13

...Manuel...

I had barely finished with the noon mass when Gabriel entered the almost empty parish. I looked at him with a smile, which vanished as soon as I saw his face. He looked tired, maybe a little disgruntled. I instructed the altar boys to finish as quickly as possible and leave. I approached him worried about what might be happening to him.

—Gabriel, is something wrong?

—I need to confess, do you have time?

He looked up at me, his eyes dull, dull. I nodded and led him to the room that was used as a confessional, which was accessed from the side opposite the door we used to go to the rooms. I tried to open the door, but it was locked. I asked him to wait for me there and went to the office occupied by Basilio. I searched the desk until I found a key ring with several keys on it, each one labeled with the name of the place it belonged to. I returned with it, looked for the corresponding key, opened the door at last and went inside looking for a light switch. When I was able to turn on the one light, I could see that the room was tiny and had only a couple of chairs. I sat down in one and waved him to sit down. He closed the door before settling down across from me. He ducked his head, avoiding looking at me, it was as if he wasn't even capable of doing so.

—I'm listening, Gabi.

—I stepped, Father. I went out to a party last night, got drunk and ended up having relations with... with a girl....

I felt a pang in the pit of my stomach, it was hard to explain that feeling, or even to understand it, something like that had never happened to me before. It was as if it bothered me to hear him say that. I put a hand on his head.

—I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Penance is praying the rosary. —He nodded, making the sign of the cross—. Gabi... —I grabbed one of his hands without thinking too much about it, he finally looked at me in sorrow—... you shouldn't feel guilty about that. I know perfectly well what the Bible says about it, but you don't have to follow it to the letter.

—But, Father, what will my parents think when they find out?

—I don't know how many people you've told, but they're not going to find out from me. I don't think they should either.

He looked at me dumbly, as if I had said something crazy. He squeezed my hand and nodded slowly.

—You're young, Gabi, there are things you can't run away from, no matter how much you follow the Bible.

I noticed the color return to his face and the brightness return to his eyes. A slight smile curved the corners of his lips.

—Are you feeling better?

—Yes, I'm glad it's you telling me something like that. It's important to me.

He squeezed my hand again, reminding me that I still had a hold on him and my body did not react to let go, as if I did not really want to. For a few minutes we did nothing but stare at each other without moving. It felt strange, but it wasn't uncomfortable, just confusing.

—Well, I won't take up any more of your time. —He said suddenly, releasing my hand—. I'll see you tonight.

He smiled, got up and left the room, leaving me alone. My heart felt a little fast. It pounded in my chest as if I had run all the way to Del Viso and back. I looked at my hand as if I were dumb. There was something about it that I no longer recognized, or was it what I had felt that made it unrecognizable to me? I sighed, got up and left the room, locked the door to go put away the dawn. Then I took the keys to the office before going to the dining room. The Sisters looked at me as soon as I entered, but I didn't pay too much attention to them, I just sat down in the usual place and almost automatically received a plate of food. I ate conscious of my whole body, especially my heartbeat, which had already regularized, but it was impossible for me to ignore it now.

—Are you feeling well, Father? —Asked Sister Belen.

—Yes, I'm fine. Thank you.

She scrutinized me with her eyes, but said nothing more. I finished lunch as fast as I could and took what I used to the kitchen, although Nieves didn't let me do more than that, she made me stand at the kitchen door, took the plate and so on out of my hands to put them in the sink herself. I didn't complain, I was too distracted to do that, I just thanked her for the gesture and quickly left the dining room in the direction of my room. Once locked in, I sat on the bed and sighed. Right now I felt better in solitude. It was the first time I had ever felt that way with anyone. I inhaled deeply, held my breath and let it out with some force, taking courage to sit down in front of the desk. Basilio was going to take care of the evening mass when he came back, I was going to have time to distract myself. I looked out the window, there were kids crossing leaving or going to school. I kept looking at them for a while until my cell phone vibrated in my pocket, I took it out and looked at the screen, it was a message from my sister. I opened it and found a picture of her and my mom. I smiled wistfully. I was doing what I loved, what I loved, but it didn't take away from the fact that I missed my home and my family. I missed the place where I had grown up in Bahía Blanca. I quickly wrote that I missed them and that I would like them to come visit me sometime. I would like them to see me once I am the one running the parish, it was something my grandmother would like to see. I blocked the cell phone and left it on the table thinking about that moment. I still had no idea when it would be, Basilio didn't talk too much about his retirement, I guessed it was because of how much I had yet to learn. He hadn't told me about the administrative side of the parish either. Suddenly, a knock on the door caused my thoughts to scatter. I got up and opened the door to find a haggard Basilio, obviously tired.

