"Words"

Niel

Fck. I'm kissing Harry right now. It feels right but I know it feels not right. This is my first kiss with Harry, I don't know what to expect. I'm probably stiff right now, but i can feel that his lips are soft and he smells a mixture of cigarette and cologne and I already love his smell. His body is toned, he feels rock hard and i know that he has abs, with the way his body felt with mine, i can say that he totally was changed to a fine man.

And what am i even doing right now? I don't know how to kiss, but I kissed him! He's not responding but he's not doing anything to stop me. Why? And what is Zack doing? Is he angry that I'm kissing his boyfriend?

I heard a loud noise, I think Zack left already, I'm still thinking about how Harry's lips felt with mine when I decided to open my eyes just to see his eyes are staring right back at me. His eyes that lack of color, I remember our position and that's when I felt ashamed so I get off his body and turned to the door to get out of the mess. My hands were already holding the knob when he speaks.

"Where do you think you're going?" his voice is normal, I don't know if he's angry or what.

"I'm going home." I just said, I turned the knob but he spoke too soon.

"You kissed me in front of my boyfriend that will surely make a problem and then you go away? Typical Niel, that's where you're good at, in running away...Just go!" he shouted the last words. I closed the door again and turned to look at him, it was his turn now to look away.

"What do you mean? I ran away from what?" I asked taking steps closer to him.

There was silence. I can still hear the music blaring from outside but at least Zack went away now and we are just two talking.

"Go home now Niel. There's nothing left from you here. You should not come back here anymore, and don't look for me," he said with an authoritative voice.

What? He totally stopped me a while ago from going outside, and now he wants me to go away? This Harry is so complicated, I don't know but I want to spend more time with him but I'm afraid I'm going to do stupid things that will make him angry to me and want me to go away.

"What are you thinking?" he asked suddenly, he's looking at me right now, I feel tense for a while but I manage to answer him.

"I just don't know how to act around you, you feel different from the Harry that I know of"

"It's been years since you left me Niel. I learned a lot of things, met people, met Zack and do some sht all the time, it makes me feel good. When you left I know I can't live with the way I am, so I change myself for the better."

I stayed silent.

"Some people don't like the way I turned into, some are amazed by what I turned into; you know what, I feel happy when I'm with you Niel, but I felt better when you're not around. So why come back? I'm feeling great here, enjoying my life, while you are doing sht knows abroad. Don't you think it's rude that you come back and return to my life and just expect that I'm still the old Harry you know?"

I can feel the hatred in his voice, I know that he's still there somewhere, I know, I can feel it. But I don't know what to do so that he can come out with what he is right now.

"Harry, I don't want to make excuses. I know that I left you, but I never forget the things we shared together. I never forget your smile, your laughs, your face, they are always in my head, and I know someday that I will come back so that we can be together again...I know I didn't expect this attitude coming from you, you've changed I can see. But please can you give me a chance to be with you again?" I hope he says yes. I miss him so much.

Silence, I really hate it when it comes silent between us. I remember we always laugh and we always talk, there's no time that we became silent towards each other. I feel terrible.

"I can't Niel. You should go now. Don't come back"

Tears were starting to form in my eyes and I know that I needed to leave there before they fell and I don't want Harry to see that. I walked out from his room without saying anything because I know that I will crack up when I talk. I manage to get out the club without bumping to somebody, and when I was out, tears are already running my cheeks.

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