Re-birth

The idea of re-birth is fascinating. It is amazing that you have a chance to go through all the experiences in life once again. But does this happen? Is it just a mere fantasy? But here she is, still the size of a baby. If she was not reborn than why was she back to the past? Only time-travel & rebirth could explain what was happening. She could now undo all of the mistakes she had done in her previous life by choosing other options.

This time she decided she won't leave her grandma's side & try her best to stay with her for as long as possible. And give up the opportunity to study abroad because in her previous life, her grandpa passed away while she was abroad & busy preparing for her exams. She would choose a good path for herself & no longer restrain her desire to pursue art.

She knew she wouldn't be able to fulfill everything, the way she wanted but she wished that this time she could make amends for her ignorance. This time round she could make herself a better person & avoid those friends of hers who led her astray. She now decides she will stand up for herself when someone wrongs her. She must become stronger & confident to be able to take her mom away from trouble & all sorts of burden. She knew this was her chance to redeem the past.

In the past, she was selfish & self- indulgent drowning in her own sorrows which led her into leaving her mother behind in that abusive household. Everyone told her she was selfish for choosing to leave on her own without her mother, but she thought she was right. Because she stayed on for more than two decades just for the sake of her mother. But thinking back she seemed to have left out something, that was that she wasn't the only child. She had siblings, of whom she knew nothing much, her mother had stayed on for thier sake, while she didn't.

This time she swore she would choose better, think her decisions thoroughly & make up for her previous regrets.

But, life doesn't give second chances does it? She watches on helplessly as the history repeats itself. Unable to control it she loses her sanity. Her grandma dies, her grandpa also dies just as in the past. She became more insane day by day. People around her thought the grief of losing two of her close kins must've gotten to her, saying 'Time will heal everything'.

But does it?

Someday she drags her body to leave the bed, and live another day assuring herself 'it would be okay'. Numbing herself to loud music on her wired headphones. Cutting papers, as slitting herself would be painful and she was a coward. Struggling to fall asleep past midnight, waiting for dawn, hoping she could lose her breath silently and without anyone noticing. To her, another dawn meant another day of putting on a false facade of happiness. Dreading the coming of another day, the world she had so loved had now become a weary place for her.

Only she and her diary knew what's going on as she wrote night after night : Will someone get me out of here please. Gotta get out of here soon.If I continue my stay here I might rot to death. Someone take pity on me. Mom, looks like I'll die ahead of you... at this rate. That's good too... I don't have to mourn anyone.You're the last person I care about in this world. But you have your own dear ones.

During the day, she's a jovial person laughing about like a normal happy person. The same happy person with friends, numbing herself with the daily silliness of life. At dark, her mood blends with the night, breaking down as the false mask falls off as soon as she's within the safe space of her room.

Her mother had been so busy with her own life, and her daughter had been so strong. She hadn't noticed she had drastically changed. Moreover, she had been so good at keeping up appearances. She barely seemed abnormal.

Had she? Only she knew she hadn't picked up a book for years...books she had loved, stayed up overnight to finish it, books that she had lined up for hours to get, books that mattered so much she spent all her yearly savings on it. Never touched her easel or paints for more than five years...the thing that, made her feel alive. Nor had she traveled for so long the thing that, kept her happy for days on end.

Years went by as she held onto the slight fear of slitting her wrist. But then came the breaking point, she could no longer handle it. One can only hold onto nothing for so long ain't it?

That was the end of her sleepless nights, restless days, mental hurdles and physical struggle.

The end.

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***