Ch.4 I’m well aware (in my heart).

Phat sat alone reading a book at the café in front of the school.

People bustled past in every direction, yet an unshakable sense of loneliness lingered in Phat’s heart.

The book lay open in front of him, but he had been stuck on the same page for hours.

The lively chatter of a group of girls who had just sat down at the next table caught his attention,

prompting him to glance over without meaning to.

"So, how was it, Ploypailin? Went to eat... liver—oops, I mean dinner—with P'Tonnam yesterday, huh? You're not even walking straight today, girl! Hahaha!"

The table beside him erupted in laughter as the girls teased Ploypailin.

"Ugh! Well... it was just as wild as the rumors say. You saw how I was walking—you could guess, right? But I have no idea what was going through his damn head. We were in the middle of it, I was just about to reach heaven, and suddenly he just stopped, left me hanging, and walked right out of the pool. I was so confused," Ploypailin recounted to her friends with clear frustration in her voice.

"Wait—what?! You two did it in the pool? That sounds amazing!"

"Hell yeah!! I felt like I was left stranded in heaven," Ploypailin replied, slamming her hand on the table with a loud

"Bang!"

"So what happened after that?" another friend asked eagerly, clearly excited.

"What do you think? Everyone went their separate ways. Back to our own homes," she shrugged.

Phat heard every word from the table next to him loud and clear.

He tried to push Tonnam out of his conflicted heart, tried to forget everything that had happened.

But the more he tried to forget, the more memories kept coming back, uninvited.

"Plop... plop..."

Drops of water fell onto the open page of his book. Phat hadn't even realized when the tears began to fall.

He forced himself to snap back to reality, whispering in his heart to be strong.

He told himself not to think about Tonnam anymore. Told himself to forget everything.

"Phat!! Stop crying already. Just forget it... remember, you were never anything to each other in the first place,"

he muttered softly to himself.

"He was just a childhood friend... I should’ve never let myself think it could be more than that."

He tried to stop the tears from flowing, but the more he resisted, the more they poured out.

"Plop... plop..."

Laughter and conversation echoed from afar as Tonnam, Phupha, and Asara walked into the same café they all used to frequent.

Their eyes landed on Pat, who was still sitting alone at the same corner table by the window, his book open before him.

"Phupha! Why do you always tease like this? We’re walking with friends, you know. Don’t you think As will be embarrassed?"

Asara’s voice scolded Phupha from the café entrance.

"Asaraaaa, I didn’t even do anything! I just nuzzled your neck a little, that’s all. Hahaha!"

Phupha replied playfully with a cheeky grin.

"Phupha! Keep your voice down, please!! There are so many people around! As is getting mad now!"

Asara snapped back in a low but stern voice.

Asara gave Phupha a fierce side-eye, which only made Phupha burst out laughing.

The sight made Asara’s face turn bright red from embarrassment, blushing all the way to his ears.

He gave Phupha a loud slap on the shoulder before quickly walking over to join Phat at their usual corner window seat.

"Smack!"

"Ouch!!"

"Hey Phat, what’s wrong? Your eyes are all red—did you cry or something?"

Asara looked at his friend in surprise when he noticed Pat’s tear-filled eyes.

"No, it's nothing… just some dust in my eye," Phat replied softly, then lowered his head and returned to his book.

A tall young man smiled brightly at Phat, his eyes sparkling with joy as he walked over to their usual table by the window.

As he approached, he caught sight of Ploypailin sitting at the next table and politely greeted her.

"Ploypailin, he’s coming this way," one of her friends whispered, nudging her with a signal.

"Yeah, I see him."

"Good to see you again, Ploypailin," Tonnam said with a warm smile.

"Nice to see you too. Would you like to join us?"

"It’s alright, I’m going to sit with my friends."

The atmosphere went quiet for a moment, without any particular reason.

Phupha decided to break the silence by starting a new conversation.

"Oh! Phat, have you been sitting here long? How far have you gotten in your book?"

Phupha started a new conversation to ease the growing tension in the air.

"Been here a while. I was just about to head out," Phat replied.

"Would you like something to drink, Pat?"

Asara looked at him gently before asking in a soft voice.

"No, that’s okay. I’m leaving now," Phat responded as he packed his book into his bag.

"Phupha, could you go get a matcha green tea for me, please?"

"Sure thing, my love," Phupha replied with a grin.

