CHAPTER ONE- SAFETY

Chine could vaguely remember the screams that echoed through the halls of their home. One full of hatred, anger, and disgust. The other of pleading, desperation, and despair.

It was a norm in her life to hear her parents screaming at each other at the top of their lungs, causing chaos in the mansion, and if the words didn't hurt enough, they'd resort to even breaking some furniture.

It was a pain she couldn't fathom, and she wished to not know that pain.

'He probably got caught by mother again.'

That was the only thought that ran in her head as she listened to their argument with an expressionless face.

Listened to every curse, insult, and accusation from her mother. And how her father tried to play it off, begging on his knees with his bleeding hands from the shards of the broken vase, clutching tightly on the hem of the expensive silken dress that she once loved as it was a gift from him.

Now ruined by the truth she's always forced to face about her own husband. A truth that she wished she had never known. 

She knew it was unhealthy to actually get used to your parents arguing but that's how her life came to be. And that's how she lived by it.

That's how she survived. 

The young little her who once used to quiver and cry at the sounds of their quarrel had long died, buried deep in the past of the dark corridors she hid in. 

Chine doesn't even know why they stay married together; her father cheats all the time with younger women, and her mother is destructive whenever she gets a gist of it. The woman who likes control, can't even keep her own husband to herself. 

Her parents' marriage is like a fragile tapestry woven from frayed threads, each stitch a reluctant commitment. Beneath its delicate surface, the colors bleed together—a father’s betrayal staining the fabric with whispers of infidelity, while a mother’s fury unravels the seams, her destructive storms threatening to tear apart the very threads that hold it all together. In this intricate yet precarious creation, no one quite knows why the design persists, clinging to existence despite the unraveling chaos.

It was a toxic poison that was affecting everyone in the house. All her older siblings had cut contact as soon as they could, and her younger siblings had been taken in by her aunts and uncles. 

Why did she stay... She doesn't know as well. She could've come with them. China has every chance to, every opportunity to leave and never look back, but she didn't. Maybe she's as broken as her parents are. That whenever her mother went to her room and cried about her father's betrayal, an invisible thread of obligation just freezes her to stay. 

But there are also times she'd see her father holding her mother so tenderly, eyes wet with tears as he whispers temporary promises that'll continue their facade. 

How he'd hold her so tightly as tears flowed down his face, caressing her skin as he made vows of reassurance.

Her mother, being too tired to do or say anything, just accepted it, lulling them back to their haven made of lies. The temporary peace and quiet that there would be until the same thing happens again. 

Their unhealthy attachment affects her. Their perception of love is so twisted Chine wonders if it is love. Their display had weaved itself into her mind, burying the idea of betrayal and endless forgiveness as a portrayal of love.

And then she came to hate it. 

To despise the idea of love. 

Of falling in love... 

Of being someone who'll receive the end of love.

꧁❀❀❀❀꧂

"Hey Chi, you alright?"

A familiar voice asked beside her, snapping her out of her thoughts as she turned to look at the source of the sweet song lulling her in. 

His voice was a gentle breeze, whispering through a field of wildflowers, drawing her gaze just like how the sunflowers always face the direction of the sun. 

"I'm fine, Lu, don't worry about me." Her voice was soft as she said her reply, straightening her posture as they sat on the bench, looking at their classmates who were still doing the physical activity their teacher prepared.

But Lucius, honed by the years he knew her, could see through the stoic facade she wore. That even if she's looking at their classmates right now, her mind is not present. Probably wondering about everything except this exercise that they're doing currently. 

He's well aware of how messed up her home life is, having seen some of its instances on his regular visits to her house. Knowing this, he heaved a heavy sigh as he held her hand, getting her attention. 

"Let's go."

Chine tilted her head in confusion, now wondering what he had in mind this time. 

"Where to?"

He smiled, his golden eyes meeting her ocean-blue ones. 

"Cafeteria, I'm hungry. And don't worry your pretty little head about it, today's treat is on me this time."

And with that, any attempt of protest died in her throat. 

꧁❀❀❀❀꧂

And that's how Chine found herself at the dining hall with Lucius. Holding a tray of food and some refreshments. 

"Are you sure this is okay? Our period's still not over." Chine sighed as they sat down on one of the tables, her eyes lingering on his tray of food that seemed to be overflowing with sweets than it was filled with nutrients. 

"It's fine, look at the others as well, they're eating here, too." He said as he looked around. It was true; they were not the only ones eating there; some of their classmates who were already done with their activity decided to ditch the rest of the class as well and go there. 

And with that, Chine just decided to no longer complain. 

"You will actually eat all of that?"  The girl bluntly asked as she continued to eye over his meal, only receiving a playful grin. 

"Awww... You worry about me, Chi?" His eyes were full of mirth as they gazed against her blue ones. 

