Careful lines

The alarm buzzed sharply at 5:30 a.m., but Autumn was already awake, staring at the ceiling like she was counting invisible cracks. Her apartment was silent except for the low hum of the city outside. She sat up, heart already racing, because the day ahead was mapped out in numbers, deadlines, and expectations, hers, her family’s, the ones she never asked for.

Coffee was the first line of defense. She moved through her small kitchen like clockwork, measuring water, grinding beans. Precision was comforting, a safe space. Her job as an accountant demanded it, but so did her life, everything calculated, nothing left to chance.

Her phone buzzed. A message from Dad. “Any update on the promotion? Don’t forget the Wilson account review.” No “good morning,” no “hope you slept well.” Just business.

She typed back carefully, “Preparing the report. Will send by noon.” And hit send before the knot in her stomach could grow.

At breakfast, her mother smiled, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. Her father cleared his throat, eyes scanning the morning paper but not really reading it.

“So, Autumn, heard your work got some attention again,” he said, voice clipped. “Don’t get distracted. You’re the one who must make sure this family looks good.”

Autumn swallowed a bitter sip of tea. “I’m doing my best.”

“Good,” he said, but the word felt like a ledger entry, cold and impersonal.

Her mother chimed in softly, “We’re proud of you, dear.” But Autumn caught the way her eyes flicked to her father, waiting for his approval.

She wanted to say, I’m more than numbers and reports, but instead, she nodded, keeping her gaze on her plate.

Later, at the office, the weight of expectations pressed down on her chest. Her ex, Alain, was just a text away, but she didn’t want to open that door today.

Because love with him was never simple. It was a math problem she couldn’t solve, a balance sheet that always ended in loss.

“You’re too intense,” his words echoed, slicing sharper than any audit.

Autumn closed her eyes and pictured rain tapping on her window, honest, unafraid to be messy. It was safer than pretending her heart wasn’t breaking in silence.

And so, she kept her life neat, her feelings locked tight, and her walls higher than anyone could climb.

…………

The phone screen glowed in the dim morning light, Alain’s name, flashing insistently. Can we talk?

Autumn’s fingers hovered, trembling. She wanted to scream No, to remove it and lock away the memories like a secret too painful to revisit.

But instead, she stared down at the tiny screen and let the silence answer for her.

Because loving Alain had been a beautiful lie.

She remembered the early days with sharp clarity, his easy laugh, the way he’d brush strands of hair from her face like he worshipped every inch of her skin. The nights when the world felt small and safe, wrapped in his arms.

But the light faded fast.

Arguments came like storms she didn’t see coming. His words cut sharper than any knife. “You’re too intense.” “I can’t manage your mood swings.” “Maybe I made a mistake.”

Those words weren’t just cruel, they echoed the fears she’d buried since childhood, the voice of a father who only loved her when she was flawless.

And then came the betrayal.

Discovering he was with someone else wasn’t just heartbreak. It was confirmation: she wasn’t enough.

The ache wrapped tight around her chest like a nose.

She curled herself, fingers clutching the thin sheet like it might keep the pain at bay.

I’m too much.

I’m not lovable.

I’ll always be alone.

She refused to say it aloud.

Instead, she breathed in the quiet, letting the ghost of their love dissolve into the chilly morning air.

And promised herself she’d never trust like that again.

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