Chapter 3: Ineffable

Ineffable - too great or extreme to be expression in words. Something beyond comprehension.

November 17th, 2000

Over the next few days, I did nothing but paint.

Elysia came over eventually so i could focus on something else other than a paintbrush and paint. On the 15th, i got her number, and we've been talking constantly. She talks to me as if im the best part of her day. As if my presence, my voice, is the one thing keeping her happy. I know that's not true, but, the way she talks to me makes me feel like it. She's always so excited when i call her, and when she calls instead she greets me so happily.

She makes me so happy every day. Not one day since we first talked over the phone has she not talked to me. I get a good morning text, an afternoon call, and a goodnight text. sometimes even selfies of her and the things she bakes.

it feels like everything is moving way to fast but, really, im not even upset about it. I love how she talks to me. i love how often she talks to me. How she never comes over empty handed. We went out on a date the other day and it was the best day of my entire life. I sat there at the table at the cafe she took me too, and just smiled as she talked and talked and talked.

And the best thing about it?

Not one person looked at me like i was a monster. Like i was unusual, foreign, weird.

When im with this girl, holy shit.

im human.

When im with her, im happy. im sane. im warm instead of freezing cold, i feel like my skin is a warmer color and not ghost white. I don't feel the need to to paint, i feel the need to look at her. take HER in. admire her beauty like i've never seen anything like it. and i really haven't. Everytime we hang out, i don't say a single word. i just stare at her gorgeous face.

And, theres thing...If i look at her a certain way, she'll start talking. rambling. The comfort she finds in my eyes makes it easier for her to talk to me. We communicate through eye contact, through facial expression. I don't have to say anything to tell her what i want.

I've never wanted anything more than something like this. Like us.

As i let my mind fill up with images of her, i pick up a paint brush and my pallet. I stare at the still unfinished painting on the easel. A garden, foggy yet gorgeous. pink flowers, sage green grass, white concrete marbled benches. i dip my brush in in the fair, peachy white that's on my pallet and start painting. A figure sitting on the bench. As the minutes go by, the figure is a person. an hour goes by, the person has details. realism.

2 Hours go by. 3.

The 5 hour mark hits. my wrists are aching, my eyes water and burn. I haven't blinked.

I lower my brush from the canvas, placing it and my pallet on the floor. I close my eyes to refresh my sight, which was slowly getting blurry.

Elysia.

Her name flashes in my mind and i nearly flinch.

My god, that girl. I can't get even a second to think about anything else but her.

Which isn't necessarily a bad thing...

I open my eyes after about a minute, looking at my finished painting.

Oh.

I painted her.

My eyes linger on the figure sitting on the concrete marbled bench. the long blonde hair, the basket of baked bread next to her. her arms. her waist. She's so b-

My phone rings, and i whip around to look at it sitting on the arm of the couch and buzzing rapidly.

I yawn, stretching my arms up in the air as i walk over to it. I pick it up. It's elysia, for the second time today.

That's... Not normal.

she usually calls a little earlier. It's...7:30pm. Holy shit, she's late. Did i miss any calls?

The phone stops ringing, i guess i took too long. I'll call her back. I go to our messages just to make sure i have no missed calls.

None.

I shrug, and call her back. She answers almost immediately.

"elysia?" i say.

I put the phone to my ear then flinch. She starts yelling into the phone and dear god is it high pitched.

"HI SERA!!! HOW ARE YOU?! im sosososososoooo sorry i didn't call earlier, i-"

I chuckle as she talks, i put the phone on speaker and put it down on the couch arm, sitting on the cushion and listening to her.

I cut her off, barely understanding a word she says.

"Elysia, Elysia. Please. it's alright, you don't have to call me at a specific time every day. it's fine. I missed you too."

im lying. me when i lie. she has to call me everyday at 12 or im putting pipe bombs in her little house..or wherever she lives. i haven't been over there yet.

I hear her giggle behind the phone, and i hear something else shifting in the background as well. what is that? is she with someone?

"okayyy...whatever you say. But anyways, can i come over? " she says. I can still hear something shuffling in the background, and it's pissing me off.

"are you with someone right now?" i ask, my tone firm, nearing the line of irritated.

she pauses.

"what?" she responds.

I tense up, taking a breath.

"are you with someone? Is someone else with you? i can hear that in the background."

"Hear what? I'm not with anybody, Seraphine."

My once warm feelings stopped, my body going cold. im irritated now.

"I feel like you're lying to me." i say.

"excuse me?" she responds to me. Her voice is dripping with confusion, almost anger.

Before i get another word in, she hangs up on me. She texts me saying she's on her way and i don't think she's very happy about it. I roll my eyes and sigh, standing up and cleaning up a few things. I have time to go in my room and i get dressed into long baggy sweatpants and a short sports-bra like shirt. I brush my hair and wash my face and put on cologne that my dad gave me a good while ago. I've never really used regular perfume, though im a girl.

She knocks on the door the second i leave my bedroom. I go and open the door, and as i look down i see her cute little face. i also see her raise up a baguette wrapped in plastic and tied with a pretty pink bow. And then she starts beating the shit out of me with it.

"YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!" she yells as she literally beats me to the fucking ground with bread.

"OW! OW! FUCK! WHAT THE FU-OW OW!!"

I can't even get a word in. This crazy bitch is giving me a beat down with freshly baked bread. I know that it's fresh because it's still covered in sprinkles of flower and it's hot as fuck.

"JESUS CHRIST YOU CRAZY BITCH GET OFF OF M- AAAHHH FUCK!!"

right in my crotch. like. IN there. this is where i start writing my suicide note.

She finally stops and i roll over, clutching my crotch like my life depends on it. that shit HURT.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR? THE FUCK ELYSIA?!"

she just stood over me as i yelled and screamed in pain. She was just..silent. After about a good 5 minutes im finally able to stand up without feeling like i just lost my virginity for the first time all over again.

I look down at her, pissed off and she looks up at me the same way.

"who the fuck do you think you are, Seraphine? telling me im a liar over the phone? Asking me if im with someone as if you're my fucking mother."

she continues talking, and I stare at her as she scolds me, letting her go on and on about it.

i cut her off in the middle of a sentence, taking her hand and using my other hand to hold her cheek with.

i don't have the energy for this, i really don't.

"I'm sorry, elysia. im sorry. I shouldn't have talked to you that way at all and i should've told you why i was asking instead of just getting upset. I apologize and i promise you I'll never talk to you as if im your superior ever again."

She goes silent and looks at me. Almost like she's surprised that i apologized to her..which is...bare minimum???

I see her cheeks go pink and the more she looks at me the less upset with me she is. She leans her face into my hand, and i smile, my eyes hooded as i look at her. 

She pushes away, whining and covering her face.

"what?" i ask, genuinely confused on why she's so flustered.

"Don't look at me like that, Seraphine.." she talks quietly and high pitched, like she's complaining about it. "Why not? Is it ugly? am i intimidating you?" i respond, pulling her back to me by her wrist. She inhales, looking at my lips then quickly glancing back up to my eyes before she pulls away again, turning her head away from me.

"You're looking at me like you're gonna-"

she hesitates.

"eat me.."

I stay silent for a second then start laughing, just a bit. A random wave of confidence washes over me and i pull her tight to my body, lifting her head up with my finger.

"I might if you keep looking away from me."

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