Ch-1

“Woo Yeonjae.”

Tap.

The sound of raindrops hitting the umbrella was cheerful. At the same time, the jet-black pupils rolled down slowly. It wasn’t so difficult to notice that subtle change. Because Moon Seoyoon always looked at Woo Yeonjae.

“I’ll stop now.”

Fortunately, a voice so indifferent that it made years of lovesickness seem pale flowed out.

“So… you should stop now too.”

In the context of the abrupt conversation, Woo Yeonjae wrinkled his cheek. There was a meaning hidden in his slightly raised eyebrows.

“What should I stop, Seoyoon?”

“You know.”

For a moment, Woo Yeonjae looked straight ahead, then slowly turned to the side. Water droplets, trapped in the cheap vinyl umbrella, fell along with his movement like sluggish tears.

As they shared the umbrella, they were in a very close proximity. Close enough to scrutinize each other’s expressions thoroughly.

“….”

The emotions etched on Woo Yeonjae’s face weren’t just bewilderment. It was pure defeat.

Moon Seoyoon lightly fidgeted with the wet sleeve with his fingertips. Perhaps he had anticipated it. Instead of denying that Woo Yeonjae wouldn’t know even if he blurted out such words, he seemed more embarrassed.

Woo Yeonjae knew Moon Seoyoon so well, just as Moon Seoyoon knew Woo Yeonjae well.

That’s why. He couldn’t hold onto these emotions anymore, suffocating as they were.

“I’ll stop liking you. Let’s end it here.”

And so, Moon Seoyoon declared the end of their relationship.

One-sided love.

Moon Seoyoon ran away.

He ran from the abandoned piano, the relentless time stolen from his mother, the unease that finally caught up with him, and his father’s infidelity.

At twenty, he understood when someone else stood by his father. His mother had passed away four years ago; he could understand. Even if he hadn’t realized they had been meeting for five years, he would have thought so all his life.

Facing the truth was purely coincidental. When the excited woman, usually so accepting, became tipsy after a few glasses of wine, a small mistake was as quietly devastating as winter sunlight.

“She wasn’t doing this much five years ago.”

There was no proof in the soft words that they had met for five years. But intuition couldn’t be that wrong. When the knife slicing through the steak stopped with a sharp sound, Moon Seoyoon noticed his father’s rigid gaze.

He wasn’t completely clueless to ruin the atmosphere. Perhaps he was even afraid. Afraid of hearing the confession that they had been meeting since his mother was alive. And afraid of whether his mother had known.

Moon Seoyoon chewed on the tasteless piece of meat, swallowing the overwhelming emotions.

Normally, he would have gone to find Woo Yeonjae. The only refuge left was his old childhood friend.

“Hey, did you hear?”

“What?”

“Woo Yeonjae got a girlfriend.”

“Oh…”

It wasn’t anything special. Woo Yeonjae always had a girlfriend. It was the same when Moon Seoyoon started his one-sided crush, and it remained the same now, after several years.

“What’s with that surprised expression?”

“…It’s faster to find a day when he doesn’t have a girlfriend and go then. Just saying.”

Despite efforts to maintain a composed expression, his cheek twitched involuntarily. He realized it too late, but Kim Hyunseung responded nonchalantly, as if accepting the stiffness with disappointment.

“But it’s the first time since we entered college, right? It’s already winter, not even spring. We’re adults now, so it’s different from dating in high school, isn’t it?”

“Well, yeah, I guess so.”

Moon Seoyoon nodded calmly. Many things had changed since high school.

An unfamiliar picture swirled in his mind, making him feel queasy. As soon as he realized it was rude to strangers, self-loathing surged, and Moon Seoyoon absentmindedly scratched his nails. He felt like he could vomit at any moment.

“But isn’t it strange that for once, Woo Yeonjae didn’t tell you first? Whenever he gets a girlfriend, he usually rushes to tell you first.”

“Maybe he wants to see your face before saying anything.”

“Well, that could be it.”

If it weren’t for the news of a girlfriend, he would have rushed to Woo Yeonjae right away, like a child seeking comfort over something trivial.

But Moon Seoyoon was an adult now, unable to cling to his friend who had a partner and unable to pour out his own feelings. Above all, he didn’t want to infect his friend, who seemed to be enjoying himself, with his melancholy emotions.

Meeting him will only evoke a sense of guilt. Moon Seoyoon dug up all sorts of excuses and suppressed his desires tightly.

With nowhere else to turn, all that was left was to run away. Immediately after the meal with his father, Moon Seoyoon applied for enlistment. Perhaps the heavens were trying to create a breathing space for him, as luck would have it, a vacancy opened up, and he chose to enlist without hesitation.

His father seemed somewhat hurt by the fact that his only son applied for enlistment without discussion, but he couldn’t hide his relief that quickly passed.

The day he confided in his friends about his enlistment was also the day of the training camp graduation ceremony. Enduring over a month of submarine duty, he endured taunts questioning if it was a training camp. Amidst sarcastic comments and insults, he hesitated before finally dialing Woo Yeonjae’s number.

“Um… okay.”

His voice was long, kind, and affectionate. Moon Seoyoon was secretly taken aback, expecting him to openly express annoyance or sadness, provoking guilt. If it was the Woo Yeonjae he knew, he had to be one of the two.

“Who is this?”

A strange voice followed, adding to his confusion. Moon Seoyoon quickly caught onto Woo Yeonjae’s words.

“Are you with your girlfriend?”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry. I’ll hang up. Let’s meet when I get leave.”

