The Struggle Within

The alarm blared, pulling me out of a restless sleep. I rubbed my eyes, staring at the ceiling, feeling the weight of another day ahead. No lectures, no faculty, just empty classrooms and wasted time. The college wasn’t really a place of learning—it was a place where I showed up, sat in silence, and waited for the day to end.

I didn’t even bother getting excited for class anymore. There wasn’t much to look forward to. The so-called lectures were either cancelled or just plain useless. The teachers didn’t know how to teach, and I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be learning anything at all. I often sat in the back of the classroom, pretending to pay attention, but my mind was elsewhere. How was I going to manage my project? How could I prepare for exams when the classes didn’t even teach me anything relevant?

The usual routine dragged on. I went to college because I had no choice, but it was becoming harder to believe that this was the path I was supposed to be on. As I sat through yet another “lecture,” I wondered if I’d be better off learning things on my own, away from this mess.

The clock ticked by slowly, but the bell finally rang, signaling the end of class. I got up and walked out, lost in my thoughts. The halls were filled with the usual hustle of students, but none of them really mattered. I wasn’t connected to anyone. I didn’t talk to anyone. The loneliness followed me like a shadow.

Back in my room, the silence was deafening. I didn’t go to the mess for food today. I couldn’t bring myself to. The thought of standing in line, eating the same bland meal for the hundredth time, felt like I was just going through the motions of life without truly living. I stayed in my room, staring at my project and textbooks, but the words didn’t seem to make sense anymore.

How could I focus on a project when everything around me felt like a waste of time? The exams were creeping closer, and I didn’t feel prepared. I wasn’t even sure what I was supposed to be studying. There was no guidance, no structure—just chaos.

But I wasn’t going to give up. As much as I wanted to throw in the towel and walk away from it all, something inside me told me to keep going. There had to be something more than this. I didn’t know what it was yet, but I was determined to find out.

The day ended without much change. I hadn’t gotten any closer to figuring out the answers, but I had one small victory: I refused to just sit back and let life pass me by. Tomorrow would come, and I’d have to face it—but maybe, just maybe, I could find a way to make it count.

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