Chapter 3: The Comfort of Denial

Shin paced his room, the rhythmic creak of the floorboards a counterpoint to the turmoil in his head. Xander's evasiveness in the library had left him unsettled. Not the right time, Xander had said. But what was the wrong time? When would be the right time?

He stopped by his window, staring out at the cityscape. The lights twinkled like distant stars, mirroring the confusion within him. He told himself he was being ridiculous. Xander was his best friend. They’d shared everything, or so he thought. It was natural to feel a little… put out, he reasoned. It wasn't about Xander being gay; it was about the secret. The fact that Xander hadn't confided in him first, that he'd chosen Ethan – Ethan – to share this important piece of himself, stung more than Shin cared to admit.

Friendly jealousy, he muttered to himself, trying the phrase on for size. It almost fit. Almost. He thought about all the times they’d shared secrets, whispered dreams, and late-night confessions. This felt different. This felt like a wall being built between them, brick by agonizing brick.

He slumped onto his bed, running a hand through his hair. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe Xander just needed time. Time to process his own feelings, time to figure things out. Shin knew Xander. He was a good guy, a genuinely good person. He wouldn't intentionally hurt Shin. He probably thought he was protecting him, shielding him from… what? Embarrassment? Disapproval?

It's okay, Shin thought, trying to convince himself. It's okay if he's gay. It doesn't change anything. We're still best friends. He clung to that thought, the idea that their bond was strong enough to withstand anything. He remembered their childhood promises, their shared dreams of the future. He couldn't lose that. He wouldn't.

He decided to give Xander space. He wouldn't push, wouldn't pry. He'd wait. He'd be patient. He'd be the understanding, supportive friend Xander had always known. And when Xander was ready, he’d tell him. Shin was sure of it. They’d talk, they’d laugh, they’d tease each other like always. And everything would go back to normal.

A small smile touched Shin’s lips. He imagined Xander’s sheepish grin, the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he was embarrassed. He could almost hear Xander’s voice, explaining everything, apologizing for keeping him in the dark.

It's okay, Xander, Shin thought again, the words echoing in his mind like a mantra. I understand. I’ll wait.

He lay back on his bed, the tension slowly draining from his body. He was tired. Tired of the confusion, tired of the uncertainty. He closed his eyes, picturing Xander’s face, his warm smile, his easy laughter. He drifted off to sleep, comforted by the illusion of understanding, the solace of denial. He’d wait. He’d be patient. He’d pretend everything was normal. For now, that was enough. Or at least, he hoped it was.

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