Chine shrugged, taking a sip of her drink as she let the question hang in the air. The occasional noises of the people around them made the atmosphere more casual than tense. 

"It would be a shame to let you die before we even pass our research." 

"Ah, straight to the point as usual."

He only chuckled as he scooped a spoonful of ice cream and pressed the treat against her lips. In her shock, she almost swatted the whole treat away. 

"Come on! I'm only giving you some! If you don't want it, no need to treat it like that!" He feigned offended by her action despite knowing he was at fault for just doing that out of nowhere. 

That statement just made Chine roll her eyes in annoyance. "That's because you just did that suddenly, who knows what you're trying to pull, you prankster."

"Well, I don't care. Now, open up and have some. This is delicious." He offered proudly, raising the spoon once again. 

The girl rolled her eyes before grabbing the spoon from his hand and feeding herself. 

"Hm... An actual ice cream." She hummed before handing the spoon back to Lucius. 

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what I mean."

Lucius, as adventurous as he can be, likes to make strange requests with his food. And apparently, even something as delightful as ice cream doesn't escape that trait. She still doesn't forgive him for the catastrophe of an ice cream he made her eat last time. Just the thought of it made her remember the clinging taste of bitterness on her tongue. 

They continued to eat their brunch slash early lunch. Talking about whatever comes to mind as they share their thoughts and feelings about things. 

Yes... 

She thought to herself as she glanced at the man she called her 'best friend.'

This is safe. 

꧁❀❀❀❀꧂

"Chiiiii!'' Lucius whines as he scurries behind her, carrying a pile of papers. A pout is present on his face as he tries to get her attention.

Meanwhile, Chine was wearing her reading glasses as she read through Lucius' handwritten essay that he was due today. A frown on her face as she skimmed through every sentence, pinching the bridge of her nose, the incoming headache sank in.

"You used AI again, didn't you?" Despite the question, the accusatory tone obvious in the tone of her voice was more than enough for Lucius to understand that she was not asking at all. She knew him too well... Too much. 

He knowing it was already useless to make up excuses at this point, nodded with his head bowed down, still carrying the pile of papers with him. "Yeah.... well- you have to understand! Literature is not my best subject! I suck at it!"

Chine only sighed because there was truth in his words. Her best friend sucks at writing, totally bad at an unbelievable level. Lucius pouted as if upset by the current turn of events. It was almost a miracle how he managed to survive this far. 

"Look, I know you strictly told me not to use any AI, but I'd fail the subject! Mrs. Guanzano was still mad with the disaster of a piece I made last week. Multiple spelling errors, wrong grammar placement, and just.... utter disaster."

The girl sighed, Lucius is known for many good things, but being a bad writer was also added in the mix of goods among the other bads. However, Chine found a semblance of comfort in his inability to make a proper piece without her help. In her mind, it already serves as a way to establish the idea that there is something. 

"And what do you want me to do about it? It's not my work so it's not my problem." Chine said as she folded the paper and put it in the bag that he was carrying, now walking side by side with him. 

That response made Lucius almost cry on the spot as he stopped in his tracks and looked at her. "No, you've got to help me! I already failed in the subject last time and if I fail again this time, I'll attend the summer classes!"

"What's so bad about it? It's not the worst way to spend your vacation."

Lucius visibly deflated at her words which made Chine chuckle a little. It's so fun to make fun of him. His expressive self makes it easier for her to commit everything to memory. Engraved with all the words she could never say as she stood on the same wavelength as him but also parallel with his path, always the same but never could meet. 

However, that is something that pride will never let her admit. But in the times when she is alone with her thoughts, she will allow herself to wonder.

Thoughts that go beyond the line of friendship and over to the line of romance. Chine could only imagine but she would never act on it. She could picture everything she would never have with Lucius because it's safer.

After all, she hates risks and would prefer the safety of their friendship over the thought of losing him for meddlesome feelings she had secretly harbored for him for eight years now.

"Fine, I'll help you." She said as she turned to him, taking off her reading glasses.

"Oh my god, Chine!"

With no warning whatsoever, he lunged himself at her, uncaring of the papers he was holding previously as he wrapped his arms around her. Enveloping Chine and making her look so small in his arms. It took a minute or two before it dawned on Chine what happened and she immediately tried to push him away.

Too much...

But she was not going anywhere as Lucius kept her caged in his arms with a huge smile on his face.

"God's, I could never live without you, Chine."

Chine stilled for a moment at his words and let it sink in, her cheeks painted with crimson that was fortunately not visible in his line of vision.

She felt safe in his arms... If she were any lesser of a woman, she might've already let herself hope for a chance, but she wouldn't. She's not like that. It's not safe, it's too risky.

Too... Dangerous.

"Stupid."

Chine murmured as she let herself savor the hug for a bit longer.

I'm the one who can't live without you.

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