Chapter 1 : Reason To Live

To be honest, What I want to do in life was something I never asked myself until I found myself alone from the crowd. No one heeded to my words, no one listened to my things, I was invisible while existing at the same time.

I wanted to be noticed, I want someone to appreciate me, I want someone to support me and be there in my path walking along side with me. But, no one was there, neither friends nor some people were there for me.

Then something in my was asking what should I do? How do I gain friends? How do I make everyone like me and how do I make everyone my friend then I stumbled upon becoming a leader.

For the first time every I ran, I ran like nothing matters. Ran for that attention , ran for becoming a leader. I started talking more and more. I interacted people more and more, keeping a smiley , happy face always. So, they don't end up hating me. I was becoming a goodyfull person who gets along with everyone.

Eventually, I was getting surrounded by people and started calling them friends but who would have thought that people always try to gain something. They started asking for favors, requests and helps. Of course, I helped them and eventually I became a puppet for them to toy with, they pretended to be there. Even though, I had many people around me, that loneliness hitted me hard. I look carefully to my surrounding and realised I was never a leader neither I was an special person nor that I mattered to anybody neither I was someone's special.

And in continuation to that, I gradually realised that  alone and lonely were two different words with two different meanings.

Alone was being in own's world enoying own's company or something, separating from others and still maintaining good well-being whereas lonely meant longingness to get someone. I would have been far better If i was alone but I was lonely.

I wanted somebody to be there but what could I even talk, nothing has happened to me, neither I am wounded nor I am hurted neither someone has said any bad things to me even though they have, now I act like it is completely fine, that personality which I tried to build got fked up, My smiling had now eventually turned into fake , a creep and awkward laughing.

I dont have any pains neither do i got anything to show to someone for them to be my side. And people will come and act like they are there but everyone is busy in their own world and own life.

So, I am contracdicitng myself again to be a Leader now again, and I know how to approach properly and how to be a leader self. And along the way, people are gonna hate me and blame me, crictise me, tell me that I am attention seeker, tell me that I am not good as I think I am, tell me that I am just a looser and I am pathetic , then so be it.

I will live it this way. I will guide the people, So they can know the true value and essence of what a friendship should be, what a true person one must be and how not to lie to themselves and start doing changes in life. Improving their life, And for me, I just want to be a leader so they can watch me and learn from me and by me that they can walk a different path, learn from the path , decide what is good and what is bad.

Am I suited for this?

Maybe I am and maybe I am not

But I will do it.

Does the world need it?

If people are going to be this way , they will get isolated, they will get anxiety, stress environment, depressed. In the near future, people will start to loathe each other, hate each other, talk about bullshits about each other, judge every person based on their things and habbits and personalities, cannibalism will start and people will distance themselves from people when the main ultimate goal of a person is to co-exist with each other , socialise with each other. The poor and the middle class people will have no place for this kind of society.

I will create this god damn society myself. Thats why I will become a leader so that when I say that sth is sth then it is sth and I will make people force to appreciate me and support me.

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