Episode 15: "The Ultimate Test! (Or Ultimate Disaster?)"
Mission: Prove That the Training Worked! (Or Die Trying)
Kulastog wakes up feeling like a new man. His muscles ache, his face is still slightly swollen from training, and his ego has yet to recover from getting one-shotted by Rei multiple times…
But today is different.
Today, he finally puts his training to the test!
Kulastog: "Alright! I feel stronger! I feel faster! I feel—"
Rei: "—Like testing it on an actual monster?"
Kulastog: "...Wait, what?"
Rei: "There’s a rogue ogre terrorizing the village. Perfect test subject."
Kulastog: "...I was thinking maybe a practice dummy first?"
Rei: "Too late. I already signed you up."
Kulastog: "...You did what?" 😨
Rei: "You're welcome." 😏
👹 Enter: The Angry Ogre! (Why Is It So Big?!)
📍 Village outskirts
The ground shakes violently as something HUGE approaches.
💥 BOOM!
👹 A MASSIVE OGRE APPEARS, smashing through a wooden fence like it was made of paper.
Villagers: "WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!" 😱
Kulastog: "...I THINK I’M GONNA DIE TOO!"
👹 Ogre: "GRRRRRRRR!" (Slams the ground, creating a shockwave.)
🌿 Nearby trees FALL OVER.
🌪️ Dust fills the air.
Kulastog: "...Hey, uh, Rei? You sure this isn't a FINAL BOSS?!"
Rei: "Nah, probably just a mini-boss."
Kulastog: "MINI?! THIS THING IS BIGGER THAN MY HOUSE!"
Rei: "Good. That means it's a bigger target."
Kulastog: "I SWEAR TO THE GODS, REI—"
⚔️ Round 1: Offense! (Or Just Running?)
Kulastog: "OKAY, TIME TO ATTACK!" 💪
🔥 Kulastog charges forward, fists clenched.
💥 Throws his STRONGEST PUNCH!
👊 (Punch lands on the ogre’s knee.)
👹 Ogre: "..."
🦵 Ogre doesn’t even react.
Kulastog: "...Oh no."
💥 (Ogre casually FLICKS Kulastog.)
🏹 Kulastog gets sent FLYING across the village.
🌲 SMACKS into a tree.
🐦 A few birds fall out of the branches.
Kulastog: "...Pain."
Rei: (Eating an apple) "So… you wanna try again?"
Kulastog: "I WANNA GO HOME!" 😭
🏃♂️ Round 2: Defense! (Or Just Screaming?)
👹 Ogre: "GRRRRR!"
💥 (Swings MASSIVE fist at Kulastog!)
Kulastog: (Remembers reflex training.) "I GOT THIS!"
💨 Ducks just in time!
💥 Ogre's fist SMASHES into the ground, creating a crater!
Villagers: "OH MY GOD, THAT COULD’VE BEEN HIS HEAD."
Rei: "Hey, nice dodge!"
Kulastog: "THANKS—"
💥 (Ogre swings SECOND FIST.)
💀 Kulastog gets LAUNCHED AGAIN.
Kulastog: "I HATE THIS STUPID MONSTER!"
🎯 Round 3: Strategy Mode (Because Brawling Clearly Isn’t Working)
Rei: "Okay, obviously, punching is useless. Try using strategy."
Kulastog: "Like what?"
Rei: "IDK, use your surroundings or something."
👀 Kulastog looks around.
🪵 Sees a wooden cart full of barrels.
⚡ IDEA ACTIVATED.
🎯 The Big Brain Plan! (…Maybe?)
Kulastog: "HEY, UGLY! OVER HERE!"
👹 Ogre: "RAAAAAAH!"
🔥 Ogre charges at Kulastog!
🏃♂️ Kulastog SPRINTS towards the cart.
📍 TIMING HAS TO BE PERFECT!
💨 Right as the ogre reaches him—
💥 Kulastog DIVES OUT OF THE WAY!
