Chapter 4- The Guild’s wild Reaction

We returned to the guild with a flaming feather, a moody rogue, and a prince who insisted on being carried halfway home.

The receptionist blinked. “You cleared the entire dungeon?”

“Yup,” I said proudly. “Also, the chicken boss exploded. Sorry if the woods smell like KFC.”

[Achievement Unlocked!]

First Dungeon Cleared (With Unreasonable Chaos)

Reward: 100 Gold, Title Upgrade, and… a Coupon?

I checked my inventory.

[Item: Random Magical Coupon – Use to summon something useless, helpful, or emotionally damaging.]

Luna peeked over my shoulder. “That’s gonna cause problems.”

“I hope it’s a dragon with anxiety.”

——

Part 8: The Coupon of Chaos

__________

Back at the inn, I stared at the [Random Magical Coupon] sitting in my inventory.

Luna raised an eyebrow. “You really gonna use it?”

“Come on, Luna. When has a mystery magical item ever gone wrong?”

She stared blankly. “You got slapped by a slime three times yesterday.”

“…Fair.”

Still, I held it up.

[USE COUPON?]

[Warning: Effects may be dumb. Or cursed. Or both.]

“Yes.”

[Summoning…]

[Congratulations! You have summoned: Bloop.]

“What the hell is a Bloo—”

With a puff of glitter smoke, a tiny blue blob with googly eyes and bat wings appeared in mid-air.

It screamed, “I AM BLOOP, DESTROYER OF SNACKS!”

Luna blinked. “It talks.”

Bloop flapped once and crashed into my face.

[Bloop has decided you are its dad now.]

[New Companion: Bloop the Problem.]

______

Part 9: A Message From the Gods (Unfortunately)

_____

That night, as I tried to sleep with Bloop snoring on my forehead, a glowing portal appeared in the ceiling.

“NOPE,” I said, already pulling my blanket up.

Too late.

A divine voice echoed, dramatic and echoey like someone was yelling into a fancy toilet bowl.

“AVAN, CHOSEN OF FATE, YOU HAVE ATTRACTED THE ATTENTION OF THE CELESTIALS!”

“Oh no.”

[Congratulations! You’ve unlocked: Divine Quest: Survive the Celestial Drama.]

The voice continued, “YOU MUST NOW PROVE YOUR WORTH BY…”

There was a pause.

“…baking a cake?”

[Quest Objective: Bake a cake of such divine beauty it brings tears to angels.]

I sat up. “So I’m being judged by the gods on my baking skills?!”

Luna poked her head in. “You can’t even boil water.”

Bloop farted in agreement.

——

Part 10: Baking Under Pressure (Literally)

—-

We borrowed the inn kitchen, and I tried my best.

Flour flew everywhere. Eggs were thrown. Something caught fire. I don’t know how, I was mixing sugar.

Luna reluctantly helped. “You’re lucky I used to bake poison muffins in assassin school.”

“Thank you for this cursed information.”

[Skill Acquired: Chaotic Baking Lv. 1]

[Avan has created: Cake of Slightly Questionable Taste]

The glowing portal above us blinked once. A golden spoon descended and took a bite.

Silence.

Then…

[The Celestials have decided… it’s not bad.]

[Divine Quest: Complete.]

[Reward: Box of Random God Trash.]

I opened it.

Inside: a glowing sock, a single feather, and a scroll that said “You Tried.”

I’ve never felt more validated and insulted at once.

——

(poor him anyways guy do comment, like and subscribe and vote as well)

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