My Cruel Past

Watanabe Yuuto’s POV

“One, two, three, four, five, six and seven.” I counted and after the seventh star I stated my wish.

“I want to die.” I said as I peered at the night sky.

I know I shouldn’t be believing this kind of stuff but only the stars and skies know how my life goes, and how cruel it is. Wishing that the stars and skies take my side just for a bit, I want to feel that there’s someone watching me while feeling their warmth even though it's just in my imagination.

“Everything was your fault.”

[Flashback]

Everything started on the day I was born. My mom died after giving birth to me. That's the start where everyone blames me, except for my grandparents.

After mom died my grandparents on my mom side took me in when I was still a baby because my father doesn’t have the set of mind to take care of me, but then when I turned 5 years old my father suddenly took me in. I don’t know if I’d be happy that time. He abandoned me for 5 years then he’ll suddenly come back, that’s weird and nonsense.

"Hi Yuu, it's me, your father. I'm here to take you with me." He said with sincerity.

That time I didn’t understand anything yet, but one thing is for sure for me in my child’s mind that I need a father in my life. I need some parents like other children have.

"You can't do that." My grandmother said. They didn’t want to give me to him because they don’t know if he can take care of me because form the very start he never did.

"Yes I can, I have rights as his father." He said with authority. My grandparents can't do anything because of what my father said. They force themselves to give me to my father, even though they didn't want to.

I thought my life would change after that because I'm with my father. Yeah, my life changed but for the worst. That’s where my hell life began.

"It's your fault." My father said to me when we arrived at his house then he suddenly punched and kicked me.

Every time he sees me he punches and kicks me until he's satisfied. He always blames that his beloved wife left him. And that I shouldn't have been born if it meant for mom to die.

I grew up blaming myself that everything was my fault. I got angry with myself because I think that I killed mom. That I ruined everyone's lives.

My primary days have begun. Everyone bullies me because I don't have a mom. They tease and throw me things to satisfy themselves.

"Ohh he's the motherless kid." They murmured about me.

"blehh! no mother!" They tease me.

"He's like that because he doesn't have any mother." And even whispers about me.

"Oh! He's the kid with no mother, poor him. His mother died giving birth to him." Even their parents talk about me.

But one day someone stood up for me.

"Hey stop that, it's inappropriate to bully someone." She said to the bullies. She became my friend.

I thought the bullying stopped because of her but instead she got bullied too. Again because of me I hurt someone. I stood up for her but they just pushed me away from her. I was pissed because of what they were doing to her so I rushed at them and punched them. My rage got me, I repeatedly punched them until they lost consciousness. I face her to ask her if she’s ok but then I saw her looking at me, afraid and terrified of what I did. When I was about to reach her, she suddenly ran away from me scared while crying.

I did it again, I ruined everything. I hurt everyone. I look at my fist with some of the blood in my hands. I got scared and heard some voices.

“It's all your fault.” Blaming me.

“You ruined everything.” Teasing me.

“You’re the one who hurt her.” Condemning me.

“AHHHHHHHHH.” I scream terrified like losing myself while holding my head. Tears started to fall down, that’s when I ran away and went home. I didn’t go back there again.

After that my primary school day left me outcast and alone. Everyone left me and didn’t dare to come or talk to me. I grew up feeling nothing but isolation from everyone while blaming myself. Even at home my father always beat me until I passed out. I got used to it until I felt nothing.

Then my lower secondary school began. I remain an outcast, because of the rumors that go around about me. That I’m a delinquent who loves to fight because of the bruises I have everyday. They didn’t know that my father did it.

Then someone from my class started to befriend me. I got close to him like he’s my real brother. We got along pretty well, I felt great having him as my friend.

Then the day that changes everything happened. I went to the place he told me to go. It looks isolated. There stood students from our school with baseball bats in their hands. I stepped back and bumped someone, it was him, the one I considered to be my friend.

He set me up.

“Why?” I asked.

“I really didn’t want you to be my friend\, I just wanted to beat you up. Your looks pisses me off like you’re superior to us. How I love to beat that f**ing face of yours.” He said with rage*.

“Blame yourself, it's all your fault.” He continued.

I didn’t know that I looked like that. I didn’t mean to do it. Again I heard those voices echoing in my head.

“It's all your fault.” Blaming me.

“You ruined everything.” Teasing me.

“You’re the one who hurt everyone.” Condemning me.

**sigh, looks like it's my fault again*.

I’ll just mess them up for a bit since it's already my fault.

[End of Flashback]

Everywhere I go everything is my fault.

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