My Truman Show

Life has not been kind to me

Mother passed before I could remember her face

Chasing dragons was her favorite hobby

Just remember her and grandma would argue

Rarely saw the other progeny

Always working and when I saw him well..

Just reminded him of my mother and he’d hit me..

But my grandmother seen me every weekend

Native American stories and wisdom

At home I wasn’t allowed to watch television

She would watch these low grade horror films

Cannibal Holocaust, Elvira, Tales of the Crypt

Every weekend was horror and fantasy

Every weekend was escape from reality

Then I started to write at home, tiny stories

Leave them on the bathroom sink

Like a critic father gave my stories star ratings

Humanity is so perplexing, I learned that early

He cared about me just not my face

We could write each other and be care free

I was a nerd so school was super easy

I’d read the entire textbook first few weeks

Smart enough teachers were not fond of me

First day of school was information I still use

My dad said “Don’t start anything with anyone.

Don’t look to be friends with anyone,

20 years they will be but memories.

If I catch you bullying you will have hell to pay!

If they pick on you aim for the throat,

always as hard as you can,

make sure they choke, send them to their grave!”

Sure enough friends were a mirage

Came and went till one held a ring in his palm

This part is where it gets hard to say

I used to think it was I didn’t want sympathy

Or emotionally vulnerable or afraid

Now I don’t want to ruin anyone’s day

We had a little girl her name was Sally

Middle name was Scarlet

He turned into a drunk and one day….

He left open our front gate

And I was out back in the garden

I heard a squeal of tires

The sound of a car hit something…

She didn’t go quickly in my arms

I felt powerless as she begged and plead

Then mid sentence abrupt

She stopped

Husband killed himself from the guilt

I stayed in the house… alone.. for two years

Became the home kids played truth or dare

On Halloween to knock on the door

Then this year

I came out

After a suicide attempt

Phantasmagoria or other plane

Not sure if it was real or synapses in my brain

But I saw her there

And she told me to quit being sad

Because I made her sad

And here we are 7 months later

If my life was like the Truman Show

That’s all you would have saw

A woman that life enjoys beating on

And I see many things

Struggling is not one

I see puppets

Dummies

With elected ventriloquists hands up their bums

I see a world manipulated

Rose tinted glasses staring at the sun

I am the umbra

To make you take off the shades

And see what the world has become

Isn’t poetry fun?

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