Asara gave his boyfriend a look before telling him exactly what to order at the counter.

At the same time, Tonnam returned from the next table and sat down to Phat’s right.

"Tonnam, can you go order a strawberry smoothie for Phat?" Asara asked.

Without hesitation, Tonnam stood up and walked over to the counter to order the drink.

He soon returned and handed the strawberry smoothie to Phat with a smile.

The atmosphere around them became awkwardly quiet, prompting Asara to speak up.

"Everyone, there's a new restaurant that just opened. Want to go check it out together this evening? I’ve already made a reservation."

Asara invited everyone to have dinner together after class.

Phat accepted without hesitation.

"You already booked it? Sounds good, I’m free anyway. What time are we going?"

"It’s booked for 6 p.m.," Asara replied.

"Asara, want to take a little walk with me outside? I’m feeling a bit stiff," Phupha asked.

"Alright, then we’ll see you all this evening. I’ll head home for now—I’ve got a few things to take care of first," Asara added.

Phupha invited Asara to take a short walk outside to relax from studying—and to give Tonnam a chance to talk things through with Phat.

Phupha locked eyes with Tonnam, a silent signal that hinted at his real intention in that moment.

But just then, Phat got up and walked out of the café.

Tonnam could only watch him go, eyes following Phat’s back until he disappeared from view.

“Tonnam, what the hell are you doing just standing there? Why didn’t you go after him? Can’t you think at a time like this?”

Phupha hissed, nudging Tonnam to snap out of it.

“This is exactly why nothing changes.”

“He said he was heading home…” Tonnam replied weakly, his voice trailing off.

“And you believed that? Come on—at least follow him from a distance or something. Standing there doing nothing just makes you look pathetic. Are you stupid or just clueless? Seriously, this is embarrassing.”

Phupha muttered in frustration, then turned to Asara.

“Let’s go, Asara. There’s a bar right next to the school. Let’s have some mocktails and take a breather.”

He looked down at Asara’s hand, gently took it in his own, and led him out of the café.

Meanwhile, Tonnam quietly followed Phat from a distance.

Pat walked slowly along the road, his mind overwhelmed with swirling thoughts.

Eventually, he stopped in front of a lotus pond and stared at the fish swimming freely inside.

He spoke softly—more to himself than to anyone else.

“Little fish, I envy you… swimming around like that looks so fun. You don’t seem to have a care in the world, huh?”

Tonnam stood at a distance, still too hesitant to approach.

He thought to himself that maybe he still had time—time to make things right with Phat.

But deep down, the sight of Phat like this, broken and hurting because of him, tore at his heart.

He wanted so badly to run up and pull Phat into a tight embrace,

but he forced himself to stay put—for now—waiting for the right moment.

Dinner tonight… maybe that would be his chance.

Tonnam could only reflect silently,

“Maybe Phupha was right… I am lying to myself.”

He finally realized something he had never been willing to admit before.

He truly had feelings for Phat.

Tonnam always told himself that it was just the bond of childhood friendship, nothing more.

But in truth, it wasn’t. And the feelings he had for Phat now were definitely more than just friendship.

"Pat... now I know my own heart. I will never let you go again,"

Tonnam whispered softly to himself.

Phupha, Asara, and Tonnam sat together at a bar.

Phupha looked at his close friend with concern, his eyes clouded with worry.

A long sigh escaped him, heavy with unease.

“Sigh…”

"So how is it, young tiger? Tell me what’s going on," Phupha asked with care.

"Phat won’t give me a chance to get close to him, Phupha. What should I do? I don’t want to rush or mess this up. It’s clear Pat’s ignoring me," Tonnam said weakly, sounding like he was losing hope.

"Tonight we’re going to dinner together. I’ll find the right moment for you. But don’t screw it up—this might be your only chance, I’m warning you,"

Phupha said, reassuring Tonnam while planning with Asara on how to help the two reconcile at last.

"I just realized how much I like Phat. Before, I thought maybe it was just childhood attachment. But now, seeing him ignore me hurts so much. I want to walk up and hold him tight. I miss him when I can’t see him. I feel jealous when other alphas get close to him,"

Tonnam rambled to Phupha like a confused, troubled soul.

Asara blinked his eyes attentively while listening to the conversation from the bar table.

Phupha glanced at Asara, reached out, and gently cupped his cheek before leaning down to kiss his soft lips.

