Always wish I never wake up

In this life I don't know why God doesn't listen to our prayers any more or is it us that doesn't know how to call him anymore something I even wonder does God really exist every time I go to my sleep after praying this is always my ending prayers God please don't let me wake up and see another day I don't want to kill myself by myself because I don't want to go to hell for ending a miserable thing and still end up being miserable please do it for me since you don't give me anything to hold on to (A purpose)you made my life to be like this just end my miserable life I don't want to wake up to see this life of struggling again did you know how many checking, how many dreams that doesn't come true,how many hopes that was lost, how many disappointment, how many pains physical and mentally and how many loneness cry or crying lonely, Every time I wake up am always in bad mood that God doesn't answer my prayers both death and money none he gave me at least to be responsible and I will be seen and have a meaningful life but 1 thing for sure is that if it continues like this till the end of this year I will have no choice but to make the decision myself what is the purpose of living when you have nothing to live for when your whole life is complicated and upside down even I don't even understand the extent of living again and that why I always risk my life, like when I was still with my boss, but already thinking of leaving that was when our president was just elected.

Immediately he got elected thing change in the whole country everywhere was full of curious, pains and sufferers, everything price went up due to rises of fuel (petrol) and no food in the country because he closed the boarder, trader was unable to import or export food and as a good citizen that love my country and my people I start Activist telling my people to wake up and shout, fight for what they want, what they need fight for their right to speak out because the government doesn't know about how they are feeling everything comes easy for the people in government, free fuel, free wardrobe allowance free house, if we don't tell them our we feel how will they know what we're going though, so I started to go from one bus stop to another, from shop to shop asking them what they think about the country and the government what they think is our problems, it not for anything, but I just think with many opinions we might just to where we need to be in time(solutions) and what might solve it though I know it dangerous too, but this life is like a die it either good or bad it might turn out to be a good luck for me because am might trend than, or I might get to be arrested for it even though I'm not criticizing the government but a lot of people talk and advises me about it but no one with single positive advise to go on with it but when my family members found out about it, they all started cursing me saying I don't like my life and if I don't like my life that I should pity them by not bringing my trouble home that it can never lead to any place but jail especially my dad he fought me for weeks because of it, saying I know my uncle is running for governorship that it will be like am optimistic him, I should not do anything that will damage my uncles image the uncle that doesn't know me he doesn't even know about my existence, and all that I was doing was for them to see especially him my dad everything for the sake to make them proud to be worth of something, so I have to stop because I had no back up or financial support or even family support I quit.

And later I told my brother the next thing am doing next thing am going now is on the day of the independent I will go to all this tall towers for network I will climb it up with a cloth in my back that will serve as parachute tie to my both hands and legs separately the four angles and with a safety role in my hand Incase the cloth didn't work as parachute I will grab the role but if it did someone will help me to cut the rope that why I need him and the colour for the cloth use as parachute will be green white green I will now jump down and shouting happy Independent day and someone will then records it he allow me to say whatever I want to say and looked at me like a mad man but seriously is it a mad idea because to me it felt good anything for the go.

So when I waked up I was so sad all I was wishing for is death at that very moment and knowing am going somewhere to beg, so I had no choice but to get up, I woke up early this time around 6: 30 am go to the farm and do my routines I want my very thing I mean work to be very fast, and I will be done with them fast and try my luck with my boss maybe God will enter is heart and tell me okay you can come back.

hello everyone sorry for updating late my phone got spoiled again for this economy make phone dey spoil it terrible sorry 😔😐 guyz.

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