"Born In Silence: A Heart That Was Never Heard"

My First and Last?

I dated for the first time when I was 18. That was my college phase — when everything was new, a little exciting, and a bit confusing too. I never thought I’d be the one to make the first move, but I did. I approached him.

Why? Because I felt safe around him. He wasn’t loud or overly charming. He was quiet, calm — the kind of guy who doesn’t draw too much attention, but when he speaks, you want to listen. And at that time, I used to hear people around me talking about love, dating, and relationships. Somewhere deep inside, I believed in something simple:

“If I ever date someone, he’ll be my first and last.”

I wasn’t the girl who wanted to jump from one relationship to another. I wanted one person, one bond, one heart. So, I gathered the courage and told him honestly,

“You’re my first and last. After you, I’m not going to make anyone else my boyfriend.”

He looked at me for a second. Then he said something that I still remember clearly:

“I’ll hurt you.”

That hit me. I paused and asked,

“So… I take that as a no?”

He replied,

“I need some time.”

And I said,

“Take your time. As much as you want.”

Two weeks passed. No answer. I kept checking my phone every day. Overthinking. Doubting. Hoping.

So, I asked again,

“What do you think about me? Is it a yes or a no?”

He didn’t give me a straight answer. Instead, he said,

“My cousin said you’re the right girl.”

That confused me. I had only met his cousin twice. Once at a gathering, and once just in passing. So that made it even weirder.

I asked him again,

“Then when are you going to give your final answer?”

He said,

“Soon.”

Then one day, he invited me to watch a movie at the theater. I thought we were going as a group, with friends. But it turned out to be just the two of us. And during the break — the movie’s interval — he finally said yes.

That’s how it all started. Our so-called relationship.

We barely talked. Honestly, I had no clue what couples were supposed to talk about. I was new to all this. And from the very beginning, I told him clearly:

“I don’t want any physical relationship. So don’t expect that from me.”

He said,

“Okay.”

Our relationship lasted only 78 days. Around two and a half months. In that time, we went on maybe three or four dates. The first two months were quiet, simple, and nothing dramatic. I didn’t demand much. I didn’t expect fancy things. I just wanted honesty and consistency.

But then, something changed.

I noticed he started chasing another girl. He started giving her attention, and I could feel his distance from me growing.

One day, all of us were sitting in the classroom as a group. He was sitting close to me. But the moment that girl walked in, he moved away. Physically shifted.

Like I was something to hide.

That moment?

It hurt. A lot.

But again, I stayed silent. Our relationship was a secret, after all.

A few weeks later, I received a message from him. He said,

“We’re good friends. What we’re doing is wrong. Our friends are getting suspicious.”

I didn’t react. I’ve never liked drama. I don’t cry easily. I don’t beg. And most importantly — I hadn’t fallen for him. I wasn’t emotionally attached the way people think girls always are.

So I replied,

“Okay.”

Then he added,

“We’ll still be friends.”

But for me? That’s not how it works.

How can you go back to being just friends with someone you’ve kissed? With someone you opened your heart to, even a little?

No. That’s not me.

So, I slowly started cutting him off. Quietly. Without shouting, without asking “why,” without blaming him.

I just faded away — like I never existed.

The truth is, we only shared one kiss. Nothing more. I had drawn my boundaries from the very beginning, and I never crossed them. No matter what he expected from me, I stayed true to myself.

Now when I think back… I feel like maybe he thought I would beg him to stay. That I’d cry. Chase him. Make a scene.

But guess what?

He was wrong.

Because I didn’t beg.

I didn’t cry.

I didn’t even look back.

I moved on. Quietly.

Like I always do.

I also wrote a poem style quote.

"I Didn’t Cry"

I didn’t cry when he left,

Because my heart was never held —