Episode 4

Eleanor

My whole body ached, but I didn't regret it, there was no room for guilt, just a strange warmth in my chest, something between fear and freedom. I was lying in bed, covered only by a light sheet, the room still carried his scent, woody, warm, masculine, the place was silent, and I stared at the ceiling for a while, feeling my heartbeats calmer than they should have been, I closed my eyes and relived every touch. Every kiss, every word whispered in the dark.

I had done it, I had lost my virginity to a complete stranger and, incredibly, I wasn't sorry, I looked at the clock on the wall, almost six in the morning, panic hit my stomach, shit.

I jumped up, ignoring the pain between my legs, quickly put on the dress, tied my hair in the most decent way I could, and started looking for paper, pen, anything to leave a message, but what?

"Thanks for the night"?

"Sorry for running away"?

"Sincerely, the drunken virgin from the nightclub"?

I sighed, I didn't even know his name and he didn't know mine either, it was better that way, I looked one last time at the unmade bed, hesitated for a second and left. The sky was still dark, but the streets began to come to life, I ran back to the hotel, almost tripping over my own feet, fortunately, no one saw me, no one stopped me and no one shared the room with me, I entered, locked the door and leaned against it, panting.

"I did it..." I whispered to myself.

I went to the bathroom and took a shower, the hot water made my body ache even more, when I looked in the mirror, my eyes widened.

My body was covered in marks, bites, scratches, marks from fingers squeezing my fair skin, a bite on the inside of my thigh.

My cheeks burned with shame and pride

but soon reality hit me, I needed to hide all this, if anyone noticed anything different, I would be in trouble, a lot of trouble, fortunately, my neck was intact, only my lips were a little swollen and my face looked worn, luckily, they would give the excuse of tiredness.

Then came the hangover.

The world spun, my stomach turned and I ran to the toilet, vomiting everything my body rejected, after that, I dragged myself to bed, lay down wrapped in the towel and slept for a few minutes or hours, I'm not sure.

Until the knock on the door woke me up.

I touched my hot face and ran to answer.

"Eleanor?" it was the youth group leader, with a furrowed brow "Are you okay? You didn't show up in the hall for the church service departure."

I opened the door only a little, letting him see my pale face, swollen eyes, still wet hair.

"I think I ate something bad, yesterday, I have food poisoning, really bad."

He widened his eyes.

"Wow, you look awful."

"I know. I'm going to rest all day, I promise."

He nodded, a little embarrassed.

"If you need anything, let us know, okay? I'll leave the group's program on the door."

"Thanks..."

I closed the door and slid to the floor, taking a deep breath, I barely escaped and that's how I spent the rest of the trip locked up, alone, recovering, trying to gather the pieces of the girl I was before that night and realizing that she no longer existed.

The trip back was a relief and a torment, I sat by the bus window, with headphones on, trying to ignore everything and everyone. I still felt sensitive, sore, tired, as if I had lived ten lives in two days, not only physically, but emotionally as well, everything had changed and I had changed and then he appeared.

Caleb

He sat next to me as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't been caught kissing my best friend, as if he wasn't the perfect representation of everything that suffocated me, he tried to take my hand, my stomach turned, I pulled away abruptly, almost disgusted.

"Don't touch me."

He looked at me, surprised, and then narrowed his eyes.

"You're different."

I turned my face to the window, trying to concentrate on the trees passing by quickly, on the posts, on the sky.

"No one really knows people" I murmured.

He came too close, enough for his smell to disgust me and then he whispered in my ear, low, threatening:

"I know you weren't in your room that night."

I turned slowly and stared at him, my heart raced but I kept my face calm.

"What do you mean?"

He smiled, one of those smug smiles that made me want to scream.

"I knocked on the door, I think it was around three in the morning. I wanted to see you. You didn't answer so... I went in and the room was empty."

I was silent for a moment, then, I feigned nonchalance:

"And what were you doing in my room at three in the morning?"

He shrugged.

"I just missed you."

He paused.

"But tell me the truth, Eleanor. I can, if I want, ask for a virginity certificate before the wedding, you know what that would cause, right? A scandal like that."

He looked at me with superiority.

Ah, old Caleb thinking he controlled me with guilt and shame. I rested my elbows on my knees, interlaced my fingers, and stared him in the eyes.

"Ask for it, if you want. Make all the scandal you want. If it's proven that I'm still a virgin, you're going to kneel and apologize publicly."

He paled, but I didn't finish.

"Only you won't need to."

I smiled ironically.

"Because I'm never going to marry you."

"What?"

"I saw it, Caleb, you and Amanda, that tongue down her throat, it opened my eyes."

He went livid.

"Eleanor, I can explain..."

"No need. I've seen everything I needed to."

I took a deep breath and said firmly:

"That night, I wasn't in the room because I was praying in the temple next to the hotel. Asking God for advice on what to do with my life."

I tilted my head.

"And He answered."

"You can't call off the wedding now. It's going to be a scandal!"

"Problem for those who love scandals. I don't live by the opinions of others."

"It will be a shame for your parents!"

"The same parents who taught me not to marry a liar?"

I looked him straight in the eyes.

"I'm not going into a failed marriage with a failed man."

He looked breathless. Pale. Devastated.

"You..."

"If I were you, Caleb, I'd control that little mouth of yours."

I leaned in slowly, just like he had done before.

"Because if you make me your enemy, I swear to God I'll tell the whole city about every betrayal of yours. From the first hidden kiss with Amanda to the shameful things you must have already done."

He didn't know, but the days I spent locked in the room I had time to think and gather evidence, I had Amanda's social media passwords because we were best friends and she knew I didn't mess with her things, but this time I did and I found intimate videos of the two of them, photos of them naked, smoking and drinking, I transferred everything to my cell phone and I would use that as evidence if necessary.

He swallowed hard, I leaned back in the seat, victorious, at that moment, I knew: I was no longer the same scared girl, I had faced the devil and won.

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