15

...Manuel...

I saw Maria enter from my bedroom window, I got up without wasting a second and went out in the direction of the kitchen, where they used to enter from that side. As soon as I saw her cross the door, I rushed to her hugging her. At first she didn't seem to understand what was happening, she didn't even seem to have recognized me, but it didn't take her long to hug me back. I separated from her noticing the pallor of her face and the dark circles under her puffy eyes, she did nothing more than show me a little smile pronouncing a weak "thank you". I accompanied her to the room she shared with the other novices and Sisters, carrying her backpack in complete silence. She didn't seem in much of a mood to talk after the weekend she had spent and I wouldn't be the one to force her to do so now. She thanked me for my help by grabbing her backpack and walking into the room. I stood outside for a few seconds as if waiting for her to come out again, but she didn't, she would probably put her things away, gather others and go to San Cayetano to cloister herself in prayer. According to what Basilio had told me, after lunch, he would leave with the girls who were passing through. I went back to my room to continue organizing the collection. I had no idea how they used to do it, but it couldn't be too difficult, I hoped it wouldn't be. I sat down at my desk and thought about what would be the best way to collect the donations. We should probably split up, after all, there were four of us. Someone could stay at the parish receiving the food, while the rest of us went to collect the rest. I had to talk to Basilio to make the announcement about how we were going to do the collection. I wrote down what I was going to need to do it and the time I was going to call the kids together. I had to plan everything well so it wouldn't take too long. I didn't want to take up their whole day, they were young and probably had things to do. Suddenly, I remembered Gabriel's confession, I should have forgotten it by now, that was what I had been taught, but my mind didn't seem to want to cooperate. Less so when a question popped up that gave me a feeling I couldn't quite identify: had he gotten a girlfriend? He was an attractive boy, quiet and with good values, it would be strange if no one had noticed him. Why did it suddenly bother me to think about it? It was none of my business, but his words echoed in my head like a constant echo. I tried my best to distract myself with the noises that penetrated my room. I could hear Snow ordering the others to hurry up and finish cleaning. Her voice reached me as if I were at the bottom of a sink, but little by little I was dulling the annoying echo I had. I ran my hands across my forehead trying to dull the remnants of her voice that were still bouncing around in my head.

I got up from my chair feeling a little dizzy as if I had run out of air. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and breathed consciously until the feeling passed. Then I opened the door and peeked out, I could see Nieves with some transit novices. They were all moving like ants around the parish cleaning. I watched them until Sister noticed I was doing it, she looked at me with a little smile knowing what I was thinking.

—May I come in?

—Yes, Father, come in.

I left my room and walked to the altar, the novices were going back and forth cleaning. I walked to the front door and left the parish aimlessly. I didn't know where I was going or why, but I needed to free my head, I needed to avoid thinking about Gabriel and his life. It was none of my business what I did. Not to mention that I should discard any memory of that conversation. Suddenly, I felt my arm being grabbed. I jumped, turning to my right, Isabel looked up at my face and smiled.

—Is something wrong with him, Father? You look a little pale.

—I was feeling a little sick, so I went out.

I gave a nervous smile as I gently pushed her away. Although I had spent a long time tortured with Gabriel, I preferred to have crossed paths with him instead of Isabel. I didn't like the way she behaved with me at all, I felt that, if I got too close to her, I would end up in trouble. I kept walking followed by her who was talking about something that I didn't pay attention to at all, I just prayed inside my head that someone would appear who could save me from this situation. Every now and then I had to push her away from me again by putting some pretext to prevent her from feeling my rejection directly. She was quite insistent on holding on to my arm as close to me as possible.

—Forgive me, Isabel, but I want to return to the parish.

—Let's go, then.

—Alone. I want to think, not talk. —I paused for a few seconds—. I'm sorry.

—All right, Father. —She smiled at me—. I'll see you at mass.

I nodded and started to walk straight to the parish like a soul with the devil in my heart. As soon as I crossed the main gate, Maria grabbed me by the arm, suddenly stopping me. I looked at her a little agitated, her blue eyes staring at me in bewilderment.

—Did something happen to you, Father?

—Can you keep a secret?

—Yes, but we won't be able to talk here. Can you wait a few minutes? I have to finish cleaning up.

—After you leave again, Maria, who am I going to talk to?

I noticed a hint of concern in his eyes.

—It's nothing important, okay? Don't make that face.

—Are you sure, Father?

—Yes. Let's leave it here, shall we? It's all right. —I sighed—. I'm going to the oratory. I hope to see you when you come back from cloister.

—It's only going to be two days, I'm going to hurry back, in case you want to talk later.

—Thank you.

I curved my lips into a little smile that did not seem to reassure her. I entrusted her to God and went inside to go to the oratory. I was surprised to see it completely empty, but I didn't think too much about it, I took advantage of it to use the kneeler closest to the altar where the central figure was Jesus crucified, on the left side there was a statuette of the Virgin. I inhaled deeply, closed my eyes and prayed until I lost track of time. I needed to free my mind completely, to ask God to give me the strength to assume my role as a priest in this parish and to do it well.

I left when the midday mass was about to begin. I walked without wasting a second to the altar and found it full. It didn't take long for people to approach to greet me. Isabel, luckily, did not show up. I didn't want to deal with her again. I noticed almost immediately that Gabriel wasn't there either. He rarely didn't come to church, I had grown accustomed to seeing him at mass. I sat down in one of the pews against the wall just as Basilio came in to position himself behind the lectern.

...***...

The days passed so quickly that I hardly realized that the day of the collection had arrived. Around eight o'clock in the morning, Gabriel, Facundo, Isabel and I were standing in the center of the parish courtyard. Maria approached shortly after with Laura, one of the novices who was going to be there for a few days, the two of them would be in charge of packing the food that one of us was going to stay and receive.

—Thanks for coming, guys, I'm really glad. —I smiled—. Well, first of all, this is Laura, she is passing through here for a few days, she offered to help us.

She shrank shyly in her place waving to the boys.

—Well, someone has to stay and the rest of us will go house to house to collect donations.

—Are we going to carry them on our shoulders, father? —asked Facundo.

—I prepared some boxes so that the work is not so heavy. Now we have to decide who is staying and who is going to pick up the stuff.

—We should all three of us go, Father. Isabel can stay and not go through this cold.

She glared at Facundo, but didn't object. I was relieved, I didn't want to have to deal with her today when we had so much work to do.

—If it's all right with the young lady...

—Yes, of course, Father, I don't want to get in your way.

—Well, if everything is decided, it's time to get going. The boxes are inside.

Both Gabriel and Facundo nodded. Maria, for her part, began to organize the girls to receive and pack the food as quickly as possible. The three of us went into the parish, I had only managed to get three boxes, one of which I had to leave with the girls. I gave them a couple and we went out again. We walked to the corner, where Facundo made us stop.  

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