Hearing the voice of his only childhood friend after enlistment was both the first and last. And so, he spent a year and six months in the military.

It was a tough but not entirely unpleasant time. While he couldn’t wash away his resentment towards his father, he felt it diluted to some extent. He thought he did well to run away.

The only thing that didn’t go as planned was his feelings towards Woo Yeonjae. Since he couldn’t see his face, he assumed his feelings would naturally cool down, but instead, they grew uncontrollably, without a clear end in sight. Despite feeling hurt by the attitude of a friend who didn’t come to visit even once, he found it ridiculous that he couldn’t bring himself to make a call, due to his pride.

Yet, letting go of the affection was difficult. Not being able to see his face seemed to only fuel his resentment. Moon Seoyoon even suppressed that resentment familiarly.

Still, these days were quite okay. After discharge, he hadn’t contacted him for almost half a year, and it seemed like his feelings had somewhat subsided. It was almost two years in total. If he continued like this, would he eventually retreat and disappear? All that would remain would be the stench.

“I’ll finish up.”

Moon Seoyoon stood behind Song Jua, who was grumbling while taking out items from the shelf, and took out the cup holder instead.

“Oh, can you?”

“Yeah, it’s not difficult.”

“Really, thank you. You’re still my part-time mate from half a year ago.”

With an exaggerated attitude, Song Jua wrinkled her nose and extended her fist. Moon Seoyoon lightly touched her hand with a smirk. It was already half a year since those excessively sociable actions, and Song Jua began to tidy up her apron.

“Oh, right. Are you going to continue working part-time, Oppa? You said you’re going back to school this time. You’re in your second year, right?”

“Yeah, going back to school. I’ll keep working part-time.”

“Wow, it sounds really unlucky, you know?”

Once again, Moon Seoyoon laughed lightly. After working with Song Jua for almost half a year, he knew her personality well. They were comfortable enough to exchange such jokes.

“Oh, right. A new officetel was built nearby, right? Are you moving there? No, wait, since you have a car, are you commuting?”

As Song Jua, who had hung her apron in the break room, quickly zipped up her long padding, she asked.

“No. I’m going to move into the dorm.”

“What? Dorm? Which dorm? Oh, experiencing the life of the common people?”

“What? No, it’s not like that.”

As Song Jua glanced at him, her eyes slightly narrowed.

“I was kidding. But why are you moving into the dorm? It would be much more comfortable to live alone or commute.”

It was awkward to say that it was suffocating at home. Moon Seoyoon hesitated to come up with a plausible answer. As he was contemplating, Inyoung was lingering in front of the café door. He was Song Jua’s boyfriend.

“Oh, I should go. Thank you, Oppa! I’ll finish the closing tomorrow!”

“Take care.”

The timing was perfect. After shaking hands with Moon Seoyoon, who heard the tinkling sound of the bell and immediately started cleaning the machines.

Inside his wallet, there was a card from his father, one from his grandfather, and a debit card where his allowance accumulated monthly. Nevertheless, the reason for working at the café was clear. If he didn’t do anything, he would be consumed by sticky emotions.

Moving his body was good to drive away distractions. He had found a part-time job near the school right after discharge because he planned to continue working even after going back to school. He might have to reduce his hours after classes started, but he thought it would be okay since school would occupy his remaining time, helping to drive away distractions.

“It’s 9 o’clock.”

Moon Seoyoon stared at the clock on the wall. One of the reasons for working part-time was to reduce the time spent at home.

During his time in the military, his father got married. It meant that someone else was in the house. He didn’t resent anyone standing by his father’s side, but it was still uncomfortable.

He chose to stay in the dormitory instead of commuting despite having a car. Since living alone wasn’t an option, it was better for his peace of mind to go into the dormitory.

Moon Seoyoon put on his coat and checked his phone unnecessarily. There was no message from the person he was waiting for.

Is this how we drift apart? He could have messaged first, but it wasn’t as easy as it seemed. Perhaps it was because of the guilt towards Woo Yeonjae. It was strange that merely harboring feelings for someone could evoke guilt in the other person.

“We’ll run into each other once classes start anyway.”

Even though they were in different grades, they would inevitably cross paths in the campus, which seemed vast yet small. Moreover, since they were in the same major, they would somehow bump into each other.

A sigh escaped his lips quietly. Despite trying not to think about it for the past two years, Woo Yeonjae still occupied his mind whenever there was a gap. It was as unconscious and relentless as breathing.

Let’s stop thinking about it.

Moon Seoyoon shook his head slightly and left the café. It was still chilly before spring arrived. Since he only wore a light coat while driving around, his shoulders naturally hunched.

I need to hurry. It was just as he was about to lock the door and turn around.

An arm reaching out from behind pulled him by the waist. Before his body could react to the unfamiliar touch, the scent that had been floating in the air was swept away by the winter wind. It was a very familiar scent, one that he couldn’t forget.

“Seoyoon.”

Moon Seoyoon, whose shoulders twitched within the man’s embrace, turned his head slowly, struggling to control his breathing.

“I waited for a year and a half, no, two years without saying a word…”

Woo Yeonjae was standing there, with a face like a puppy scolded by its owner.

“You won’t welcome me?”

The moment he met his gaze, Moon Seoyoon immediately realized. Woo Yeonjae was extremely upset.

–

T/N:

In the line you won’t welcome me?, Woo Yeonjae specifically says ‘꽃신 안 줘’ which means whenever men come from their required military service, they expect their lovers to give them or they give 꽃신 (Flowers Shoes) as gift which mean they didn’t break up over the last two years. This is only a saying, but they don’t literally give shoes.

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