👹 Ogre SMASHES INTO THE CART!
🌊 Barrels BURST OPEN—SPILLING OIL EVERYWHERE!
🔥 Time for the Finisher!
Kulastog: "HAHA! I’M A GENIUS!"
Rei: "Okay, but what’s the plan now?"
Kulastog: "Uhhh…"
🔥 (Accidentally steps on a torch.)
🔥🔥🔥 The oil CATCHES FIRE!
Kulastog: "OH CRAP—"
💥 🔥 MASSIVE EXPLOSION! 🔥
👹 OGRE GETS LAUNCHED INTO THE SKY!
💀 (Disappears like Team Rocket.)
Villagers: "HE DID IT! KULASTOG BEAT THE OGRE!" 🎉
🌟 The Aftermath… (And Unexpected Reward?)
Rei: "Wow. You actually won."
Kulastog: (Still on fire) "Y-yeah… totally planned that." 😅
Village Chief: "Young hero! As a reward, take this special bow!"
🗡️ [ITEM UNLOCKED: HUNTER’S BOW!] 🏹
Kulastog: "OH LET’S GO! NEW WEAPON!"
Rei: "Try shooting an arrow."
🏹 Kulastog pulls the bowstring…
💥 Arrow flies straight up.
💨 [5 seconds later…]
💀 Arrow lands back and hits Kulastog in the foot.
Kulastog: "AAAAAAAAGH! WHY AM I LIKE THIS?!"
Rei: "...You know what? I’m not even surprised anymore."
Episode 16: "Leaving Town? Not So Fast! (Extended Fight Edition)"
📍 Village Gate – The Journey Begins (Or Not?!)
After surviving the OGRE INCIDENT (and somehow NOT dying), Kulastog is FINALLY ready to leave the village.
🏔️ Destination: The Mountain Region.
🚶 Mode of Travel: His own two feet.
😅 Confidence Level: Flimsy at best.
Kulastog: "Alright, Rei! Time to move out!"
Rei: "Yep. Just one problem."
Kulastog: "Huh?"
🚧 The Village Guards Block the Exit. 🚧
[VILLAGE CHIEF ENTERS THE CHAT.]
Village Chief: "Sorry, but you’re not leaving just yet."
Kulastog: "Wait, WHAT?!"
🎭 The Village’s Big Problem (Again?!)
Village Chief: "You see… the ogre you defeated? It had a boss."
Kulastog: "...A what?"
Village Chief: "A BIGGER, STRONGER BOSS."
Kulastog: "...No." 😨
Village Chief: "And it’s coming here."
Kulastog: "NOOOOOO—"
Rei: "Hehe, looks like you’re famous now."
🔥 A MONSTER ATTACKS! THE VILLAGE TREMBLES!
📍 Village Watchtower
A GUARD WITH A SPYGLASS SUDDENLY SCREAMS:
Guard: "INCOMING! HUGE MONSTER! AAAAAAAAAA!" 😱
🌲 Trees shake violently.
💨 A SHADOW looms over the horizon.
💥 BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.
👹 A MASSIVE 20-FOOT BEAST APPEARS!
🐗 [BOSS MONSTER: RAMPAGING WAR BOAR] 🐗
Villagers: "OH GODS, IT’S HUGE!"
Kulastog: "WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?!"
🔥 THE MONSTER CHARGES INTO THE VILLAGE! 🔥
🏃 VILLAGERS SCATTER IN PANIC!
Rei: "You’re up, hero. Don’t disappoint." 😏
Kulastog: "I'M GONNA DIE!" 😭
🏹 BATTLE START! ARCHERY PRACTICE (OR DISASTER?!)
🏹 Kulastog pulls out his bow and arrow.
Kulastog: "Okay! Time to prove I’m not useless!"
💨 (Pulls the string back, aims carefully… and lets it fly!)
💨💨💨 Arrow soars through the sky…
💥 AND HITS A RANDOM CHICKEN.
🐔 Chicken: "BOK BOK?!"
