Chapter 3: Trying to be her

Jamie sat on his bed, staring at his reflection in the small mirror above his desk. His fingers ran through his hair absentmindedly as he replayed the conversation with Heather and Chris over and over in his head.

“I’ve seen you around… come say hi next time.”

Her words echoed, and for some reason, they felt like a challenge. It wasn’t just that Heather was the girl Chris liked—it was that she was everything Jamie wasn’t. She was confident, effortless, perfect.

“I want to be her,” Jamie muttered to himself. He hesitated for a moment, the weight of the thought hitting him like a wave.

His phone buzzed beside him, snapping him back to reality. It was a message from Jules.

Jules: You okay? Still alive after your little run-in with Chris and Heather?

Jamie smirked and quickly typed back.

Jamie: Barely.

Jules: Lol. Well, what’s your plan? You’re officially in their group now, right?

Jamie sighed, running a hand through his hair again. What *was* his plan?

Jamie: I don’t know. I just want to… I don’t know. Be her, I guess.

Jules: BE her? What does that even mean?

Jamie paused, unsure how to explain the strange thoughts swirling in his mind.

Jamie: You know… like, dress like her. Be more like her. Maybe if I understand why Chris loves her, I’ll… get it.

Jules: Uh, dude, this is getting weird.

Jamie rolled his eyes.

Jamie: You wouldn’t get it.

Jules: No, YOU don’t get it. You’re obsessing over both of them, and it’s gonna drive you insane.

Jamie stared at her last message, knowing she was right. But even so, he couldn’t help it. There was something about Heather that had taken root in his mind, and he couldn’t shake it.

The next morning, Jamie stood in front of his closet, scanning through his usual collection of clothes. T-shirts, hoodies, ripped jeans. He sighed. Nothing he owned screamed “Heather.” He wanted something more… feminine, but not too obvious. Something that would make Chris notice him in a different way, without outright imitating her. Or maybe he did want to imitate her.

After some time, he settled on a loose cream-colored sweater, not unlike something Heather would wear, paired with jeans that were a little tighter than usual. He styled his hair, sweeping it over to one side in a way that felt more deliberate than his usual messy look.

Standing in front of the mirror, he studied his reflection. For the first time, he didn’t feel like himself—and that was exactly what he wanted. He didn’t want to feel like Jamie right now. He wanted to feel like Heather, the girl Chris adored.

Satisfied with his appearance, Jamie grabbed his bag and headed out. As he walked to class, he kept his head down, feeling self-conscious. Was this too much? Would people notice? Would Chris notice?

---

At lunch, Jamie spotted Heather and Chris at their usual spot outside under the big oak tree. They were sitting close, laughing about something, and Jamie felt that familiar tightness in his chest. It was jealousy—but not just for Chris. He wanted to be *both* of them. He wanted to know what it felt like to be Chris, the guy everyone admired. And he wanted to know what it felt like to be Heather, the girl everyone loved.

“Hey! Jamie!” Heather’s voice called out, snapping him out of his thoughts.

He looked up, trying to act casual as he approached them. “Hey.”

Heather smiled warmly. “You should’ve sat with us earlier. We missed our new study buddy.”

Jamie chuckled awkwardly, sitting down on the grass beside them. “Yeah, I was, uh… busy.”

Chris grinned. “Too busy to hang out with us? That’s cold, man.”

Jamie’s heart skipped a beat at Chris’s teasing, but he forced himself to focus. He glanced at Heather, who was sitting close to Chris, her fingers occasionally brushing his arm as they talked. The way they were together—it was so natural. So easy.

Jamie bit his lip. “I like your sweater,” he said, motioning to Heather’s soft, pastel green top. It looked cozy, like something he could see himself wearing.

“Thanks!” Heather beamed. “I actually thrifted it last week. You should check out that shop near the campus café. They have some great stuff.”

Jamie nodded, filing away the information. Maybe he could stop by there later, see if he could find something similar.

Heather’s phone buzzed, and she glanced at the screen. “Oh, shoot. I forgot I have to meet with my group for a project. I’ll catch you guys later?”

Chris waved her off. “Yeah, no worries. Good luck.”

As Heather stood up, Jamie found himself staring at her, noticing every little detail—the way her hair fell over her shoulder, the soft smell of her perfume that lingered in the air.

When she left, Jamie was alone with Chris. His heart pounded, but he forced himself to stay calm.

“So, you and Heather… you guys seem close,” Jamie said, trying to sound casual.

Chris shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. She’s cool. We’ve been hanging out a lot lately.”

Always cool? Just cool?

Jamie nodded, his throat feeling tight. “Do you… like her?”

Chris blinked, taken aback by the question. “What? No, it’s not like that. She’s just a friend.”

A wave of relief washed over Jamie, but it was quickly followed by confusion. If Chris didn’t like Heather, then why was Jaime, no he so obsessed with her? Why did he feel this strange pull toward her?

Chris studied Jamie for a moment, then grinned. “Wait… do you like her?”

Jamie’s eyes widened. “What? No! I mean, she’s great, but… no, it’s not like that.”

Chris laughed, shaking his head. “Man, you had me worried for a second. I thought I was about to lose my study buddy to a crush.”

Jamie forced a laugh, though his stomach twisted. If only Chris knew how complicated things really were.

---

That afternoon, Jamie wandered into the thrift store Heather had mentioned, his mind still spinning. As he sifted through racks of clothes, he found himself searching for things that reminded him of her—soft sweaters, delicate blouses, even a pair of shoes that looked like something she’d wear.

He picked out a few pieces, holding them up to himself in the mirror. For a moment, he imagined what it would be like to wear them, to be her. Maybe if he dressed like Heather, acted like her, he’d finally understand why she had such a hold on him—and on Chris.

As Jamie left the store with a bag full of new clothes, he felt a strange mix of excitement and fear. He was changing, becoming someone new. But he wasn’t sure if it was for Chris… or for himself.

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