His face, in Mine

NOVEMBER 10, 2024,

My aunt Esther, will never let me see Fred. Because he looked too identical to him, she wouldn't even look at me as I got older. But I understood why: we looked too much like him, Peter FordField. Our father and the man who took mother (her sister) away from her and her family, and put her in so much misery over the years, leaving behind her children. Her broken children: sometimes. Whenever I looked at my reflection, I can almost see him. That man. But she never hurts me for it.

I was never invited in family gatherings, or rather. I refused to go to family gatherings, it'll be painful for them and for me. Furthermore, I wouldn't want them to look at the spitting image of my mother's rapist. More often than not, I spend time wearing wigs and eye contacts to at least look different from Him.

I tried different shades of blonde and even dyed my hair once, but the hair stylist said that it's very unhealthy to keep dyeing my hair often, or else my hair would die, she mentioned that, peachy blonde is such a pretty color.

But I don't want to look like him, I don't want to feel gross whenever I look in a mirror, and I don't want to remember his face on top of me. I could almost feel his sweat dripping down on me like, and it burns, I hate him, I hate myself. I hate myself. Not only that, but I just.

Wish I'd disappear..

So, I got up and staggered my way to the shower room. As I got there, I locked the door behind me, the bathroom is warm cozy place, my aunt knows that I hated mirrors so the mirror that used to be in the wall at my right, is now gone. The whole place is covered in pink, pink bathtub, pastel pink floorboards, heart-shaped light bulbs placed on the ceiling, and the walls is pink too, the shower curtain is pink with white hearts and flowery designs, overall; I prefer this one than the one back at my childhood.

So, I closed my eyes as I strip my clothes off of me, I walked towards the shower and gently tap the warm water, I slowly stepped into the warm tub, and two more steps and I was deep enough in the pool of water. I could feel my body relax, half of my torso disappeared into the warm, bubbly bath, the warm wavelets dancing around as to tickle the sides of my arms and chest, I whipped around to my right, causing the water to dance around me in wavelets, and I reached out to a small pink body scrub, placed on a small white table beside the right of the tub.

I bent my head down to look at the water that surrounded me; I see a tiny wavelet, and forming itself into an eye. I couldn't believe my eyes, so I rubbed my eyes and looked at the water again, only to see nothing, how weird. Usually I'd see a wavelet, and it would form the shape of a Wi-Fi.

Nonetheless, I poured the scrub with body wash liquid my aunt uses. It smells like vanilla, I love vanilla, the smell is really sweet and that scent stays in my nostrils, but if I was eating cake. I'd prefer—red velvet cake. I couldn't blink, and I began to scrub my body violently, I wanted to get rid of it, this feeling. Not only that, but I don't deserve happiness. Furthermore, I'm filthy, the voice of my mother echoing in my mind 'You're filthy..' I'm... Filthy... A child made out of the force of violent lust... I'm just the result.. And I made it more complicated for her and now... Her family

I frantically began to scrub everywhere, my body stiffening and cringing as I scratched all the naughty places father touched. To the point where some of my skin on my back and chest blistered and bled. Painting the surrounding bubbles in crimson red. I could hear a faint voice, but I couldn't hear what they said, it was all a blur as I continued to scrub everywhere, I don't even care at this point, let me be clean. I don't like feeling gross!! I hate him! It's all his fault!! And I hate myself for being defenseless against him!! Argh!! Wash his stinky breath off my neck—

Suddenly, the locked door smashed open, it was Auntie Esther. Dressed in a pink nightgown, she had a worried expression I'd come to see quite often. Her eyes crinkled in despair, her voice became brittle and said "D-Dolly! Not again!!! Why did you do that yourself!" she frantically grabbed a towel and gave it to me, she that I didn't like being seen nude like this, so she turned around, I stepped out of the tub and dried myself, then I covered my body with a towel, she then grabbed a pack of bandages, she was always ready. I Feel bad, it's my fault, it always was; I always want feel clean. But it ended up with me bleeding, and she'll have to patch me up, I always make things worse.. I'm so selfish.

She dressed my wounds in bandages, her touch was hesitant and gentle. She did not look at me in the eyes, not even once nor a glance. At least a glance, please? I'm not him. You know that, don't you Esther? She gave me my clothes and left the bathroom. So I dressed myself in my black dress, and then layered it with my pink crop top sweater. So I dawned in my thigh high black boots and went straight to my room to grab my yellow bunny backpack and my inhaler, and placed the inhaler around my neck, like a necklace, so that it's easier for me to blow rather than wasting my time trying to find it.

I placed my pink bow and placed it on my head to the right, I grabbed my school supplies, such as: my notebooks, pens, and my handy-dandy ghost equipment!! My EMF meter, my REM pod and the coolest one! My cat eared, noise-canceling headphones and the spirit box!! And placed it all in my bag. I've always been so fascinated with the afterlife.

