Aesthetic Pain

Ep 1

Episode 1

"If you're not that pretty, just edit it. It's not that deep."

That's my life motto. My name's Rena. Nothing special, really. My nose isn't sharp, my skin isn't fair, and I'm not that tall either. But if you looked at my Instagram, you'd probably think I’m the school’s mini-celebrity. The feed is super neat, filters are aesthetic, and everyone thinks I live this exciting life. But actually...

“Ren, go buy two fried tofu, okay,” Mom's voice from the kitchen slips into my room. I’m lying down holding my phone.

“Yeah, Ma, just a sec!”

I opened my IG story. I’d just posted a boba drink I bought last week—I saved it as backup content. Truth is, today I only drank sweet tea from a thermos.

My life? Simple. Sometimes I eat nothing but tempeh. But on social media? Different story.

I like being that ‘other version’ of me. The prettier one, cooler, more... likable.

Every evening before Maghrib, I sit on the second floor of my house, by the window. That golden sunlight is the best lighting for selfies. I know my best angles, which filters make my skin glow. It’s all like a routine by now.

Friends at school often say, “Rena, your feed looks so good,” or “Your face is so smooth on your story. What skincare do you use?”

I just smile. Saying “It’s Snapseed and Lightroom” doesn’t sound cool.

In real life, I don’t have many friends. I’m not like those who hang out every weekend or have big, noisy squads. I’m more comfortable alone—or maybe just with Lala, my only friend who doesn’t even have an Instagram account.

“You’re editing photos again, huh?” Lala asked one day during lunch break.

I gave a small smile and closed my phone screen. “Just tidying up my feed.”

“You’re pretty, Ren. You don’t need to keep doing that.”

I only nodded, though I didn’t believe it. Because I know, if I post an unedited photo, no one would like it.

One night, I was scrolling through IG’s explore page. Tons of handsome guys flashing by. But I wasn’t interested. They all looked... fake. Until I found this one account.

@dark.boy.__

Only 3 photos. But the captions hit different. Not the usual guy flexing abs or bikes.

“Sometimes, the ones who look the happiest... are the emptiest inside.”

I don’t know why, but I got curious. My account isn’t private, and I noticed he viewed my story after I viewed his.

That night, the first DM came.

dark.boy.__: “You look happy all the time. But your eyes seem like they’re holding something.”

My heart skipped a beat.

That was the beginning.

But not really. This was just the start. Because I didn’t know who he was yet. I didn’t know my life was about to change after that.

What I did know was that, that night, I smiled at my screen.

Even though just a few hours before, I cried because I felt... so empty.

And no one knew.