"Smooch."

Mmm…

"You smell so good! You look beautiful tonight, Asara. Shall we go?"

Phupha said softly.

"Just waiting for Nong Sa and Phat for a moment,"

Asara replied with a sweet smile.

“Don’t smile like that, Asara. You’re driving me crazy. I’m about to lose my mind. You know I really love you, right? Or is that smile an invitation for another round after dinner?”

Phupha whispered softly into Asara’s ear, then kissed his cheek gently.

“Mmm… other people are watching, Phupha. Don’t tease me like that,”

Asara’s face turned as red as a ripe tomato as he lowered his gaze shyly.

“Hey, young master Phupha, don’t you feel embarrassed? Showing off your sweet side right in front of me—makes me even more heartbroken,”

Tonnam muttered under his breath.

Everyone sat together at the bar, except Pat, who was still getting ready.

Thirty minutes later,

Tonnam saw Pat approaching from afar.

The alphas in the venue all turned to look, their eyes following him.

Tonnam sat at the bar counter, watching Pat with a mixture of displeasure at the way those alphas were looking at him with the same hungry gaze.

Pat wore a cream-colored tuxedo that suited his delicate and sweet appearance perfectly.

Tonnam was left speechless by the radiance of the small figure walking towards him.

Pat’s slender face was delicate and graceful, his pink lips softly tinted, his fair skin flawless and pristine, his slim waist and petite frame looked so tender and cherished.

Pat sat down beside Tonnam and ordered a drink.

“One margarita, please,” Pat said to the handsome alpha bartender.

“Tonnam! Tonnam!”

Tonnam, lost in thought, was startled by a friend calling out.

“Pat looks amazing in that outfit,” Tonnam said with a sweet smile as he complimented him.

After sitting and drinking at the bar for a while, Asara spoke up to invite everyone to the reserved restaurant.

“Let’s go, it’s almost time for our reservation,” Asara urged.

Everyone walked over to the car waiting outside, which Johnny had parked ready in front of the bar.

Phupha gestured for Nong Sa to get in first so they could head out.

In the innermost seat were Sis Nan, the caretaker, followed by Phat and Tonnam in the next row. Asara and Phupha sat in the row behind the driver.

The luxury van slowly pulled away from the bar, heading toward the upscale restaurant where they had reserved a table for seven.

Soon enough, they arrived at the restaurant. Their reserved table was outside, offering a romantic atmosphere accompanied by a live jazz string quartet playing melodious tunes.

“Welcome back, Khun Asara! It’s been a while since we last saw you,” the hostess greeted them warmly.

“Hello, I’ve been caught up with classes, so I haven’t had much chance to come by,” Asara replied casually.

“Today, we’ve set you up at your usual table. Please follow me,” the hostess said, leading Asara and his friends to their favorite corner table — the one he and his family often sat at.

Asara and Phu sat on the right side of the table, directly opposite Tonnam and Phat.

Nong Sa sat next to Asara, with P’Nan opposite P’Johny.

Tonight’s meal was a special five-course set menu curated by the head chef, with each course paired perfectly with a glass of wine.

Everyone was excited as the special dishes were served. This set was specially crafted by the restaurant’s head chef for tonight only.

The appetizer arrived first, accompanied by a small glass of sparkling wine — thinly sliced fresh scallops with miso-yuzu sauce.

The freshness of the scallops combined with the crisp wine created a wonderfully refreshing start.

Other dishes followed, course by course, until the last one: lemon mousse paired with a sweet Moscato wine.

Each course and wine pairing complemented each other perfectly, while the smooth jazz music enhanced the dining atmosphere beautifully.

The special dinner came to an end.

Phat, who didn’t usually drink much alcohol, appeared noticeably off to Tonnam.

“Phat, are you okay?” Tonnam asked with concern.

“I’m fine, still feeling good,” Pat replied hesitantly, his slurred voice hinting at the effects of the alcohol.

“Brother Johny, please take Nong Sa and Sis Nan home first. Then come back to pick me and the others up at midnight,” Asara instructed the driver.

Brother Johny drove Nong Sa and SisNan home. The remaining four then continued drinking at a private corner table in the restaurant’s bar, where curtains could be drawn for privacy.

Champagne was already opened on the table, and the luxurious bar atmosphere perfectly set the mood for a very special night…

*****

TBC

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