Episode 4

One drink after another, the bitter taste of what I was consuming only signaled that I wanted it and drank it, mixing all the drinks at once. I had only drunk once in my entire life, and that was on my wedding day when I got drunk on a glass of wine, but now I felt that the alcohol had no effect on me. I just wanted to erase from my mind what had happened, what had transpired. I looked around and saw everyone having fun. It had been years since I last danced; since I got married, I had isolated myself from everyone and everything. I put aside my interests in favor of what he wanted, neglecting what I felt. I took off my shoes, let my hair down, and discarded my sweater. I danced and danced near the bar, with my eyes closed, reliving the scenes in my head of my husband with other women. And why not do the same? He had the nerve to betray me, so why shouldn’t I? I took one last drink to muster courage, but the bartender wouldn’t let me leave without paying for the drinks.

“Miss, I’m sorry, but I can’t let you go without paying,” he said, gripping my arm.

How could I forget that I didn’t have any cash on me? But I remembered I had the card that Lucas had given me one day.

I searched my bag for some money and found the card. “Can I pay with a card?” I asked, and then I had a thought. “Could you let me withdraw some cash, please?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I can do that, but what the hell, I’m the manager. I’ll do it just because I saw that you had a rough day,” he said, looking at me with sad eyes. Poor girl, it looked like she hadn’t had a good time today, he thought as I cried with so much pain.

The bartender charged me and, on top of that, gave me the money I requested. I put it in my bag and he asked me not to lose it, that it was a lot. He also offered to take me home or call a cab, but I declined; all I wanted was to avoid going home, something he didn’t know and wouldn’t understand.

I gathered my things and left the bar, a bit unsteady, slightly dizzy, and eager to find someone who could help me understand why Lucas had cheated, or to feel what he felt while doing it. I entered another bar where I saw women entering seductively. As I looked around, I was dazzled; the whole place was draped in red, the lights were warm, and the music was soft enough that I couldn’t quite make out the words. I watched as women took men by the hand and led them into rooms on the other side. So this place was a hotel? I turned to leave but then returned, searching for someone to spend the night with; it would only be for one night, and I wouldn’t see him again. I just wanted to clear my mind. And there he was, sitting on a couch with a glass of wine in his hand, legs crossed—the perfect gigolo.