WISH OF GOING TO THE PAST

There she was, the main character Inara, sitting on the rooftop of a parking lot and staring at the driving cars. Although she thought the scenery was beautiful, since the night sky was dark and pretty and the Moon was shining beautifully while the stars were adding to the spark of the moon's beauty, the thought about what had happened two hours ago distracted her.

Now you're probably wondering what happened two hours ago, right? She fought with her mother. Although she loved her mother an amount unmeasurable by numbers, she sometimes couldn't tolerate how her mother treated her because in her eyes, her mother's treatment towards her was unfair.

You see, whenever she said something, it was either ignored or criticized. So at some point, she chose to remain silent but even then she would end up being criticized. Even if she didn't do anything or if she did something, her mother would still criticize her. She thought, she would never be good enough for her mother. Finally, having had enough of this treatment, she chose to confront her mother about it. But you see, most people find it easier to believe a beautiful lie than face the cruel truth. In this case, the mother was one of those "most people". She didn't want to believe that her behavior was something her daughter did not like. In her life, she tried to be the best mother possible, so admitting that she was at fault would crash that effort. Crashing that effort meant that she would have to put in new effort and approach her differently. It was too much work, and she was already in her late 50s, she didn't want to do that, so she remained ignorant. She blamed her daughter for never understanding her, she blamed her daughter for never doing anything, she blamed her daughter for saying stupid things, and she blamed her daughter for anything else that came out of her mouth.

The daughter, Inara on the other hand understood why her mother did that but even so, it didn't change the fact that she was hurt. She was just so sick of feeling that way and she was sick of never being understood. She wanted to be understood and accepted but she knew that her mother would never understand, since pursuing the belief that she was right was of greater importance than her daughter's feelings. Despite the sadness and hurt, she still loved her mother and because she loved her so dearly, she didn't want to snap at her which made her leave the house. And thus, she ended up on the rooftop.

"Haaa..." she sighs loudly and starts talking to herself: "The moon is shining so brightly... Unlike my life. I remember looking at the moon and the stars with my family on the balcony... Counting them all and just relaxing my life without a worry in the world. Where did that time go? When did I end up here? Wasn't I in fourth grade? And now I'm in university. I miss my country... I miss my house... I miss my childhood... I miss everything. Dear Lord, I know you exist. I believe in you so please..." at this point, her eyes were glossy, reflecting the beauty of the moon and the pain in her heart. "PLEASE SEND ME TO THE PAST!!! PLEASE GIVE MY CHILDHOOD BACK TO ME! PLEASE" she shouts at the driving car, at the gorgeous moon and at her merciful Lord. "Please, my lord, please! I- I cannot take this anymore... I know today, it's the matter with my mom but I know... Deep down I know that the way I am feeling is not simply because of my mom. This burden, this pain, this sadness and at the same time this emptiness... their roots are far deeper, yet I don't know how deep. Yet I don't know when they even started existing let alone when they started growing. But something... Something is telling me that it all started to go wrong when I finished fourth grade... Or maybe even earlier. The solution to these complicated feelings lies in the past, so please send me back.". After saying these things, she started becoming desperate. "My lord, I will kneel down for you, I will hit my head on the floor, so I'm begging you please give me a chance!". She really did what she said. While banging her head on the floor and occasionally looking at the sky: "God please! I'll not change anything drastically, I will not steal someone's fate, I just want to relieve those moments and find the cause of my pain!".

While murmuring please to her God, her head started bleeding but not hard enough to kill her. She was on the verge of crying. Oh how desperate she was just to go to the past. The desire could only be understood by her creator. And the creator understood her desire thus made her wish come true.

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...To be continued...

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