I went downstairs and got to the kitchen, a familiar savory and pungent smell, it filled the air with its scent, the smell of grilled cheese wafted through the air, filling the room with a warm and comforting scent. I hummed in content and ran towards the source of the smell. It led me to the dining hall and a note was placed beside the food; I went towards the table and reached my hand out towards the letter, and it reads as follows: 'Dear Dolly, I hope you can understand. That I need to go to work, I know we don't hang out a lot, but I hope you don't get into trouble, and also. Remember to lock the door before you leave. There's a new serial killer on the loose in this town. Love, Esther'

Yeah, super comforting. Luckily it's not my birthday this year... For all I know, one of my classmates got murdered and mutilated, and she was my friend. Bianca. She was in a little boy's party, I wish I was there, I could've died with her. But she died there, along with several other people, including one of the older boys; Jacques, Henry, Jeremy and Gunz, they're total jerks, but nobody deserved that, especially Gunz. Police said he suffered the most injuries with evidence of prolonged torture, and evidence that he tried to fight off the assailant. His eye was cut off, and he was beaten with a chair.

The police said they couldn't share more about his injuries. But it said to have traumatized them, so.... I want to go there!!! At night! And speak to the ghosts. Maybe they have information about the killer, and I'll be able to try to track him down myself! Yay! That's super cool! Except…. Also stupid, but I want to know what happened to Bianca. To everyone in there, I just have to. I know that's considered as vigilantism but at least I'm trying! It's been five years and no leads, the only remaining survivors are ages three to five years old, who managed to escape the massacre and tell their parents, and children that age could not describe them in great detail, though what I found interesting is that the

 Assailants have: blue hair, yellow jumpers, pink hat. But that's just about it.

And no video footage was made since evidence the police leaked says that the killers must've broke all their phones after the massacre. The house's phone lines were cut too, so in my guess. This is probably calculated.

I managed to make it school after walking down the road. Everyone wasn't as shaken, because; crime in RaidenBerg city is unfortunately normal. It happens every second. I sat down at my chair near the window, and opened the zipper of my backpack, I placed one hand and slowly sunk deep into the bag, shuffling along my stuff, 'Where is it??' I thought to myself; I was trying to find my pink iPod and earphones, searching through my bag thoroughly. I managed to find it, underneath all my ghost equipment other stuff. I picked it out of my backpack and placed it on my desk, then I closed the zipper of my backpack and placed it beneath my desk.

I plugged the earphones into the iPod, and then I popped the ear buds into my ears and untangle the wires, and pressed a button to switch it on. I really liked using these iPods, it's unfortunate that it got discontinued. The song that was playing in my ears was 'PICO, PICO, Chuu~!' by an idol group called: Baby Pink, and the singers are, June, Penny, Sakuya, Hyemi and Emiri. Their songs are unusually catchy, and I loved it because it isn't depressing (sometimes). It's literally a vibe to me, whenever I listen to their songs. It's often very upbeat and danceable, I couldn't help but bob my head up and down, side to side every once in a while. Closing my eyes and just tapping my finger on the desk to the rhythm of the beat, I loved it; their songs usually talk about teenage romance, sweets, Valentine's Day, Christmas songs, and songs that I relate to like: 'I don't want to wake up!!', it's a song about wanting to sleep forever and forget reality because it's not worth living in it anymore.

I sighed and turned my head to the window side, I could see the gray, and dull and cold sky as the foggy clouds block the light of the sun, it looks like it's about to rain, but it didn't. In fact: the sky in this city always looked like it's about to cry out a storm, but it never does. Maybe, because it did not want to. Maybe nature knew, it wasn't worth it anymore. Crying won't work anymore, it does not change. Nothing does, and it's slowly eating it up from the inside…

Listening to the joyous songs of my favorite idol group... About them. I remember an incident three years ago, it was very controversial, but they replaced Emiri, the youngest of the girls, with another. With little to no explanation at all as to why, the replaced her with a cute girl though, her name is Sarah, sure she's pretty and good at what she does. She doesn't scratch the same itch Emiri does, she's basically a quieter version of June. I don't hate Sarah, I hate the company that did this! While many people forgot about Emiri, and accepted this change easily, Emiri fans and most of the fan base didn't, and I understood why, I mean; the company basically replaced one their most, charismatic and powerful singer and dancer, with another girl, and provide no reason as to why they fired her, it's frustrating, I can almost feel my head reeling and squishing my brain matter, it almost felt like a punch in the gut when they did that. She was the face of said group in my opinion, maybe I'm like this it's because Emiri is my bias.

After school...I went to the school yard, and sat beneath a tree, despite feeling happy to where I am right now, in life. But... There's that, feeling, tickling my soul in the back of my mind, begging to be seen and acknowledged by me, because it knows, that I do not deserve to be amongst these children, not when my face, is the face of the same of the man, who would not hesitate to rape these children. And turn them hollow, no matter how much I listen to songs by Baby Pink. No matter how much I binge-watch television, no matter how hard I wash myself... I'll always look like him, in the back of my mind... And that's, terrifying. I could never see myself in the mirror, or reflections in the puddles of water in the floor made by the tears of mother nature, because... All I could see... Was him. Staring back at me, with his towering height. And unblinking eyes…

And… Almost as if… In the blink of an eye, it became six o clock.. I zoned out again.. Like an idiot, like I always do..

Oh! I almost forgot, I'm supposed to go to that house tonight, welp... Its ghost time...

***Download NovelToon to enjoy a better reading experience!***