Chapter 1: The Memory

It all started on a rainy weekend day. It was the 20th of September, a date that brought back some memories I wanted to forget. I went to the bar I usually go to, but this time I felt it again... the nostalgic and lonely sensation I've been trying to escape.

Here it comes again... That feeling — that feeling of depression, of emptiness. I used to come to this bar with the two people I loved most.

Naro was my childhood best friend. He was like my brother, I loved him like he was blood from my blood. We first met when we were 10 years old, we were in year 6. We became closer with each day we spent together, we were inseparable. We were each other’s safe place, adviser, secret keeper, supporter... He was the person that felt truly close to me, I felt like he actually cared. We knew everything about each other as we grew up. Both of us were “in the closet.”

With time, I realized that I was bisexual. Women weren’t the only ones that made me feel something... It felt strange... strangely right.

My first relationship was with a girl. It was 3 years long, we were happy together and we got along quite well, but she had to move to another country with her family, so we decided to stop dating. After that, I didn’t date anyone for a while — all that time still being in the closet with only one person knowing: Naro.

Naro, on the other hand, was gay. But he had always dated women. He never felt any particular attraction towards women, but he dated them because he didn’t want people to think he was gay. His relationships always ended shortly. The girls he used to date always felt neglected. They didn’t feel loved or like they truly connected together, so they slowly realized the feelings weren’t actually mutual — so in the end, they always broke up.

So this whole time, he just pretended to be interested in women, sleep with them, have relationships with them, while he never actually felt truly fulfilled and happy in his relationships.

Despite that, he still continued being in the closet. He was too afraid of being judged. He didn’t want his family and the other people around him to change their opinions about him, so he remained silent.

Years went by as we grew up together. We had the same passions, so being close to each other was never a problem. We went to the same school, same college and same university.

Sadly, our relationship drastically changed after we got through university...

In our first year of university, we met Isaro... He was the most eye-catching person I’ve ever met at the time. He was beautiful and smart... I felt mesmerized by him, it almost felt like love at first sight. He was friendly and easy-going, he was sweet and had a captivating personality. He was openly bisexual and he was never afraid to say that he loved both.

He was creative and passionate — everything he did was made with full interest, and I’ve always appreciated and loved that about him. He was such a captivating and wonderful person, no wonder everyone liked him... me included. I’ve never felt that way about anyone. My heart used to start beating faster around him. I used to get butterflies in my stomach when he talked to me.

In time, me and Naro got close to him, and we all started to hang around. We became close friends, and with time my relationship with Isaro got even closer. After a while, I told him that I was bisexual, and that’s when he let out something that sounded like a relieved exhale and told me that he liked me, that he wanted me to be his boyfriend. And since that day, we started dating. It was going wonderful. I truly felt happy, and everything was going just... perfectly.

One year later, Naro told me that he trusted Isaro enough to tell him that he was gay... so he did. He was fine with the thought of him being gay, of course. Then we went on normally... except a few small things in their actions.

Naro started jokingly saying, “Alright, lover birds! We get it. I’m really gonna throw up if you carry on with so much sweetness,” when me and Isaro got close, when we hugged, kissed... which was weird because he never said things like that before.

Naro started acting a bit weird... but I never actually thought something was going on.

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