone will be a harder feat than trying to find the equation. In order to make the orb, I've got to find the perfect ratio of the different materials involved. Even a pinch extra could cause a time explosion, potentially creating a black hole.

Arte walked into my manor and saw me sitting outside, throwing a rubber ball against the wall relentlessly. He hesitated but then walked up to me and sat against the pillar next to mine, facing away from me. "This isn't like you, sitting outside and doing nothing." I smiled and threw my ball one last time before catching it, squeezing the rubber in my hand.

"I just learnt that there is no chance I'm going back home." His eyes lit up. "Wait, really?" I nodded, throwing my ball again. "I don't have the measuring tools to accurately make another sphere. Therefore, I cannot return back." My sullen expression suddenly made the world appear black and white in Arte's vision.

"You... wanted to go back? And leave us all?" I turned towards him and nodded without hesitation. "I'm never one to stay in one place. I must move on and learn more things, travel around the world and find out new discoveries, new theories, new-" "Is that really what you want?"

That line... surprised me. "What you are talking about... it sounds like someone else's dream. Not yours. What do you want, right here and now? I'll get it for you!" Why do I want to go out and discover new things? What's the point? To occupy myself? To give my life meaning? I didn't know anymore... what was my life's meaning?

The rest of the day, Arte's words lingered on my mind, making me unable to shake them off. I needed a drink. Something strong to knock me out cold. However, normal alcohol doesn't make me drunk. It just makes me feel tired and that's never good.

What did I want? What did I feel? Those questions were asked by a therapist when my parents died. And I replied to him "Crying or sobbing won't bring my parents back. All human beings die. That's the one thing that they can be relied upon to do." After that, even the therapist seemed scared of me. Doctors seemed scared of my intelligence and slowly, I started to veer from being normal.

No one has ever asked me what I want, what I need. Why should I return back there? What a joke. All I'll be doing is giving a piece of technology centuries ahead of their time to a bunch of idiots who would use it for their own benefit. In this world, in this era, I've got people who care about me and a brand new world to discover. Why should I even try going back there? That poisonous world isn't worth my time, my energy or my brain power. I'm much more suited here, exploring and making new friends.

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