dear diary

Dear diary.

Can you keep a Secret? Secret I've held on secrets that keep eating me up, can you keep secrets? I know you can that is why I feel so lucky to have found you my safe heaven...

When I was much younger was always good at sitting quietly and observing Always reading too much into everything slow to process, very sensitive, too slow at almost everything, weird, unusual, so different.

I thought to myself everyone is just like me moreover was satisfied with my own company i created my own world, my own tiny space I rather choose to be alone than to engage with anyone rather talk to my imaginary friends than to be stuck with crowd full of people that was a safe place a world only I know, it was my safe heaven.

The only one that ever saw little glimpse of me was family indeed they were the closest they were the most disappointed.

When did it all start I do not know one thing that is for sure, it has been this way since all I remember living feels,, so visual. Everything feels so stagnant so suffocating It feels like a bird in a cage.

Living was a mess yet unavoidable for the fear of what comes after life was greater. who knows what await after life?

Quick to give up, stubborn to quit, always the crybaby always the odd one out of rest.

Pain(broken wing's)

my hands tide together with Shame

my wandering soul just like a shadow with

little emotions emptiness is all that I feel.

my legs tired but I ran and ran without a stop

Nothing can bring back the bright smile?

Even hanging on the edge of dreams feels heavy what matters now is how well I can hide behind the dark.

Dream (my dreams)

dream says a lot about you

Dream reflects on what's to come

When I sleep my dreams so real when I wake all so blurry, so confusing…

Pain(broken wings)

I walk in the middle of men

I am the ant they step on

My floor heavy the memories stuck on me like a label.

is there a way out?

I'm that girl they envy? Why? I do not know

I'm that daughter who can't do anything right

I'm that stupid sister who knows nothing

I'm that girlfriend who seems too selfish

No one understands, no one brother to care why I decided to shut myself up how it turns like this.

pain

My wandering soul my body needs rest however my soul is no longer mine alone for I've given in to pain.

How can I erase all my memories? How can I forget things I don't wanna recall? Can I pretend everything is alright when I hate everything.! A world where you feel trapped how do you escape reality?

my way of escaping was usual, a go to every human think of, hide, run in a box I hide myself thinking that's for the best I spent my day reliving same thing so suffocating, my mind program to keep reliving the experiences, feeling the same emotions the more I dive into dark the less of a human I become it felt so hard to breathe, self fashioned hell on earth. A greater cause t time couldn't heal i realized what have I done? it's worst being in the dark nothing seems right when one is in the dark, you spend all your days feeling empty, looking miserable, feeling ungrateful, wanting to disappear; nothing worth fighting for everything seems off you beg for death but it never knock on the door. you beg for it to stop but never find no end to it that's what walking in the dark feels like; a chase after the winds a worthless way of living, a choice only you allow. A fault all on you.

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