The night everything changed

The soft patter of rain against the window was a familiar sound. It had rained that night too—the night Haruto’s world crumbled. He stood at the edge of his son’s bed, staring down at Yuki as the little boy slept, his tiny chest rising and falling with each breath. The room was dim, lit only by the soft glow of a nightlight shaped like a moon. Yuki’s dark hair fanned out on the pillow, his small hand clutching the worn-out stuffed rabbit that Haruto’s boyfriend, Kaito, had bought him before he was even born.

Yuki had Kaito’s eyes—deep, soulful, and brown. The resemblance was so strong that every time Haruto looked at his son, it felt like a punch to the gut. He wanted to cry, to scream, but he couldn’t. Not now. Not in front of Yuki. Haruto wiped his eyes roughly, biting back the tears that threatened to fall.

"Papa loves you more than the stars love the night sky," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. He reached down, brushing his thumb across Yuki’s cheek. The boy shifted slightly but didn’t wake. Haruto’s heart ached with a love so fierce it scared him. Yuki was the only thing keeping him going—the only thing that mattered anymore.

But that love didn’t drown out the memories. It didn’t stop the flashbacks that haunted him every night, like an endless loop of a horror movie. The accident. That night.

Haruto was only 21 when it happened. He had been so young, so full of hope. Kaito had been driving them home from a late-night ramen run. It was raining, just like tonight, the road slick under the tires as they talked about the future. Haruto had his hand on his swollen belly, feeling the small kicks from their unborn son. Kaito had been laughing, his smile so warm and reassuring.

*"We’re going to be great parents, Haru,"* Kaito had said, glancing at him with those kind, brown eyes. *"I can’t wait to meet him. You’re going to be the best papa."*

Haruto had laughed softly, his heart full. He turned to Kaito, his hand still rubbing his belly. *"I don’t know... what if I mess up? What if I’m too soft?"*

Kaito shook his head, reaching over to squeeze Haruto’s thigh. *"You could never mess up. You’ve got so much love to give, babe. That’s all Yuki will ever need."*

They had been so damn happy, planning their future together. Haruto had smiled and leaned his head back against the seat, closing his eyes for a brief moment, imagining their life after Yuki was born. He hadn’t seen the car speeding towards them—the headlights blinding, the sickening screech of tires, the impact that shattered their world.

Everything happened so fast. The car spun out of control, metal crunched, glass shattered, and Kaito’s voice screamed out, *"Haru!"*

Haruto’s body was thrown against the seatbelt, his hand instinctively covering his belly as the car slammed into a tree. The airbag exploded in front of him, the smell of smoke and burning rubber filling the car. For a moment, there was nothing but ringing in his ears and the blinding pain of the impact. He had tried to reach out for Kaito, but his vision blurred. All he could hear was the sound of rain against the wreckage.

Kaito had been conscious, barely, but alive. Haruto had crawled over to him, ignoring his own injuries, ignoring the blood. *"Kaito... Kaito, stay with me!"* His voice had been frantic, desperate. Kaito’s eyes had fluttered open, and he smiled weakly, his hand reaching out to touch Haruto’s belly one last time.

*"You... take care of him... for me, Haru..."* Kaito’s voice was barely a whisper. *"Promise me..."*

*"Don’t fucking say that!"* Haruto had cried, his heart breaking. *"We’re both going to take care of him, okay? You’re going to be fine. Just hold on!"*

But Kaito had known. He had always been the calm one, the strong one. His hand had slipped from Haruto’s, and Haruto had screamed his name until the paramedics arrived.

Kaito lasted a week in the hospital—long enough for Yuki to be born, but not long enough to see his son grow. He had fought, but the internal injuries were too severe. Haruto had held Yuki in his arms, his heart shattering as he watched Kaito slip away.

Haruto’s chest tightened as he replayed the memory, his fingers curling into fists. The room felt too small, too suffocating. He needed to get out. He needed air.

Quietly, he slipped out of Yuki’s room and into the kitchen. The dim light over the sink cast long shadows across the apartment, making everything feel cold and unfamiliar. His hands shook as he opened the cupboard, grabbing a bottle of whiskey. It had become his crutch, his way to numb the pain when it became too much. He hated himself for it, but he didn’t know how else to cope.

He poured himself a glass and downed it in one gulp, the burn of the alcohol doing nothing to ease the ache in his chest. He poured another, staring blankly at the bottle. His reflection in the kitchen window stared back at him, hollow and broken.

*"What the fuck am I doing?"* he muttered to himself, his voice barely a whisper. He was supposed to be strong for Yuki, but most nights, he felt like he was drowning. He was doing everything he could—working two jobs, going to school—but it never felt like enough. He never felt like enough.

His fingers itched, his mind drifting to darker places. The bathroom was just down the hall, and he knew what he could do to make the pain go away, at least for a little while. But he couldn’t. Not tonight. Yuki needed him.

*"Get your shit together, Haru,"* he muttered under his breath, slamming the glass down on the counter. He couldn’t fall apart. Not now. Not ever. Yuki was depending on him.

With a deep breath, he poured the rest of the whiskey down the sink, his hands still shaking. He wasn’t sure if he was going to survive this—if he’d ever find a way to move forward. But for Yuki, he had to try.

The rain continued to fall, a soft, endless rhythm that echoed through the empty apartment. As Haruto leaned against the counter, staring out into the night, he made a silent promise to his son: he would keep going. He would do whatever it took to make sure Yuki grew up safe and loved, even if it broke him in the process.

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