53. BLEEDING HEARTS

HANA

"You always do that," Mickael whispered soothingly.

I raised my head, looking at him blankly, my cheeks were stained with tears I didn't want to shed. But they escaped anyway.

"Pressing your knuckles to your eyes so that you could stop yourself from crying. I would suggest against it. Cry as much as you want."

I shook my head, doing the same damn thing again, pressing my knuckles to my eyes gently.

"I don't want to cry over them. It only reminds me of how foolish I have been."

"What happened?" He asked me, pulling over at the side of a vacant road.

I shook my head again. I know Micheal won't judge. In fact, he will take my side. But I can't take the pity anymore.

"Tell me whom do I have to put into a coma? For you, I will."

I felt choked up and teary. But I laughed at his words. "Me, put me into a coma," I tell him honestly. If I get a chance to forget everything and sleep, I will.

I heard him release a helpless sigh. "Did you guys break up?" He asked me calmly.

I nod my head.

"After or before coming here?" He asked again.

I am so grateful to Michael for leaving everything at the party and being with me. But I wish he remained silent for some time. I don't want to recall what had happened.

He touched my shoulder gently.

"Hana, why don't you stay at my apartment? It's nowhere near my parent's house."

The mention of his parent's house sends a shiver through my spine. He is careful with his words. Still, the memories rushed into my body. His parents' house is the place where Leo took me when no one was there, the place where my mom sent me when I was being the twelve years old girl I was and wouldn't sit still, the place from where she refused to get me out because I would be only headache and when she finally knew what happened, she silenced me.

I think it's better to recall what happened a few minutes ago than to recall the events that happened years ago.

"Do I always play victim?" I questioned Michael.

At this moment, I don't even understand what I am. I wouldn't have known any of these things if I hadn't come here. Any of these things wouldn't have happened if I hadn't run away. Did Bash love me? Would he have been the same if I hadn't run away?

"That's the issue, Hana. You are the victim. But you never acted like one. You pretended to be brave."

But my mind tried to process everything Violet said.

'Don't look at me like you are the victim just because something happened years ago, and think that we owe you a damn thing. We don't. Don't expect us to be sorry for you for your whole goddam life.'

I didn't expect them to be sorry for me. I expect them to acknowledge my pain. I expected them to support me. Somehow it feels like everything is my fault. It feels like I ruined my sister's event because of one man.

I heard Micheal sigh again. "What did they do to you?" He asked.

"I think I did to myself. No one did anything."

"What do you mean?"

"Remember Bash?" I asked him.

"Yeah. Your ex-fiance's cousin. I tried to approach him but he kinda give me creeps. In fact, Cillian is more approachable even though he has I- will- kill- you- if- you- come- near- me face."

I smiled at the attempt he made. He wanted to talk with Sebastian because he knew we were together He wanted to bond.

"Cillian is Bash. Bash is Cillian." I laughed at my sentence. I finally accept that.

"What do you mean?" He asked me, his eyebrows furrowed.

"It's a lie. Perhaps he wants to find out whether the girl who left him will fall in love with him or not. He lied." I squeezed my eyes shut, remembering the day when he said he loved me. Everything is a lie, every kiss, every touch, every breath, and every laugh.

"You didn't know how he looked?"

"No. I know I am stupid. I never met him before marriage. I once google for both of them. That too after I met Bash, I mean after I met Cillian in Istanbul. They are together, and I thought, Cillian is Sebastian and Sebastian is Cillian. I know I am stupid, I am a fool and I ..."

Michael cupped my face, making me focus on his face. "You are no such thing, Hana. He is the fool because he lost you."

I squeeze my eyes again, controlling my tears. "Yes. He is the one at a loss. Not me. You know why I came here, Michael? I told my friends that I needed closure, a proper goodbye with him. But I came here to let him know that I would leave everything behind just to be with him, to show him that I would fight my nightmares if he said yes. I bought Violet's favourite Stilletos with my one month's salary. I am not angry about what they did, Michael. I can't take the fact that they lied to me, tricked me, and used me to get what they wanted. No one chose me, the true me, Michael. No one did, Bash, Violet, or Mom. No one. I don't know where it had gone wrong with Violet. I don't what I did for her to be like that."

Wetness coated my knuckles as I pressed them to my eyes. It will be a long battle, trying hard not to cry while all I want is to cry my heart out.

"You don't get to say that, Hana." Michael said in a serious tone. "You never chose yourself either. You were ready to get married until they did the worst just so you could impress your mom. You were prepared to leave Istanbul just so you could be with Bash. And Violet is not a child, Hana. She helped you to run away just so she could marry the richest guy in the city. Everyone is selfish. They don't deserve you. Chose yourself now."

What is left inside me to choose?

"You won't get a flight immediately. You will have to wait for hours, Hana. Stay with me till then." Michael suggested again.

"I am not staying in this city. I am never coming back."

I leaned closer to him, resting my head on his shoulder, needing something for support even if it was for a minute. "Thank you for being there despite the situation you are in."

"I don't care that Leo has gone missing or Violet is getting engaged, Hana. All I ever cared about in this family and will ever care is you."

I held his arm, and he placed his hand on me, giving it a little squeeze.

"You will always be my cupcake."

For that, I will be grateful forever.

"Cheer up, now. You are young. Breakups are bound to happen." He says, smiling.

I gave him a small smile. It's not the break-up that hurts. It's the betrayal of two persons I trusted more than my life. It's the humiliation I felt after their lies were disclosed. I had become a laughing stock for them.

Will Bash and Violet joke about how easily they tricked me? Will they talk about what a fool I had been? My insides cringed at the thought of them together. The image of them kissing and laughing wouldn't go away from my mind no matter how much I tried.

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