Villagers: "HE JUST SHOT A CHICKEN?!"
Rei: "...I can’t believe this is our hero." 😑
Kulastog: "MY BAD, MY BAD!" 😭
🐗 [BOSS MONSTER CHARGES] 🐗
💥 THE GROUND RUMBLES!
🔥 BOSS MONSTER VS. KULASTOG – ROUND 1! 🔥
🐗 THE BOAR SWINGS ITS MASSIVE TUSKS!
💥 WOODEN STALLS GET DESTROYED!
Kulastog: "OH SH—!" (Jumps to the side!)
💨 BARELY DODGES!
Kulastog: "Okay, focus. One shot, one kill!"
🏹 Kulastog aims again—Fires!
💨 Arrow flies… AND HITS A LAUNDRY LINE.
👕 CLOTHES FLY EVERYWHERE.
👵 Old Lady: "MY UNDERWEAR!"
Rei: "I swear to the gods, this is painful to watch."
🐗 [BOSS MONSTER CHARGES AGAIN!] 🐗
💨 Kulastog jumps onto a roof—CRASHES THROUGH IT.
🏠 (Villager stares at him in silence.)
Kulastog: "Uh… Nice house you got here?" 😅
🏠 (Villager throws a broom at him.)
🔥 VILLAGERS JOIN THE FIGHT!
👴 Village Grandpa steps up.
Village Grandpa: "Back in my day, we fought monsters with our bare hands!"
👴 (Punches the boar.)
💥 (HURTS HIS OWN HAND.)
👴 "AAAH! MY BONES!"
👵 Village Grandma enters.
Village Grandma: "TIME TO TEACH THIS BEAST A LESSON!"
👵 (Throws a rice cooker at the boar.)
🐗 BOAR GETS HIT ON THE HEAD.
🐗 [STUNNED FOR 2 SECONDS.]
Kulastog: "…WHY DID THAT WORK?!"
Rei: "These villagers are something else."
🔥 KULASTOG’S BIG PLAN (OR TOTAL NONSENSE?!)
Kulastog: "OKAY, OKAY, I GOT IT!"
🏹 (Loads five arrows at once— because why not?)
🎯 (Fires blindly into the air!)
💨💨💨 Arrows fly randomly—
💀 ONE HITS A WATER BUCKET.
💀 ONE HITS A SCARECROW.
💀 ONE FLIES BACK AND ALMOST HITS KULASTOG.
🔥 BUT ONE HITS A LANTERN!
💥 THE LANTERN FALLS… HITTING A CART OF GUNPOWDER!
💥💥💥 BOOOOOOOM! 💥💥💥
🐗 THE BOSS MONSTER GETS BLOWN AWAY!
🎉 Victory? (No Way That Actually Worked.)
💨 Smoke clears.
🐗 The Boss Monster… is UNCONSCIOUS.
🎺 VILLAGERS CHEER! 🎺
Villagers: "OUR HERO!"
Kulastog: "...DID I JUST WIN?"
Rei: "You accidentally won."
Kulastog: "DOESN’T MATTER, I’LL TAKE IT!"
📜 Reward Time! (Unexpected Gift?)
Village Chief: "You saved us again! Here’s a reward!"
🗡️ [SKILL UNLOCKED: BASIC ARCHERY!] 🏹
🏆 [BONUS REWARD: A PACKED LUNCH] 🍱
Kulastog: "Wait, why food?"
Village Chief: "For the road, of course! Now, get out before you cause more damage!"
Kulastog: "I FEEL SO UNAPPRECIATED!" 😭
Rei: "You’ll live."
💨 And with that, Kulastog and Rei FINALLY leave the village…
🔥 NEXT STOP: THE MOUNTAINS! 🔥
TO BE CONTINUED IN EPISODE 17!
What dangers await them in the mountains?
Will Kulastog actually win a fight on purpose?
And will Rei ever stop bullying him? (Probably not.)
😂 STAY TUNED!
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Updated 9 Episodes
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