—Father Basilio, I'm glad to see you here again. How is Maria?

—As well as a person can be after a loss like the one he had. —he sighed—. She's going to spend a few days at home with his family and then go back to cloister himself in prayer. —I nodded—. Tell me, Manuel, have you been going through the office drawers?

—Yes, Father. A little while ago Gabriel came wanting to go to confession, I needed the key.

He nodded, smiling. He reminded me to take care of the missionaries' meeting and to start organizing the collection with the boys. Then he left. I sighed in relief, having talked about Gabriel had brought back to my mind what had happened in the confessional. At least now I was going to be entertained with something so I wouldn't think too much about it.

The rest of the afternoon I was busy with the missionaries' meeting and telling the boys about the collection. When it got dark, I went out to the altar to wait for Father Basilio's mass to begin. The neighbors from the neighborhood were just arriving. I sat down on one of the benches against the wall and looked at the floor, waving from time to time to the people who approached me. I looked up and looked at those who were arriving and found Gabriel, he was with Facundo, they both sat in the last seat. I had the need to get up and greet him, as if I had not seen him earlier when he came to confession, as well as at the meeting of the missionaries.

—Hello, Father. —A feminine voice made him look away, it was Isabel. She smiled—. I really enjoyed the talk today. And I wanted to volunteer to help put things together.

—Thank you. —I smiled—. I'm glad you want to help.

She sat down on the bench right in front of me with a wide smile. He crossed his legs leaving one between mine. I settled back a little uncomfortable with what he was doing.

—You inspire me to help more.

He said, running his hand over my knee. I settled back on the bench, not sure how to get out of the situation. I didn't want anyone to see us and think I was doing something inappropriate. I could get in trouble if that happened. I cleared my throat, apologized to her and got up to go to Gabriel. What had happened to me with him hadn't been awkward like this, it had been weird, but it wasn't like with Isabel.

—Father, hello —said Facundo as soon as I sat down with them.

—Hi, guys. Good to see you here, Facundo.

—I came with Gabo.

—Lying is a sin, Facu. —Gabriel turned to me—. He went to my house to pick me up to come here.

—Your parents didn't come today, did they? —I asked.

—No, my dad was feeling sick and my mom had to take the night shift.

—That's why he asked me to accompany him.

—I never asked you, you sent me a message asking me if you could stop by my house to come over.

—Don't send me to the front.

I let out a chuckle.

—At least you're getting him back on track, Gabi.

An amused smile appeared on his face, Facundo just clicked his tongue and laughed too. Then we were silent for a few moments.

—Gabi, I would really like you to help in the collection, for now there are only a few of us.

—Who will be there?

—For now, only Isabel offered.

He stared at me for a few seconds without saying anything.

—I want to volunteer. —Said Facundo—. I hope it won't be a problem.

—Not at all, Facu, everyone can help. —I smiled—. I'm glad you want to do it. You, Gabi?

—ye-yeah, yeah, sure.

I smiled at him glad I didn't have to deal with Isabel alone. I was really worried about her attitude with me, she would end up causing me problems if someone saw us and I thought it was something mutual. At least with Facundo and Gabriel with me, there would be no problems. Basilio entered the altar filling it with his voice completely, he silenced our conversation and that of the others. I settled into the pew, suddenly remembering the confessional. I had spent the day avoiding thinking about Gabriel and what I had felt when we were alone, but now that he was so close, I couldn't get him out of my mind. 

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