6

...Gabriel...

I heard footsteps coming out to the altar, I opened my eyes to find Father Basilio and Father Manuel, who was bringing the dawn for the mass. I looked at my wristwatch, it was still two hours before noon mass. I settled into the seat and looked at them. I was curious to know what they were about to do. I didn't want to leave either, Father Manuel looked very handsome with the alb on. It was nothing more than a plain white tunic, but he seemed to be the only one who looked good in it. My thoughts almost betrayed me by going a little beyond Manuel's simple attractiveness, I knew that, if I did, I would be sinning with lust in the house of the Lord. I tried to concentrate on what I was seeing. Father Basilio held out an open book at first. The new Father looked down for a few seconds and then looked up before he began to recite the baptismal Mass. I felt his eyes fixed on me as if everything he said was dedicated to me, almost like a poem. His voice echoed in the parish, it was soft and gentle as always, it was mesmerizing, I could listen to him all day long without getting tired. I looked down ashamed, I was thinking as I did with Santi. I always had these disgusting thoughts about him and how much I liked him. I couldn't feel that way about a future priest and even less about one who already was one and I would have to see him all the time. Maybe it was time to get a girlfriend. I had heard of some girl who wanted to be with me, it had been in the time when Santi was still here, logically I had rejected her. I let out a sigh. She probably hated me or she would already have a much better boyfriend than I could be.

I decided to get up and leave, I couldn't go on like that, I didn't want to either. I walked to the corner and stood on the curb, I stood there for a few minutes watching the other side of the street as if I was waiting for someone. I felt disoriented, dazed, I felt dizzy for some reason.

—Hey, are you feeling well, Gabi?

I turned around, it was Facundo, he was looking at me with some concern.

—You look pale... Would you like some water?

—I'm fine. —I managed to say.

—I'll walk you home, come on.

He didn't even let me process what he had told me, he intertwined our arms and started walking, forcing me to walk too. I heard him talking to me, asking me questions, but I didn't pay attention to him, I kept feeling the guilt that was making me worse and worse. I felt like a horrible, disgusting person. I couldn't think like that neither for a Father, nor for Santiago, nor for any other boy.

I walked without paying attention until I realized that we were not going to my house, we were close, but it was not the usual way. I was so absorbed in my crisis that I could have been kidnapped without any problem. We came to a house with a gate tied with a chain and padlock to a single fence. He let go of my arm and reached into his pockets until he pulled out some keys. He opened the padlock, then the gate to let me in. I went in, trusting that it was his house and that I could get out of there alive. I had never visited his house, I knew Santiago had when I was busy. I waited silently for him to close again, then he approached me with a smile and waved to invite me in. The place was nothing more than a house similar to mine, a little smaller. There were pictures everywhere, where I could recognize Facundo as a boy. His face had hardly changed, only the way he dressed, the way he combed his hair and the beard he wore now.

—Let's go to my room so we can talk quietly, I never know when my mom will be home.

I nodded and followed him through the dining room to a door decorated with rock band posters, obscene drawings made with liquid paper, black markers or pen and a wooden sign in the middle, hanging on a string with the name of the owner of the room.

—Sorry for the mess.

He said as we walked in. He really had to apologize, his room was a mess of clothes and porn magazines everywhere, though he didn't seem to mind too much that I saw his mess. He lifted up some clothes as he made his way to the bed. He asked me to sit down while he put some things away. A few minutes later, he sat down next to me.

—Shall I get you some water? —I shook my head, "Are you all right?

—Why did you bring me here?

—Because you looked like you were about to die in the middle of the sidewalk. What happened to you?

—Nothing.

—Don't give me that, Gabi, I'm not stupid. Come on, tell me, you can trust me.

I stared at him for a while without saying anything at all. I didn't know how much I could trust him, but so far no one was looking at me funny or turning away, so I figured he hadn't said anything yet. I inhaled sharply filling my lungs and expanding my chest.

—It's nothing, Facu. Sorry for worrying you.

—Trust me, I'm not going to say anything. I didn't tell anyone you're gay.

I looked down at the floor.

—It's nothing, really, don't worry.

He stared at me, but did not insist, only nodded and, again, offered me a glass of water, which I accepted this time. He left the room and came back a minute later with a glass in his hand which he extended to me with a little pitiful smile. He sat down next to me again. He commented on something or other, especially about the time we used to hang out with Santi. For a second it brought back some memories of when we were kids, but my happiness only lasted that long. The guilt came back to me like a boomerang, reminding me that I was a filthy sinner despite my best efforts. I thought it best to find Father Basilio first thing tomorrow morning to confess to him. Obviously I wasn't going to be an idiot and I wasn't going to tell him I was gay, I would tell him the usual, "I have sinful thoughts."

—Hey, how did you end up in love with Santi?

Facundo's question took me by surprise. I was not used to talk openly about my feelings for him, I usually had to make up that I liked some girl. I chose the girls who would never give me a ball, even if they found out, none of them would try to talk to me with the intention of having something more than a friendship.

—I don't know, one day I realized that girls didn't attract my attention like he did.

—I can already imagine the mini Gabriel sighing in the corners.

He let out a chuckle making me sigh a little embarrassed. I really was that stupid when I was a kid, when I discovered that I loved Santi as something more.

—Are you going to make fun of me?

—I was worse when I started to like Maria. I still keep the sheets of paper on which she drew us or wrote our names enclosed in crooked hearts.

—You don't seem like the type of person to do that.

—I did, at least before I discovered porn. —He smiled at me—. Now you like someone else?

I could have said that I liked Manuel without even thinking about it, but it was not like with Santiago. The new Padre I didn't know him more than superficially. I thought he was attractive, that I could sleep with him knowing that I would commit sodomy. I just shook my head, Facu examined me with his eyes for a few seconds before nodding as if he was satisfied with my answer. We were completely silent again for a few minutes. I took the opportunity to think. He was the person to whom I could confide everything I was thinking and feeling. I didn't have the same confidence as I had with Santiago, but I didn't think I had had it with him either. After all, I never told him I was gay, let alone that he had such a crush on me. I breathed in deeply wishing Facundo was the right vessel to pour out my inner self freely. I didn't want to keep all my secrets to myself anymore, I felt my lips and chest burning every time a new one appeared. I wanted to ask someone, I wanted to tell him that I could sleep with the new parish priest. I turned to him and met his gaze.

—I need to talk to you about many things.   

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***