LAST DAY OF MY LiFE!

Warning: You might feel uncomfortable if you are pretty emotional. Talking about death, suicide and depression can not be taken positive most times, so I wish to tell you people if you do not want to read about such things, please skip this chap rn❗

First of all, let me tell you guys, I've had suicidal thoughts many times (thought it would relate coz we know when we suicide that's our last day), but recently a wise friend told me 'the one above will never let us go through what we can't endure.' I don't believe that there is someone up above but this statement gives me so much courage, I don't know why, but it does. It made me believe that yes I can go through whatever it is, if I wish and will to.

Well suicide and suicidal thoughts are another topic for another day!

So let's get to the main questions raised about this fabulous topic 'Last Day of My Life'...

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Q- Will you enjoy or will you cry?

A- When I thought about this question and I couldn't find an answer, I thought to myself 'What should I choose?🤪'.....If I choose to enjoy and ignore whatever my father says (cause he will always have something on his mind, which he thinks I should do for my better future, and he will always keep telling me to do just that), he would be devastated that he wasn't there with me, and was stopping me from doing what I wanted.....And if I choose to cry, it would be just me, crying inside a closed room, all to myself.

But neither of these is what I would really do...My sister was sitting beside me and I asked her 'According to my personality, what do you think I will do if I somehow knew that it was the last day of my being? Will I enjoy or will I cry?'

As soon as I raised my question, realisation hit me and I knew the answer which was exactly what my sister said the next moment, 'BOTH!'

Reason that I know that this answer is absolutely correct is, I know what type of psycho I am...

One. When I hear something which is actually sad for me but the thing is genuinely hilarious, I would do nothing (which actually is the neutral of negative and positive reactions, Superposition principle if you know what I mean) I would go into a daze, amusement visible in my eyes. Example, my maternal grandma who has too many health issues and has already gone critical two times because of falling clumsily, had done the same this time, we were told that her foot got stuck at the corner of her bed and after falling down she had rolled like a ball all the way to the end of the room. This was saddening and kind of funny at the same time, and my reaction was that amused daze😶.

Two. Whenever I cry, I cover my face with my hands and few seconds later when I remove them I am found giggling with my eyes still watery and blurry.

Three. There was a period in last two years (writing this I had a sudden urge to hug and so I pulled my sister into a long hug without any apparent reason.She wasn't surprised or questioning cause I do that often 😅😁) when my friends would suddenly find my tears flowing down while I would be laughing hard and within seconds I would turn into a crying mess.(but still smiling my beautiful sad smile😂)

So that is how I know that my last day (if I knew it was) would be a cluster of a whole lot of emotions and I would be smiling sheepishly while dust getting into my eyes from time to time...

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Q- Will there be any regrets or guilt?

A- For now, there'll only be one regret, which I will not allow to go with myself to the underworld (and then I would come back for him and start haunting him😂😂). On the last day I will find out where Mr.Disodia is by any means and go there and kiss him like there's no tomorrow (well that might deem true) and I wouldn't give a damn! about whoever he would be dating then. DEAL WITH ME!

Well, I've always imagined how I would feel if my family members or friends left me, but never have I seriously contemplated what their reaction might be and now that I think about it, I feel too guilty that the reason would be me and I would not even be there for them. 😓

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Q- How can you explain this to your family? That tomorrow they'll not be seeing your smiling face?!

A- It's simple cause am not the one who'd sit and explain and could simply put out in words directly from my mouth to their ears...

I would write a beautiful melodramatic letter telling them what I'd felt that last day ...Am the person from the old ages when letters used to be posted with postal stamps...irony is that all of my friends (even my best friend's little brother) would tell me that I have a two year old kid's brain inside this thick skull 💀

Well that was it for this part...if you feel like there is any other questions related to this topic lingering in your minds feel free to comment or text personally!

The person who gave me this topic is someone who says it's their inner fear...I have nothing to console them about this matter just good luck! stay strong! and you know you love those who you're going to lose after dying and they know you love them so there's nothing to regret! nothing to fear!

Thank you all and be sure to tell me if you got something on your mind!💜

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