Chapter 16: The Confession and the Mistake

Shin led Xander through the quiet, dimly lit streets, the only sound the soft padding of their footsteps. Xander stumbled slightly, disoriented by the alcohol, but he didn't pull away. He seemed to trust Shin, even in his inebriated state. He trusts me…even now…after everything.

They reached Shin’s apartment building, and Shin guided Xander inside. He helped him into the elevator, pressing the button for his floor. The silence in the elevator was thick with unspoken emotions, and a growing sense of wrongness in Shin's gut. Xander leaned against the wall, his eyes closed, his breathing heavy. He’s so vulnerable…I shouldn’t… Shin watched him, his heart pounding in his chest, a battle raging within him. He needs me…he’s hurting…I can make it better.

They reached his floor, and Shin helped Xander out of the elevator. He unlocked his apartment door and led Xander inside. The apartment was still a mess, a reflection of the turmoil within him, but Shin didn't care. He just wanted to get Xander settled, to make sure he was safe. Safe from everyone…including me.

He helped Xander to the couch and sat down beside him. Xander’s eyes were still closed. He seemed exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Shin watched him, his gaze soft, his heart aching with love and regret, and something else, a darker, more desperate need.

He reached out and gently brushed a stray lock of hair from Xander’s forehead. Xander’s eyes fluttered open, his gaze meeting Shin’s. For a moment, they just looked at each other, the silence between them charged with unspoken emotions.

“Don’t say anything,” Shin whispered, his voice hoarse with a mixture of longing and guilt. He placed a finger gently on Xander’s lips, silencing any response he might have made. I don’t want to hear it…I don’t want to know what you’re thinking.

He traced the curve of Xander’s jaw with his thumb, his touch feather-light, possessive. He moved his hand to Xander’s hair, gently cupping the back of his head, his fingers tangling in the soft strands. He leaned closer, his breath warm against Xander’s skin. He’s so close…I can’t…

He hesitated, his heart pounding in his chest. He knew this was wrong. He knew that Xander was vulnerable, that he was still hurting, that he was in no state to make any decisions. But I want him…I need him… The thought was a wildfire, consuming his better judgment.

He tilted Xander’s head slightly and slowly, gently, kissed him. It was a soft kiss, a tentative exploration, a whisper of a promise. A promise I don’t deserve to make. He wanted to convey all the love, all the regret, all the longing he’d been holding back for so long. And all the desperation…all the need.

He pulled back slightly, his gaze searching Xander’s eyes. He waited for a reaction, his heart in his throat. He was prepared for anything – anger, rejection, disgust.

Xander’s eyes were still closed. He didn’t pull away. He didn’t push Shin away. He just… stayed there, his lips slightly parted, his breathing shallow. He’s too drunk…he doesn’t even know what he’s doing.

Shin leaned in again, this time the kiss was deeper, more insistent, more desperate. He poured all his love, all his longing, all his regret, and all his need into the kiss. He held Xander close, his arms wrapping around him, pulling him closer. He’s mine…he has to be.

Xander finally responded, his hands coming up to rest on Shin’s shoulders. He didn’t pull away. He kissed Shin back, his lips soft and hesitant at first, then more eager, more… lost.

The kiss broke, and they both gasped for air. The line had been crossed. Shin knew it, and the guilt was immediate, a crushing weight in his chest. What have I done?

They stared at each other, their eyes filled with a mixture of confusion, desire, and a dawning horror. Shin knew, in the pit of his stomach, that he'd made a terrible mistake. He’d taken advantage of Xander’s vulnerability, crossed a line he could never uncross.

The next morning, Xander awoke with a throbbing headache and a sense of deep unease. The memories of the night before flickered in his mind, fragmented and hazy. He remembered the kiss, the intensity, the desperation. He remembered… more. A wave of nausea washed over him. He remembered the intimacy, the closeness, the…sex. He looked at Shin, who was watching him with a mixture of guilt and anxiety.

“It was a mistake,” Xander said, his voice barely a whisper, his eyes filled with pain and betrayal. “A drunk mistake. I… I was heartbroken. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. The shame and regret were too much to bear. He turned away from Shin, his heart breaking all over again.

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