"Alyssa Bennet narrating"
I was always different from other girls my age. For one thing, I could get attached to things very quickly. Yet, if I set my mind on not wanting something, nothing could make me change my mind.
So I simply looked at myself in the mirror and thought.... I didn't want a relationship, but rather someone who would try to fill the emptiness inside me. That's why I accepted, and it didn't even work, since even with Luan, the emptiness was still there, as if a knife was piercing my chest saying: 'Look at me, I'm still here.'
I didn't cry because I was cheated on, but because of the breakdowns. And I didn't give a fuck about Luan, since I didn't love him, nor had I ever loved anyone in my life except my parents.
And God, why the hell would I waste my time crying over something that wasn't even worth it?... A year ago, I was indeed broken.... but weak, that I am not.
So that's when I thought I didn't need anyone to help me get rid of this emptiness, since it hadn't even worked, and I hated everything about relationships.
Having to explain myself to someone about my life.... getting stressed out because of someone else, as if the problems I already have weren't enough, and seeing myself tied to someone, unable to do anything I wanted.
I realized I wasn't born for that. Maybe in about ten years, but right now, I really just want to enjoy my life.
The downside is that I was crazy about sex ... Because it was what calmed me down when I was nervous. I remember how insatiable I became during exam periods.
That's when I started going out more, meeting more people, and at the end of the night, I always ended up in a hotel with a guy. Of course, I also had my rules; I wasn't stupid enough to go out with a stranger, so I chose the hotel myself .... I brought the condoms, and the most important rule of all: I never spent the night with anyone.
Believe me, I did that once with some guy from college, and he already thought he could propose to me.
I really didn't want a relationship, and I had learned a lot from the slight disappointment I had with Luan.
I wouldn't accept less than I deserve; it was simple.
You want me?
Show it with actions, not just words.
Lied?
Keep your lies and forget me.
Miss me?
You know my number and where to find me, call me. Don't expect me to guess it and come after you ....because I won't.
If you don't understand my silence,
Better not even try, since you won't understand my words either.
Did I do something you didn't like or that hurt you?
Tell me, talk to me.
Want priority?
Treat me like one first.
It's not rocket science or anything like that. It's so simple to win over a woman; it's not always just about appearances. What's so hard to understand about that?
But as I said, that's a matter for a few years from now, since right now I really don't want to be tied to anyone anytime soon.
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