The Royal Lunatic

ARTHIT:

I have treated all kinds of patients in my life.

There were the warriors who pretended that bleeding out was just "a scratch." Then there were the noble ladies who swore a mild fever meant their imminent death. And let’s not forget the children who ran for their lives at the mere sight of herbal medicine.

But none of them—not a single one—came close to Prince Tawan’s level of insanity.

I had been summoned early this morning after hearing that the crown prince had collapsed near the lake the night before. The entire palace was in chaos, with whispers of poisoning, a curse, or even ghosts.

But when I walked into his chambers?

The prince was sitting on his bed, staring at the ceiling like it contained the secrets of the universe. Then, out of nowhere—

Slap.

"Ow!"

Slap.

"Ow! Damn it!"

…Was he slapping himself?!

I stood there, completely baffled.

I cleared my throat. "Your Highness… what exactly are you doing?"

Prince Tawan whipped his head around so fast I thought it might fall off. His eyes were wide, and for some reason, he looked excited to see me.

"Oh! A person!" he exclaimed.

I blinked. "…Yes?"

He pointed at me like he had just discovered fire. "Wait. Are you real?"

I sighed. It was too early for this.

"Your Highness, I am your royal physician," I said, stepping closer. "You were found unconscious near the lake last night. I need to examine you."

Instead of answering, he grabbed my shoulders and shook me.

"Tell me I’m not dead!" he demanded. "Or dreaming! Or—what if I got reincarnated?!"

…This was worse than I thought.

"You’re not dead," I said flatly.

He narrowed his eyes. "How do I know you’re telling the truth?"

I did not hesitate. I simply flicked him on the forehead.

"Ow!" he yelped, stumbling back.

"There," I said. "If that hurt, you’re alive."

Tawan blinked. His mouth opened, then closed. Then, as if his one remaining brain cell finally connected, he groaned and collapsed onto the bed, face-first into a pillow.

"Ughhh. This isn’t a dream, is it?" came the muffled voice.

"Unfortunately for me, no," I muttered.

I sat beside his bed, arms crossed. "Do you remember what happened last night?"

Tawan peeked out from the pillow. "Uhh… there was a lake."

"Yes, you were found there. But what were you doing before that?"

He sat up, scratching his head. "Umm… flirting?"

I stared at him.

"You hit your head and lost your memory, didn’t you?"

"What? No!" He sat up straighter. "I remember everything! It’s just… a little blurry. But totally fine! Yep. Everything is fine."

Suspicious. Very suspicious.

Before I could question him further, the chamber doors BURST open.

The Queen Mother ran in first, wailing like someone had stolen her jewelry.

"My son!" she sobbed, throwing herself onto Tawan like a collapsing tree. "You’re alive! My baby! I thought I lost you!"

Tawan let out a strangled noise, flailing under her tight grip.

I stood there, silently enjoying the scene.

Then, the King entered. Unlike the Queen’s dramatic meltdown, he immediately fixed Tawan with a sharp, unreadable stare. I swear he looked suspicious.

Tawan, still being suffocated by his "mother," let out a nervous laugh. "Haha… Mother! You’re, um, very strong…"

"My precious son!" the Queen wailed louder. "The entire palace was in a panic! You were found unconscious near the lake! What happened?!"

Tawan froze. "Uh…"

I smirked. Let’s see him talk his way out of this one.

His eyes darted around like a trapped rat. Then, with the confidence of a man who just made up a lie on the spot, he blurted out—

"I… was sleepwalking!"

Silence.

I almost choked on my own breath.

The Queen gasped. "Oh, my poor baby! Have you always suffered from this?!"

Tawan hesitated. "Uhh… yes?"

This was amazing.

The King did not look convinced. "You were found at the lake. Alone. If you were truly sleepwalking, why were your clothes wet?"

Tawan blinked. "Ah… well… maybe I… sleep-swam?"

I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

The King sighed. "You will be under strict supervision from now on."

Tawan paled. "Wait, what—?"

"You clearly cannot be left alone if you are at risk of drowning in your sleep," the King said.

Tawan looked absolutely horrified.

I decided to make it worse.

"As the royal physician," I said with my most professional voice, "I strongly recommend a personal guard to watch over him at all times. Just in case he… sleep-climbs a tree next."

Tawan shot me the most betrayed look I had ever seen.

The Queen clapped her hands. "Yes! We must protect my son!"

The King nodded. "Then it’s settled. The royal physician will monitor the prince daily. And as of today, he will not be left alone under any circumstances."

Tawan groaned into his hands. "This is a nightmare."

For once, I agreed with him.

But at least I was having fun.

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